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Newest Member: bluecoaster

Divorce/Separation :
And so it begins...

Topic is Sleeping.
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hardyfool ( member #83133) posted at 4:56 PM on Tuesday, May 30th, 2023

If she is dragging her feet in the divorce she must have a reason or reasons. I doubt these reasons would be in your best interest, I recall my lawyer telling me that I could not allow my X to control the pace or narrative since she had some kind of plan and that it was not going to be to my benefit. It was now hard and cold business.

You may want to push the divorce forward to disrupt whatever she is trying to accomplish.

posts: 98   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2023
id 8793091
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 wantnomore (original poster member #71871) posted at 9:35 PM on Tuesday, May 30th, 2023

My lawyer is content with the pace right now, that's all I'll say. wink
She's by nature a very avoidant person. While I can believe that she has some master plan that a delay will serve, I tend to think she's being her avoidant self.

Me: BH (57)Her: STBXWW (52)DDays - 9/10/01, 10/15/19, 7/3/21, 2/11/22.I'm dumb, but I do learn eventually. D started 11/11/22

posts: 140   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2019   ·   location: Great Lakes region
id 8793155
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Dennylast ( member #78522) posted at 6:24 PM on Wednesday, May 31st, 2023

Is she still seeing her AP?

posts: 118   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2021
id 8793263
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 wantnomore (original poster member #71871) posted at 7:00 PM on Wednesday, May 31st, 2023

Not likely. AP went across the country to rehab days after I caught them in the parking lot. That’s when he found out his wife knew. The three of them (my wife, AP and OBS) all work at the same place. He split for rehab and left her to face the music as word got out. She was beyond pissed because she faced lot of fallout from her coworkers.

Once he was in rehab, he basically went NC with her as far as I can tell (and my source is pretty good). He also started trying to win his wife back. So unlikely she’s back with him.

But I do get the feeling she’s seeing someone else.

Me: BH (57)Her: STBXWW (52)DDays - 9/10/01, 10/15/19, 7/3/21, 2/11/22.I'm dumb, but I do learn eventually. D started 11/11/22

posts: 140   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2019   ·   location: Great Lakes region
id 8793267
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kiwilee ( member #10426) posted at 12:55 PM on Sunday, June 4th, 2023

Even though your lawyer is saying the pace is okay, is it? Why allow her to set the tempo. You can not fully begin your next chapter until finalized.

I would strongly consider to get this moving along. Think about what serves you best. Do not let her control the timing.

posts: 663   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2006
id 8793837
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 wantnomore (original poster member #71871) posted at 1:14 PM on Sunday, June 4th, 2023

I appreciate that, but there is a strategic element to my lawyers feeling on the matter, which I understand and agree with. I will share more when the time is right.

Me: BH (57)Her: STBXWW (52)DDays - 9/10/01, 10/15/19, 7/3/21, 2/11/22.I'm dumb, but I do learn eventually. D started 11/11/22

posts: 140   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2019   ·   location: Great Lakes region
id 8793838
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:33 PM on Sunday, June 4th, 2023

Thanks for the update. Is there a court date set?
You STBXWW is a real princess. rolleyes
She’s got her head in the sand hoping this all goes away. I hope you are able to put this all to rest soon. But it sounds like you are doing great.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5833   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8793862
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 wantnomore (original poster member #71871) posted at 5:55 PM on Sunday, June 4th, 2023

Thank you BB.
No court date yet, I’m waiting for something myself before I move further.

Me: BH (57)Her: STBXWW (52)DDays - 9/10/01, 10/15/19, 7/3/21, 2/11/22.I'm dumb, but I do learn eventually. D started 11/11/22

posts: 140   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2019   ·   location: Great Lakes region
id 8793864
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 wantnomore (original poster member #71871) posted at 8:37 PM on Friday, June 16th, 2023

Court date is scheduled. Her lawyer pulled the trigger on it. Strange, because they never sent us any kind of settlement offer. So we go in front of a judge and they'll give us x number of days to work stuff out. No worries, the date works for me.

Hopefully this is the beginning of the end.

Me: BH (57)Her: STBXWW (52)DDays - 9/10/01, 10/15/19, 7/3/21, 2/11/22.I'm dumb, but I do learn eventually. D started 11/11/22

posts: 140   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2019   ·   location: Great Lakes region
id 8795676
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 4:03 AM on Saturday, June 17th, 2023

Glad your court date is set and it works for you. Good luck!

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3134   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8795711
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 wantnomore (original poster member #71871) posted at 7:52 PM on Monday, July 10th, 2023

Court date is set for next Thursday (7/20.) Again, I'm a little confused as to why she had her lawyer set it up, since she/they haven't tried to negotiate anything with me & my lawyer. We had sent a settlement offer within a few days of my getting served, but it's pretty much been radio silence since then.

There was some communication regarding two issues - my pension and our house. I retired from teaching effective July 1 of this year. That was why we were cool with it dragging out. There was concern that her lawyer would push to have any support based on my teaching salary. My lawyer said he doubted that a judge would go along with that, but now that I'm officially retired, that shouldn't be an issue. The funny thing is, we haven't dragged it out, she did. The ball has been in her court to counter our offer since November and she hasn't moved on it. I still can't figure out why she hasn't even tried to negotiate.

The issue with the house is that she was trying to see if she could afford to buy me out, but her lawyer asked me to consider giving her three years to do so (HA!!). Not much chance of that happening. But knowing how much we still owe on the house, and a decent estimate on the market value of it, not to mention knowing her income, there is no way she would be able to buy me out. Unless she tried to trade the house for my pension. Not sure how I'd go on that, but it would be tempting.

We are still living together, because why the hell should I move out? I like my house, and I get to see my kids (and the dog) every day. She spends most of her time out of the house - either at work or with her newest boyfriend. (For the record, that makes 5 affairs, so she's an Ace!)
While it's not too bad because she is gone a lot, the fact that I know about her new fuckbuddy is painful even so. I can't wait to get this whole sorry shit show over with.

Me: BH (57)Her: STBXWW (52)DDays - 9/10/01, 10/15/19, 7/3/21, 2/11/22.I'm dumb, but I do learn eventually. D started 11/11/22

posts: 140   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2019   ·   location: Great Lakes region
id 8798898
Topic is Sleeping.
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