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Concerning friendships, at what point do you decide to walk away from a friendship? I’m not referring to the toxic variety but how do you determine that a friendship has run its course?

I’m trying to gauge whether I’m being too sensitive or if it’s time to call it a day.

When they stop bringing more value than the effort you put in to maintain them.

I had a friend for 10 years that was very needy. Everything had to be her way. If we went out to dinner she had to choose the restaurant. We could never invite other friends. You get the idea.

I did everything she needed.

I then got very ill. Lost my job. Viral infection and just sick for months.

She never came to visit (we lived blocks away). She barely called. Suddenly I was of no use to her.

She finally called to see if I was feeling better so we could celebrate our birthdays together. That was the last time I spoke to her.

Friendships are over when they become too much work or there’s just a void. It happens.

You outgrow each other or you just have nothing in common.

Life is too short to be unhappy and to be unvalued. If you have a "friend" that is not treating you with respect, kindness, and love then you don't need them.
I have very few friends in life because my tolerance for bullshit is pretty damn low. The friends I do have I would walk through fire for, and love dearly.

But I have also have a handful of friends that I keep at arms length that I meet up with once or twice a year because I enjoy their company but also know they are highly dysfunctional, or are users. But it is my choice.

Your real friends are the ones that hold you up when you are a mess, and call you just to say Hi.

You can rely on them. They are there for you.

They don’t use you.

And you can have them over even when the house is a tip without judgement.

But I have also have a handful of friends that I keep at arms length that I meet up with once or twice a year because I enjoy their company but also know they are highly dysfunctional, or are users.

This.

I found, as someone who suffered from boundary confusion for most of my life, that "not a close friendship but not ghosted" was a freeing idea. I have very low tolerance for dysfunction in people, so I end up putting a lot of distance in relationships. But I don't cut people out anymore. That works for me. It feels like I have evolved.

I agree to check in less frequently and see how that goes. Sometimes it's better to be a holiday friend than an unhappy friend. If the person is draining your time and 3nergy or using you then gracefully exit becoming busy.

Thank you everyone for your feedback!

This particular issue has been a sore spot for me for a very long time. When I was young, I would get attached to friends very quickly, often to my detriment. More oftentimes than not, I would place more value on the friendship than the other person. The end result is I would get hurt. Over time that lead to walling myself off to others which ends up being very self defeating.

When I was in IC, I spoke to the therapist about this and this friend in particular. My therapists take was you need to understand that this friend has a life and commitments outside of your friendship and you need to be cognizant of that.

To give a bit of background, I known my friend for about 10 years. We met because we both participated in a sport at the same facility. We would do other things from time to time away from that activity but most of our face to face interactions occurred at the facility.

Well I had an issue with the instructor and changed facilities. While my friend and I maintained contact, we’ve only met in person a handful of times. I started to really examine the friendship and really feel it’s quite lopsided.

I always listed to his problems and would offer feedback and suggestions. When I tried to do the same, I would get little to no feedback. It seems like I am the one always making the suggestion to get together. To be fair, he will reach out via PM to say how’s it going, but never really engage in conversation unless it’s about an issue he’s having.

This is where I’m a bit stuck. Am I reading too much into this and just need to accept this is how the friendship is or have things run it’s course? Or is this a case of me imagining the friendship was more than it was all along?

You don’t have to choose to do anything.

You can decide the next the friend reaches out whether to answer or not.

Beyond that, it seems like a very one sided friendship. You are there for the friend, the friend not so much for you.

You can let this friendship die and move on. No harm no foul.

It is your choice whether to maintain this friendship. I agree it sounds very one-sided. You are a convenient sounding board. Doesn't mean the other person is bad, they may not even realize what they are doing. If you feel that you are not valued enough and are hurt by this, it makes sense to move on. He can probably find a bartender at the corner pub or perhaps even a therapist to fill that void. And you can spend your time and energy elsewhere.