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We have a very large outdoor Christmas display that a lot of people drive by to see. This year I not only amped up the outside lights (nearly doubled them to 25,000 lights) but I stepped up my inside decor. I do almost all of it myself as my SO is really busy this time of year. I've been working on the display for months and between the inside and out have spent probably over 150 hours.

Last night SO had a couple friend of hers, and their 5 year old kid over. They are very hands off when it comes to discipling their kid and although they do tell him no he is allowed to do things that my parents would have never let me do. Example: they not only allowed the kid to jump on our couch but encouraged it. I really don't care about jumping on the couch but my parents would have killed me if I did that. I know this about them and also know that our decorations and house is not very kid proof.

So I sat in the living room where most of the decorations are as well as the kid and they sat at the kitchen table about 20' away. I was able to listen to the conversation and chime in here and there but I was mostly trying to keep the kid from either hurting himself or destroying the house. Unfortunately they only sent him with 2 hot wheels cars to play with so he got bored quickly. Just to say, I was totally fine with babysitting and giving the parents a break as well as let SO enjoy her company.

Some of the things I had to stop him from doing multiple times: pulling the tree over on top of himself, grabbing the glass ornaments, and punching/head butting the glass of the electric fireplace. When we went outside I had to stop him multiple times from trying to use the string of lights as a climbing rope as well as running into the street while cars were coming.

At the end of the night SO was upset with me that I sat in the living room all night. I explained what I was doing and she basically said it's not worth having any company over then if she can't spend time with me too. I understand that and would agree that maybe having little kids to our house isn't the best idea but I doubt that we will never have kids over again.

This situation is going to come up again in life. So how would you handle this? I don't think talking to the parents would have gotten me anywhere. Like I said, they encouraged him to jump on the couch and run around the house. In the past we have had company sit and eat in the living room so this hasn't been an issue before.

I am sorry.

There's not much you can do about the past. In the future, I would suggest that your SO meet up with the family at a kid friendly place.

"Oh, our house is so boring since we don't have kid toys. It also isn't child proofed. How about we go (to the park, the zoo, an indoor gym, jump place, splash pad) and visit?

You said last night. Also, like what time? My 5 year old turns into a pumpkin by 5/6pm. I also got four kids that moved faster the more tired they got.

Maybe if you don't know the family well, have folks over for brunch and encourage parents to bring toys.

If you expect a lot of kids, you could go thrifting and pick up some toys. I got my youngest a big bucket of wood blocks for $5. Some pretend food, just a few basics that should keep kids buys for a while. Also, a small stash of crayons, stickers and printer paper..When we went to visit my BIL, we drove. He had a few small lego buckets he kept at his place for our kids.

That is not fair to you, to have to babysit, it would be the last time they came over.

That is not fair to you, to have to babysit, it would be the last time they came over.

I really didn’t mind babysitting. They are SO’s friends and the parents probably needed a break. It’s just that SO thinks I should have just ignored the kid and let the parents monitor him. Unfortunately they weren’t doing that.

Case and point, I just finished spending nearly an hour and a half fixing the lights he messed up last night by trying to use them as a climbing rope. He started climbing them while all the adults were standing together in the driveway. I gave it a second before I told him to stop and didn’t speak up until I saw him causing some damage. I then proceeded to follow him all the way down the driveway telling him to stop pulling in the lights at least a dozen times. The parents were right there.

After this incident I’ve decided that the kid is not allowed over for 2 years. 2 years from now he may be better behaved and I’d be willing to consider allowing him back. I don’t think SO will disagree with me on that one.

The fact the parents did nothing despite you having to intervene angers me so much.

When I've gone out with my kids I monitor their behaviour and activities. What if the kid had run it into the road and gotten hit...

And jumping on the sofa is a HUGE NO NO!!!!!

Not at home and sure as shit NOT at someone else's home.

I agree with meeting somewhere else.

As an aside I'm in awe of all the work you do, the lights must be amazing!!!!

First, I would have said no to jumping on the couch and the living room (or any others) was off limits. Second warning is in my large and in charge voice. Third time I have to intervene is to say the child needs to stay right by their parents. I would also tell the parents that little Johnny can't jump on the couch because it can ruin your couch and he could fall and break a bone. (Had friends whose son went over the back of their couch and broke his collar bone.) Little Johnny can't stay in the LR because he's ramming his head into the glass of the fireplace. If he breaks the glass, he's going to be cut and they'll need to go to ER - and you don't want that.

I'm all for kids having fun and having a place to just be a kid, but.... If he did have an accident, the parents could sue.

Sorry you were put in that position.

To add to the frustration the Christmas lights that "Little Johnny" was using as a rope swing that I spent an hour and a half fixing earlier tonight ended up having more problems. I found a whole section out right after I fixed them coincidentally right in the area that he was hanging on them. Ended up finding that he was hanging on them hard enough that it broke the wire. Took me another 30 minutes to fix.

I'm actually impressed with what I had built that it held up to "Little Johnny's" weight.

SO still thinks I should have stood back and waited for the parents to intervene and that I should have been a part of the party and not babysat. I said I did wait for them to intervene and they didn't. She said she didn't see him hanging off the Christmas lights and she seemed to think I maybe over exaggerated that part. That was before we found the broken string of lights. When we found that she kind of started saying that he was pretty out of control and didn't know why the parents didn't step in. She knows how hard I've worked on this.

I'm honestly still pretty mad about that. I started working on this display in October and have at least 150 hours of time in it. Probably $4000 or more this year alone. I hand built and designed all the decorations myself. Well over $10K all together and tons of time in building everything so forgive me for being a little protective.

I'm hoping that's the only damage.

I like the suggestion of meeting this particular couple with the child any where else but at the house. They had no respect for you both and your home/furniture/belongings. Personally, I would never have anything to do with them.

If y'all do have them over again, I would bill them for any and all damages caused by their child. That might ruin a friendship but your home is not a personal playground for their child.

My 3 sons are all adults now, but never, ever would I tolerate them acting that way at home or anywhere else. The child was out of control, and the parents didn't parent.

If your SO wants to see them again, I agree, a neutral place away from your home is the best option.

Have you told SO how it made you feel - concerned for little man's safety, upset about him destroying what you've put many hours of hard graft into?

I think SO needs to take a step back and instead of criticising you for not engaging with the adults, have a little think about how you spent your evening feeling.

I think you need to have a conversation with your SO.

You were being very thoughtful in my opinion. Maybe she didn't notice everything that was going on while she was visiting with her friends.

The parents should have taken turns entertaining and watching the kid.

I didn't allow jumping on my own couch let alone doing that in a home where we were a guest.

I have had kids lay on my dogs bed and crawl in their crate AFTER explaining to the parents that this particular dog does not like children and to not approach her.

Going to a restaurant is a good idea but be prepared for chaos. My 1-2 year old niece was running between tables while the waitress was carrying big heavy trays without beverages and food. The parents did nothing so I VERY gently asked her to come in the booth and sit down and explained why. I got in trouble from my sister in law.

Maybe you could visit them in their home? That way the kid will have toys and you won't have to worry about stuff getting broken..

My 3 sons are all adults now, but never, ever would I tolerate them acting that way at home or anywhere else.

SO and I were talking about that. She and I both grew up with parents that would have killed us if we acted like that. I don’t have kids so I really don’t know how to parent and don’t like to pass judgment on how others parent because I know it’s a hard job but I have a 3 year old cat and she is far better behaved than "Little Johnny". My cat asks for permission before touching or playing with anything new like the Christmas tree. If I say no she just leaves it alone. And believe me, she loves the Christmas tree. She understands that certain furniture she can get on but other furniture like the table and counters are off limits. I don’t have to repeatedly tell her. It’s one time and that’s it. If I can have my cat behave why can’t their human child behave?

Have you told SO how it made you feel - concerned for little man's safety, upset about him destroying what you've put many hours of hard graft into?

Yes. Her take was they were not parenting because I was doing it. If I had sat at the table and not babysat they would have stepped up to parent. I have her 3 vet specific examples of where we were all in one spot and their kid started acting up. I waited for the parents to do something and they didn’t so I had to step in. One of those examples was the damage he did to the lights. I let him pull on the lights and shake them. I didn’t step in until he started to use them as a climbing rope.

I think after we found that he actually broke the wire on the lights is when SO realized that maybe I was right. I wasn’t over reacting. He did damage stuff and wasn’t just gently touching the lights and that I did stand back and wait for the parents to step in and they didn’t. I asked her how much longer she expected me to wait for the parents to do something? Should I have waited until everything was destroyed or step in like I did before too much damage was done? She really didn’t have an answer to that other than they will not be coming over again. Which is fine by me.

I’m just concerned about getting into a similar situation with another couple and their kid. Are we going to have the same argument? I know if we do invite another couple with a kid she and I are going to discuss how to handle it before they even come over.

ETA: SO understands how much work has gone into all this and absolutely appreciates it. My display is really a work of art. I even have a snow machine so when we look out our bay window at the lights it looks like it is snowing. I feel like we live in a snow globe. It’s really kind of magical.

We have between 50-75 cars come by every night and we are on at the end of a dead end road. So those people are coming specifically for the lights.

[This message edited by Myname at 4:29 PM, Monday, December 19th]

If I can have my cat behave why can’t their human child behave?

I have no answer for this but it's the million dollar question, yes, exactly.