Is it time to end R?

When do you know that it’s time to end R?

WH is remorseful, claims he wants the best for me and fix things. Also claims he respects me and feels horrible that I look sad and feel sad.

He attends IC, tells me what his therapist suggested right after. Then total silence and there is no follow up on conversations she wanted him to have with me. I wait and then get agitated. We argue, he says it’s difficult for him to talk when I am angry. I am angry because he doesn’t bring up what we need to work on. The cycle continues every week. He does not seem to learn.

He will not read anything suggested by either the therapist or me. If it makes him uncomfortable it will be shunned.

I gave him a deadline to work on things ( one more month left) thinking it will help. Helped with him finding a therapist right away but no progress further.

My therapist thinks this is his limit of emotional vulnerability and he cannot get his "head out of the sand ".

Did anyone reconcile with a WH like this? Any suggestions would be helpful, mainly for me. It’s impacting my mental health. I am turning into a mean spouse and sad person overall. I am struggling.

23 comments posted: Thursday, May 4th, 2023

Trying to find answers

Possible trigger alert

2023 started with a bang for me. Husband of over 20 years decided that we were incompatible and our marriage did not meet his expectations. Eventually find out that he has been unfaithful the entire marriage.. A big part of the cheating has been sexting with women that started even before I met him and never stopped. Ofcourse, I had no clue. He was the perfect husband and I had a perfect marriage.

I know he has to be a sex addict but I have since been trying to look at why he found these women so enticing even at the cost of our marriage. Two days ago I logged into the chat site that he frequented and have since been shocked by how dirty and murky that world is .A good majority of the men are married. I reached out to married men of my husbands age and asked them why they would be here. The answers varied from being happily married but wanting to cheat to being unhappy with the sex in their marriages. Some complained about wives not being adventurous enough, "only" having sex once a week or simply being a prude. These men are also looking to meet some of these women offline and have frequent one to one connections.

Oh and btw the women on these sites range from married to lots of young girls willing to fulfill all the kinks you could possibly think of.

How could I ever compete with what these women have to offer ? I never stood a chance, just plain me vs the variety, quality and quantity of sex from these women.

Unfortunately this has shattered my view of healthy monogamous relationships. This has been distressing but I am also trying to be objective. The wives of these men were exactly like me. ( one sleeping peacefully upstairs while he was online supposedly watching a movie !

Seems to me that behind every happy marriage there is a wife ( or a husband) that is blissfully unaware.

I have lost my one and only shot of happily ever after .

6 comments posted: Saturday, February 25th, 2023