Topic is Sleeping.
Beagle (original poster member #79560) posted at 9:59 PM on Wednesday, August 10th, 2022
Divorce was finalized June 10. I am still in the marital home sleeping in the finished basement. I was finally able to buy a house in the crazy market.
While I am relieved to have this house the thought of not seeing my kids everyday makes me really sad. It also makes me angry with my WS as well. I have periods of feeling happy looking forward to my new life, and going ahead. Then there are other times where I find myself sad and will sometimes breakdown. I am still working through all of this is therapy and emdr etc. it’s getting better but this next step is proving to be challenging. Just sharing. Any feedback would be appreciated
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 4:40 PM on Thursday, August 11th, 2022
I found this time challenging, too. It was a lot of grieving, about the loss of the future that I had planned, loss of the M, and continuing to work through the trauma of the infidelity. It took about 10 months after I had moved out that I felt that I had reached a place of being content.
Still, there were some things to work through, especially with the loss of being a couple and what our planned future was. It's been tough because I've been really close with my in-laws.
I don't feel as angry any more, because XWH was a jerk. It still hurt when I found out he was engaged less than 6 months after the D was final, but have chanted a few times, "Not my circus, not my monkeys."
I've mainly focused on being present with me and my children and grandchildren. I'm not ready to date, and not even sure I want to at this point. I enjoy being free from having to walk on egg shells all the time, and that I can do what I want when I want.
It does get better - just hang in there.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 11:51 PM on Saturday, August 13th, 2022
Just wanted to say I am really sorry you are going through this.
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 1:39 AM on Sunday, August 14th, 2022
Just letting you know you’ve been heard. When you aren;t with your kids, focus on YOU. Time will help. Distance from her will help.
The roller coaster is not over yet, but the highs and lows will start leveling out and it won’t be as wild. But you’ll have your days— and that;s okay and totally normal.
You are doing great. Keep looking forward!
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
Beagle (original poster member #79560) posted at 3:47 AM on Sunday, August 14th, 2022
Thank you. There are highs and lows. I am really starting to see and realize just how toxic she was and is. It’s like she is someone totally different than who I thought she was. It’s amazing. I’m doing my best and moving forward and will continue to work on myself. It all seems so unjust but nothing in life is fair.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 6:00 AM on Sunday, August 14th, 2022
Beagle, you're doing your best with the hand you've been dealt. I think you're doing great. There will always be ups and downs. That's part of life. As you have mentioned, life isn't fair or just, but you do the best with what you have. Just be the best Beagle you can be.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 11:32 PM on Monday, August 15th, 2022
The not seeing my kids part was the hardest to grieve, but eventually you get used to it. I keep myself busy when i don't have them, either going out with my friends or fixing up the house, making new things to eat, exercise, hike, and now I am dating someone that I really love. It does eventually get easier and i thought I would never get used to it. When I do have my kids we make the most of the days we spend together and it is fantastic! It just takes time also grieving the old M takes time and it's ok to be upset at your WS for this, but eventually it won't even matter the ex will become insignificant as you will be living your life. There are days now that I don't even think about my ex.
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
cbgrace1980 ( member #64109) posted at 8:36 PM on Wednesday, August 17th, 2022
I am so sorry you are going through this. I know exactly how you are feeling. I divorced last year and am still in the marital home. Congratulations on the new house! I think it will be a great feeling to have a place of your own, but I know that not having your kids everyday is extremely sad. You will get into a rhythm once the schedule begins, I promise. Good for you for being in therapy. Just keep taking it one day at a time. That's all I can do.
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 10:17 PM on Wednesday, August 17th, 2022
Also, remember how you feel right now, bc when your kids come to visit you, they will be torn up inside, too.
They want to yell "THIS IS SO F****D UP", but they can’t. They may be irritable, withdrawn, etc. and will take a few hours to settle in. I gave my kids lots of quiet time to adjust when coming back from their Dad’s. I tried to give them a distinctly different home so they had a safe place to be. My friend told me when growing up she felt safer at her noncustodial parents house bc it was calm.
I also kept busy when my kids weren’t with me, planning lots of free stuff to do together.
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
Topic is Sleeping.
