WonderingGhost (original poster member #81060) posted at 1:11 PM on Monday, August 7th, 2023
Hello everyone. I'm at a point in my life where I feel comfortable posting in this forum. So, here's my update:
I'm 9 months post DDay 2. XWS and I were together for over a decade, never married, no kids. To say I feel lighter and more free than I ever have now that I've left him is an understatement. No more worrying about his lies, no more navigating his immaturity or worrying over his bad coping habits. Nothing! I have my own place, I've put in the effort to make a couple of new friends who have been wonderful so far, and I've kept up taking care of myself through the whole process. The future is still murky and a little scary, but I'm determined to work through it.
The first few months were brutal, even the second time, I won't lie. Many times I felt like there really was no light at the end of the tunnel. Everything felt so terrible and hurt so much, how could I recover? How could I see myself with anyone else? But I did start to recover. With the rose coloured glasses knocked completely off I felt something shift inside me. My feelings for WS were now completely tainted and once I realized that I began to swiftly emotionally detach. Do I still care about him? Yes. Do I still get a tinge of sadness now and again? Certainly. That will take a little more time to heal, but the good feelings now outweigh the bad. I'm excited for life, excited for my future, and excited to actually date for the first time.
To those who are in limbo or have suffered through multiple DDays, I have to say from my own experience, staying with a partner after being betrayed so completely is a death sentence. The weight that falls from your shoulders when you actually let go of that person and the relationship you thought you had is so eye-opening. Despite all of the pain I feel stronger and more capable going forward. Life is my oyster.
All the best to you SI,
[This message edited by WonderingGhost at 6:03 PM, Sunday, October 8th]
Helena67 ( member #80506) posted at 3:13 PM on Friday, August 11th, 2023
WonderingGost, thank you for your post. I'm glad that you feel better. We all know how shattering infidelity is to the betrayed and it is good to read that there is light at the end of the tunnel! I'm not there yet so your post gives me hope.
BS (me) 56 years. Divorcing. Almost there!
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 4:39 PM on Friday, August 11th, 2023
Despite all of the pain I feel stronger and more capable going forward. Life is my oyster.
Isn't life on the other side grand? Great update!
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:00 PM on Saturday, August 12th, 2023
Wonderful update! Keep living your best life!
Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
Learningtofly17 ( member #58870) posted at 3:11 PM on Sunday, October 8th, 2023
This update is so refreshing to hear! I’ve stayed with my WH after multiple D-Days, and I constantly question my decision to stay. Even if he never cheats again, I feel like I’ve cheated myself for staying. This gives me hope! Thanks for sharing.
WonderingGhost (original poster member #81060) posted at 6:16 PM on Sunday, October 8th, 2023
I'm so sorry to hear of the hardships you're going through. I hope you can find the strength to do what's best for you.
I'm extremely biased towards separation/divorce. My XWS cheated on me once, I forgave and tried to R for YEARS, then he cheated again. I believe in second chances, but not third, fourth, or fifth chances. I also can't emphasize this enough..There are people out there who DO NOT CHEAT! I don't subscribe to the idea that everyone would cheat given the right circumstances, absolutely not!
If you wouldn't be ruined financially or homeless? My opinion to the BS is to always LEAVE! Especially after multiple DDays. There is just no point in staying. The kids will be fine, the family will be fine, and most importantly YOU will be fine.
Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 5:48 AM on Monday, October 16th, 2023
All the best to you too.
It feels good to read stories of healing.
I wish you continued positive new beginnings.
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!