Hello everyone,
Wanted to make a small update after some time.
Recently found out that my wife was secretly checking my social media accounts and browser history regularly. I was having a chat with one of my female colleagues on instagram, and I totally see her as a friend. Then my wife was extremely upset with me for talking to her. We were talking about cars and how to call in sick at work... I was angry with my wife, for checking my accounts secretly and told her that she is no longer someone who can do that. Then I changed all my passwords and she went totally crazy. She smashed my tablet and old phone with a hammer. I tried to stay calm and took a video of her doing it. Then she suddenly grabbed my phone and threw it on the ground. She was just about the smash it and I managed to get the hammer from her in the last second. I yelled at her and was very furious with her. Then she went upstairs crying and took a bath, fallen asleep in the bath tub. She even took her sexy pictures in that bath tub, I dont even want to think about who she sent those pics.
My final decision is divorce. We have spoken afterwards and even divided the household goods already. She is ready to accept in any way, and I am planning to divide everything for both of us as much as possible to be able to continue our lives separately. I will start the divorce process within a week or two. We put our house on sale. I am already looking for a new house to buy for only myself. I am also actively looking for a new car as well, we will sell the old one. It will take time, and will be a difficult path but no matter how much it hurts, I began to notice that her presence hurts me, reminds me all the bad memories, everything that she put me through. She is kind of like a source of pain for me.
I was a nice guy, i was considerate and thoughtful, at least I thought I was. I was buyimg her gifts, I really tried to make her happy. Now I feel like I get furious pretty easily, I am always stressed, there seems to be an itch inside me which never goes away, trying to tear me apart. I am trying to fight it and try to be back to myself again. It will take time, but I will be back to my original self again in time. This angry, stressed, anxious man is not who I am.
I also noticed a few hours ago, my wife also posted here on the WS side. She even wrote a reply under my post here as well, mentioned something like I am happy with my future gf, working out regularly etc. Thanks to SI staff, they removed her silly post. She means the colleague that I had a chat with about cars, only a chat. Even after she actually had sex with someone else, even after she became someone else's girlfriend for a month, she still has the courage to attack me for just talking with some other girl in a friendly way. To me, it is nothing but dicacity.
Long story short, I dont even know how to feel inside. But I know what I must do. We had a long and nice 5 years relationship together. I really loved her with the deepest parts of my heart, I enjoyed our relationship until the end, I even remember that I was thinking I have everything I ever dreamed of, before the affair. I was feeling complete with her. Everything was just crashed like a piece of glass in front of my eyes, just like my heart and she was the one who smashed it relentlessly, selfishly, for just a fuckboy, for a few days of joy and pleasure.
I am pretty sure that I can no longer be with someone, who can do this to me after all I did for her, for us. She acted like the most selfish person in the world. And I cannot take it anymore.
I know it is a longer message than I intended, but wanted to make an update after some time with you guys. I will keep posting during the process as well. Thank you very much for being here and letting me share my story, with all these bullshit going on in my life. Even just typing all these makes me feel a bit more relaxed. I really appreciate all your replies here.
[This message edited by TheDesperateSilence at 10:26 PM, Thursday, May 18th]