I believe I grasp your question. I think you're asking for more of the conversation with my ex-GF, which lasted for hours, so I could not write down the entire conversation we had, but I could give more details. I left out quite a bit of my previous message regarding what was said between us.
I believe I mentioned in my previous message that I suspected she was still being dishonest when I confronted her. I believe she is lying about how often she met up with him. Apart from that, it's possible she was telling the truth, but I can't be entirely sure.
I do recall mentioning that she had felt lonely while I was away from home, which she claimed was the reason for her affair, and this is true based on what she told me. However, her stance shifted over the course of the night. By the end of our conversation, she admitted that it was entirely her fault and had nothing to do with me. She also went into prolonged fits of crying, and I had to wait for her to regain her composure. While I can't be entirely certain about the specifics of her words, I do believe she was saying how sorry she was and how she ruined everything, and I believe she was calling herself names.
She explained to me how it all started. The OM was new to her company and worked in a different department. The OM had initiated contact with her, and initially, their conversations revolved around typical topics like movies, TV shows, and shared interests, much like how she talks with her friends. At that point, she had no romantic feelings for him. However, things took a turn when OM began asking personal questions about me and our relationship. She did admit to temporarily cutting off communication with him when he asked about these personal matters, but those breaks didn't last long. Eventually, she started having dinner with him during their breaks, and things escalated from there.
She explained to him that I often worked away for extended periods. In response, he suggested that I might be cheating, doubting that any man could be away for such a long time from a woman. Their conversation spanned over two months before the PA began, which took an additional month to start. I did ask about certain details regarding the PA, including whether she ever brought him to our bed. She adamantly denied doing so, though I have no means to verify this, and it's somewhat irrelevant given that we're no longer together. She also mentioned that their meetings occurred only at their workplace and at his home; she believed he was separated from his wife at the time. She told me that they never saw each other all the time, only on certain jobs; they never saw each other every day. They never had contact outside of work, which I cannot be certain of.
Another question I had was about the phone she had. She explained that the OM had given her the phone to communicate about their meetings after they initiated the PA. However, once she had the phone, she realised that the OM had been dishonest about being separated from his wife. She admitted to contemplating ending the affair, but the OM assured her that they wouldn't get caught, and she started to believe it herself, so she decided to continue. She also mentioned that she stopped the affair while I was home and never engaged in sexual activity with him during those three weeks, which accounted for only a fraction of the nine-month period. She also offered to give me the phone she had used, but I declined, stating that I didn't need it.
I also asked about the most recent contact she had with the OM. She mentioned that three weeks ago, he messaged her to confess that his wife had discovered their affair. He informed her that he needed to quit his job and requested that she not contact him anymore. She added that the actual last time she tried to communicate was two weeks ago, when she got anxious about his wife potentially reaching out to me. In response, she contacted him, asking if he knew that his wife was planning to inform me. However, he never replied, and when she called him, his phone went straight to voicemail. She then asked me if this was how I had found out, but I didn't respond to her.
I asked another question. Would she have stopped the affair if the OM had never ended it? Her response was that she would have, as I was returning home and would be staying for the next four months. However, she became really emotional at this point before providing her answer to the next part. It took her a while, but she admitted that she would have resumed the affair with the OM once I left. She expressed her desire and hope not to do so, but she believed that she would. She believed she would have gone back to it. I also asked her if she loved him, to which she replied that she never loved him. She told me that she had never uttered those words to him and that she only loved me.
We had an extensive discussion about our daughter. Initially, she suggested that we should remain together for our daughter's sake. However, I made it clear that I wasn't willing to do that and that she needed to start searching for a new place. I proposed that we could figure out sleeping arrangements once she had found a house. She agreed with most of the points we discussed concerning our daughter. I genuinely believe that she has our daughter's best interests at heart.
This is also the point where she confesses to having spoken with my SIL. I may have mentioned previously that my SIL had betrayed my brother years ago, but they have since reconciled. My brother shared with me that it required a lot of effort, driven by his love for his wife and their commitment to their children. They attended counselling for several years, and I believe they still go occasionally. My SIL had advised my ex-GF to come clean with me and suggested that we could move forward from there. She also told my ex-GF that if she continued to deceive me, things would not go as she had hoped. My ex-GF repeatedly apologised for the lies and expressed regret for not telling the truth from the beginning. However, I explained to her that, even if she had been honest from the start, it wouldn't have changed my decision, as I had already decided to end the relationship.
I have to be honest. During our conversations, I told her plenty of times that I didn't care why she did what she did and to stop talking about her affair. I only wanted to talk about our daughter, when she was moving out, and so on, but she said she needed to tell me the truth and that I deserved to know what she did to me. I can never know why she thought it would be a good idea to lie to me and then tell me what she says is the truth. She also mentioned starting counselling and saying she would do anything to stay together, but I told her I couldn't stay with her. This is where we just went back and forth saying the same things, and I left not long after. I also told her I loved her a few times (I now realise from the comments that I shouldn't have said these words, but I can't take them back now).
I'm hoping this answers your question, as this is not word-for-word what was said; it is a lot more detailed than my previous post. I have probably left a lot out still, as the conversation went on for a long time. I don't know if my ex-GF is remorseful or not; I couldn't say, but I do believe she is sorry she was caught.