SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am not soliciting or promoting any in person/virtual support groups. I hope this is not against guidelines.

Have any of you tried virtual support groups? I tried one I think through BAN but I’m not actually sure because I only did it live once. My best friend is a WS and she has sent me so many support group numbers and resources I honestly don’t remember which one it was. Forgive me.

Anyway, when I attended online, I was by myself not with my husband and they allowed me to just listen. I felt really alone as they were all much older than me and all of a different race. I just didn’t connect and haven’t been back.

Are any of you in any other support groups either in person or virtual? Or do you attend meetings surrounding infidelity? Have you found them useful?

Sometimes I feel like I just need to talk to other betrayeds but I don’t always want to type the entire story out.

I don’t think my husband is a sex addict and I didn’t grow up with an Alcoholic in my home so the Adult Children of Alcoholic parents and groups like that aren’t quite right.

My BFF a few is in a 12 step program she swears by for love addicts. I think I need a group.

[This message edited by Howcthappen at 3:51 AM, Monday, October 16th]

I recently joined an in person group through a local church.
I find that it is helpful But that it is also stirring things up for me and actually making me more hyper vigilant with my WH. Hearing others stories is helpful but it is also somewhat triggering for me. So I am not sure that I will continue but I am going to give it some time.
It includes a book and journal to go through.
My reconciliation process is going well with my husband but I’ve found that my thoughts and my emotional instability is a big problem. I am finding that working on deepening my spiritual practices and friendships has been the most healing for me. I am a Christian but also really connect with many Buddhist lines of thinking and have read a lot by Pema Chodrin who was also a betrayed spouse in her younger years.
I try to meditate and read consistently. Waking up is an amazing app with lectures And meditation.
I am kind of on the fence about the support group. I am getting to the point that I don’t want this to define me anymore. Not that being in a support group does that but I am trying to move into focusing on other aspects of my life. They are a wonderful group of women. Many of them have been betrayed multiple times after initial discovery. That is very hard for me to hear as well. Of course we all know that is a possibility for any one of us. I can look online to see if the group I am in has offerings online. It is a nationwide group that meets at certain churches. It is faith based, which of course is not a good fit for everyone. Message me if you’d be interested.

Lots of support groups ... you need to try some out to find one that works for you. It really is OK to try one out and conclude it just doesn't work for you.

And don't write off all of a sponsor's groups because one didn't work. One BAN group, for example, may not work for you, but another might.

My reco is to keep finding groups and trying them out.

Yes- I am so afraid of unbuckling what I’ve already passed through by hearing triggers.

I view triggers as 'pain coming to the surface so it can be released'. They're painful as one goes trhough them, but the payoff is that the released pain won't come back.

One takes in lost of pain when betrayed, so it's a lot of work to release the pain, but life gets better as and because you do it.

Courage, Howc. Courage. Look inside. The courage you need is in you.

I've been in an online group for 2 yrs now. It was BAN worldwide, but the group leader opened a new group called H.E.A.L.
It has helped me immensely. Though I feel as a unicorn at times, as I am almost always the only man there, other than the group leader.

Hi Howcthappen,

I hope you are well and I am sorry for what you are going through.

I was by myself not with my husband and they allowed me to just listen. I felt really alone as they were all much older than me and all of a different race. I just didn’t connect and haven’t been back.

I am thinking that I myself may benefit from a virtual support group and would like to learn more about this. Regarding the quote above, I know you would be comfortable to be with folks that are close to your age and that look like you. But dealing with betrayal is universal. The pain is because we are social creatures and infidelity is destructive to the family and therefore society overall. I would welcome as much diversity as is available (provided there were not any language barriers) and may even gain some insight that I may not otherwise have from a homogeneous group. With this in mind maybe you can give it another chance? Even just bring your issue right out in the open (tactfully of course), and I am almost certain folks will make you feel welcome because you are, in the truest sense of the word, a brother or sister to them all with a really strong common bond as a betrayed human.

Wondaya

There are some things that are universal I get that but there are other things like culture that are very important and that’s why I didn’t feel great about it.