In October 2020, I found out my husband was having an affair with his younger coworker. He moved out but we stayed in touch. He doesn't really want me as a wife but still likes having me around and I stupidly thought he'd see the error of his ways. She turned out to be less-than-loving to him and they broke up about 5 months after he moved out. After that, he said he loved me and would never want anyone else ever again - and that he couldn't ever cheat on me again because he saw how much it devastated me.
We've had moments where I thought we were on the right track but he's not a good communicator so I've never felt like anything ever got healed.
In early September, I found out he was spending time in a random flat. I confronted him, he lied at first, then said it was a friend he had met through another friend. She was gay or bi and they just hung out. I obviously didn't fall for that but he refused to come clean any further. Last night, I put the pieces together and confronted him again. He met me to "be upfront," which I said isn't possible when you've been caught but whatever.
He loves me, he doesn't want to lose me. It's not that serious with her but he also won't give her up.
I can't believe I'm here again. I am such an idiot. I hate myself for wasting these years but I hate more that I love him and don't want to let him go.
The first affair was classic infatuation and I could see all the ways he got to that point. I'm not excusing it at all but I could see it and it looked and felt like it was going to crash and burn. And it did.
This feels different. He wasn't escaping an unhappy job and relationship - he's known this woman for a couple of years and clearly one night they just fell into this new relationship. My gut says this is real for him and that feels even worse than the first time.
I don't really have any family - I've just been through a couple of years of family hell - and my friends love me but also will just say they told me so at this point. And I don't feel strong enough to hear that bc I'm too upset. So I've just been in bed crying all day because I'm so alone. He's been my family, he's my favourite person - yes after everything - and I don't know how to live without him. Obviously I'm not a total loser - life will go on. But I keep hearing "what's meant for you won't pass you by." I don't think love is meant for me. I think this was my one chance and I'll be alone from now on. And he gets love! How does he get to be happy? He's been telling me the whole time he's with her that he loves me but I know he won't actually cheat on her once their "official." That was just for me.
He said last night he always thought he'd die alone. I said I had been there and he didn't have to - but I think now I will and he'll be with her. I don't understand how someone who can devastate the person he claimed to love more than anyone else can just turn around and be happy with someone new.
I hate this. But I know once I say goodbye to him there will be a permanent hole in my life. We get along so well, we make each other laugh and I just know I won't find it again. But he already has.