At the same time, I am like you and am very analytical. I need to know what happened and why, even if it’s not going to change my course of action.
Literally this is how I work. I do this with everything. If something interests me, I will read everything on it so I understand it.
At the end of the day, the reason I will put it all out there is because I want the bs to not question what they could have done differently, what they lacked, or what feelings someone lacked having about them. I think the most important aspect when someone says so what is this: it never was about your worthiness or value.
So something weird happened today.
My WSs affair happened in circumstances where he didn't feel things were good with us and he was alone in a new place and a female he felt no attraction to offered him company and so on.
After leaving WS last month, I rented a cute cottage miles from him in literally the middle of nowhere. I know nobody and have more or less just been alone for a month. Not quite as isolated as it's a two hour drive to civilisation, but I definitely am alone!
So today my package got delivered to a house three doors down from me, and I popped over to collect it. Not met the neighbour before but he's a married guy. I have seen him and the wife getting in their car with their dog. So anyway, I got to get the package and end up talking to him.
He asks me lots of questions and then says if I want to be shown around he's happy to take me, and to come over anytime if I need anything. It felt nice talking to him because he doesn't know me and my screwed up life. Then I go to leave and he comes after me and says "hey, if you want to go on some country walks together, I can show you the good routes?".
I said no.
But basically this married guy was asking me to go for walks with him. And I kind of want to because he is clearly being kind and he's a friendly stranger who doesn't know me and my history and that just seemed really appealing.
Of course, I SAID NO, but it made me understand why WS felt he wanted to do that.
It was sort of eye opening to see how easily something begins