SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Unless you have a specific reason for it, like kids turning 18 or leaving the house in a few months, or some other reason.

This is the reason right here. DS is leaving home (700 miles) for a job in a few months, don't want to add D on top of that quite honestly.

Well than at least get the paperwork in order and find an attorney that you like. You can do that, and a week or two before your son leaves for his new job, pull your WW aside and let her know that you plan on divorcing her. Ask her to do it amicably, and see if you can mediate (will be a whole lot cheaper this way). Ask her to do her best to keep it chill and quiet for the Son.

This way, you can still be working on the D, while waiting for your son to leave. This is not a quick process by any means, so get ahead of it. Set up separate bank accounts, and start moving your paychecks into the new account, start separating things. Find out about insurance...... the list goes on. So that you will be prepared and less stressed when you finally serve the WW. Trust me dude, it requires a lot of getting bank, investment, insurance statements and things like that. If you had any accounts, and investments prior, look for those now. Anything you have prior to your marriage is separate property.

The other thing to do is to find the right attorney, which can take time. So you have your work cut out for you, even if you plan on waiting for the next 3 months. So get on pulling this stuff together.

Another thing to consider is to spend that time with your son and if you have other children. Really do the best you can to bolster those relationships, in preparation for the D. 3 months will come in no time, and will be a lot better if you are well prepared.

OP … understood.

Something to consider … you know the personalities involved … but is it better for him to deal with this now, where you can be there for support, or by himself in a new city?

[This message edited by ButAnyway at 11:21 PM, Friday, February 18th]

I have two attorney meetings next Friday. I'd like to get a couple more recommendations before I decide on one, but after those meetings I'll have a better idea of a timeline I think.

Something to consider … you know the personalities involved … but is it better for him to deal with this now, where you can be there for support, or by himself in a new city?

I'm pretty sure he already knows, I'm just not "supposed" to know that he does.

Wait until you see the attorneys. You’ll have a clearer picture of what to do.

Many people on this site get a counselor to help them and to help them help their children navigate all the changes. I didn’t want to hurt my children by D their Father, but the counselor helped all of us learn how to live in reality. And the reality is, my xwh is sick. My kids learned tools to deal with him even now-10 years later.

It worked out for my kids and I that I D my ws. Be sure to ask for full custody-it’s not an automatic for the mother any longer.

Yes yes, I'm going to just kinda move along slowly here I think. I've got the attorney meetings set. Once I have those, I'll evaluate my next move. I've got a counseling session schedule the following week. I can bring the divorce info into that as well and that will provide some further guidance.

I happen to know she would like me to be able to keep the house in a divorce for the kids sake. She knows she won't be able to afford the house on her income and she does not want to take the kids.

So that's the plan I guess. I'm going to try not to worry about months down the line, I'll just worry about the next step. Right now the next step is the attorney. I was give a list of documents and information to gather. I'll do that. I'll worry about the step after that....after that.

Meanwhile, I want to get back to the gym. And make sure my kids have what they need. And I need to get my trumpet chops back where they should be. And strap the guitar back on. And see what a few old friends I haven't checked in with in a while are up to. And...well, I'll find something.

You’re 56 and on your FOURTH DD. You’ve got nothing to lose ripping the bandaid off now vs later, except a serial cheating WS.

Get out there and find out what you’ve been missing all these years. You have a fleeting opportunity to find someone who can show you real love. And when you do find that person, you’ll regret you didn’t find them sooner.

Divorces are a long protracted process, by design. They can be delayed, paused or cancelled at anytime. It’s not like you’re jumping out of an airplane. Although, I would jump out of perfectly good airplane to get away from a serial cheater.

Yesterday this happened.

So the big final finish happened tonight. I tracked her to a parking lot, where her car just sat for a while, then went to a store and returned to the lot. As it sat there, I wondered what the hell was going on. I figured she was with him, so I went to check it out. Sure enough, there was her car with his right next to it.

I called his wife (we've been talking for a few days now), and she suggested to go say Hi! and grab a picture. So, I did.

I told her not to come home tonight.

Heading home afterwards, she calls me in tears saying she is sorry. I agreed to let her come and grab some things so she can be gone for a bit.

So now all questions are answered, the story has been written. Onto the next phase of this little journey.

Truth be told, I feel pretty good. I actually am more relaxed now (it was quite the adrenaline rush!) It's over. No more marriage police. No more worrying what she's up to. No more walking on eggshells around her, no more of any of that.

And of course, that changes this discussion quite dramatically.

WNM,

I am sorry you had the "pleasure" of seeing the cheating in action. I found my WH with his AP at a restaurant and I walked in a confronted them. It was both epic and horrible. But it did poured a whole lot of cold water on my hopium… the pipe of hope I was smoking.
It hurt so freaking much, but it also gave me what I needed to start moving my life forward, separating from him and starting my life. I let it drag on for another year ( I am slow learner, apparently) but that was a key moment.

Many on here have come back later thankful for their WS actually being so cruel b/c the fast band-aid removal approach does lead to healing sooner. Doesn’t make it hurt less, though.

Focus on you. Start getting your ducks in a row, one step at a time.
Read about the 180 in the healing library (and a few good bullseye posts in JFO I think) and implement it. It will help you detach from her enough to think straight. Your brain needs the break.

Hang in there. You will be okay.

Thank you, BearlyBreathing. I know it better to get it done, and now of course, the damage is quite extensive. I'll be pulling the trigger pretty much as soon as I pick an attorney.

Be prepared for the cheater to try to come crawling back. Lots of regret and crying. Promises of epic proportion.

Please don’t fall for it. Don’t allow it to continue ur for more than one second.

Some cheaters will give you the Academy Award performance. Please don’t fall for it.

Thanks but as things has unfolded, this seems like an exit affair. I really think she wants out, and this affair was a way to end it. So be it. It didn't have to be this way.

The more I think about it, the more I feel that my fWW's A was also an exit affair. She wanted to be closer to her family and this was a good time to put the plan in motion. Problem was that the AP didn't play along. He WA just using her for cheap sex.

Bump.