SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

...if you keep re-reading the last one."

This was one of the quotes that the adultery co-conspirator showed my H on the only full weekend he stayed at her house during his A. He said she had this written down in a journal...along with several other writings she "came up with". He was amazed at all of these thoughts she had that were put into words with these profound writings...so she sent him a picture of this one and another one for him to keep . He was so SHOCKED when I showed him these same "writings" in memes. He really thought SHE had written these herself . Nope...just one more LIE she let him believe about her...just like the LIES he let her believe about him .

I actually used this quote in the final email I sent the adultery co-conspirator . I THANKED her for giving my H that quote ...and let her know that WE were starting the next chapter of OUR life...because his chapter with her was DONE . I can picture her face to this day...what it would have looked like when she read that quote I wrote to her...and KNEW that my H then KNEW another LIE she told him. I am not sure if that was the final nail in the coffin...because I wrote a LOT of venomous things...even though they were all true...in that email. She never tried to contact either of us since that time though...so mission accomplished .

This morning my H and I exchanged Valentine's Day cards . My day started off so WELL !! Then we started our daily Bible Study. WARNING: there is some faith based stuff after this!!

As a Catholic...I subscribe to "The Word Among Us" and read the articles as part of my personal daily devotional. I was reading the article titled "Silence is not Absence". It was a pretty fascinating article that started off with a psychological study that was called "planning fallacy". This study showed how people underestimate how much time it will take to accomplish a task.

The article then went on to talk about growing Chinese bamboo. It seems like nothing is happening with this bamboo...until about year 5. No sprouts...no stems...nothing. Then suddenly...this bamboo can grow about 90 feet in 5 weeks !! What has been going on for those 5 years is something that can't be seen...above ground anyway . During that time though...the seeds of the bamboo have been setting out a root system that goes wide and DEEP in order to sustain the plant when it does start to sprout . I tell you...I was really getting into this article !!!

Suddenly I saw the words...in BOLD letters...Turn the Page. DANG . Trigger city . It brought me right back to the day my H showed me the picture of that quote. How he described where they were...in her living room...on her couch...when she shared with him her PRIVATE journal. He remembered thinking how he felt bad for leading her on into thinking that he cared...and she actually took a picture and sent two of those quotes to him. He also told me about being amazed at how PROFOUND her writings were...he was really impressed at that moment. It was a moment they SHARED. He had no idea at the time that she was lying to him...and had her own agenda like he did. To HIM...she was baring her soul to a man she was head over heels in love with...and he felt bad...but good...at the same time . Of course...with my help ...he realized that this SHARED moment was not REAL . It was just two SELFISH people creating this FAKE moment to propel their agenda forward .

I OWNED this quote on the day I wrote it to the adultery co-conspirator in that venomous email. But MAN...it sure caught me by surprise when I read those words today. Isn't it weird how ALL of this can come flooding back in SECONDS? Only...time stood still when I read those words...and not in a good way .

I am not sure if it was because Valentine's Day was coming up...or because I am home in a self imposed quarantine...or because I have been reading about all of the posts on here showing the heartache that THIS day brings. But the devil has sure been trying his best to get me down lately. he didn't succeed...until I read those words . I tried to hide the tears from my H...who was sitting right next to me reading his personal daily devotional. But when it came time for us to read OUR devotional together...he could sense that something wasn't right.

He grabbed my hand and asked if everything was alright. I shook my head NO...and then the tears started . He immediately said he was sorry to see me hurting. Then he asked if I wanted to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about it because I don't want to bring his A up in his face anymore. But he gently persuaded me to open up...and then the damn broke. Tears flowing freely...I told him what triggered me .

My H sat there and listened...never letting go of my hand . After I finished he apologized for being the one to cause me so much pain. We went on to finish Bible Study...and then hugged before he went to get dressed to go to work. He makes sure I get my 4 hugs a day!

While he was getting dressed I asked him how all of this made him feel. He said he feels shame that HE is the cause of this pain. He feels helpless because he knows there is nothing he can do to erase anything that he did. He feels hopeful though because we can talk it out now and we can move on from it. Move on from it. Turn the page. See where I am going?!

After my H left for work...I went back to that article. I started where it said in bold...Turn the Page. The paragraph talks about how some people may be reading a book...then something really bad happens to their favorite character. Some people may just stop reading the book...or even throw it against the wall! But then they pick the book back up and keep reading...because they want to know what comes next. It then ends the paragraph with THIS profound writing...Just because something terrible has happened doesn't mean you abandon the story. It means you turn the page.

I turned the page . WE turned the page . I am going to add the above writing to my mindset about that quote that the adultery co-conspirator used. WE can't start the next chapter in our M if we keep re-reading the last one. Something TERRIBLE happened in our M...but we didn't abandon it...we just turned the page !!

This also applies to my 1st M...which ended in D after my H left me after I caught him with a 2nd adultery co-conspirator . It was a TERRIBLE time...but my life's story did NOT end there! I turned the page...and my story kept going . YES...I was put in infidelity HELL again through no fault of my own. But God never abandoned me...and somehow...He made my life RICHER despite it . He's amazing at doing stuff like that when we let Him !

May we never underestimate what God is doing when it seemed that He was doing nothing. Pretty profound . I won't be like the adultery co-conspirator...and pretend that I could come up with this! This was the last sentence in that article this morning . My DEAR faith filled friends and family on here...no matter WHAT life throws at us...we KNOW the end of our story will be GLORIOUS . Let's don't abandon OUR story just because something bad happens. Just turn the page...start the next chapter of our lives...whatever path we take...and ENJOY the ride .

I needed to read this this morning because I STILL find myself somewhat stuck on the last chapter of what my life used to be but also wanting to move forward to see what else God has in store for me... wanting so badly to let go of the past hurts and to Turn the Page.

Thank you for your insight Want2BHappyAgain:)

Hurtmyheart...you're welcome . I didn't get much closure with my XWH much like you with your deceased WH. I didn't know about doing all of that way back then. It was recovering from the A with my 2nd H that helped me get some sense of closure with my XWH...over 30 years later . Don't be like me !

Just start moving forward Dear Lady...even if it is baby steps . God is FAITHFUL...and will NEVER let you down !!!

Love this post!! Very inspirational for so many.

What is interesting is that the cheaters (both spouse and AP) believe everything they tell each other, without thinking for a second that some (or all) just may be false.

No one is using anyone for anything in an affair — it’s all true love blah blah blah.

Well, I think I got you beat where time is concerned, HappyAgain. My deceased WH and I were together 35 years at the time of his death. And he also played outside the marriage for those 35 years too. Wonderful

Maybe in time I will be able to rise above but for now I am taking care of my life one day at a time and doing the best I can do in each day while still on this earth. Besides, I'm pretty positive that he is waiting for me across the vail and I'm not so sure that I want to go down that path again. 😅

Thank you for your words of encouragement, very much appreciated.😊

Beautiful, inspirational post, W2B!

The1stWife...exactly!! I see it so much with the new Waywards who come here and are still in that "But OUR A was different...it was REAL!" mindset. My H wrote that to the adultery co-conspirator in his NC message. This was before I found SI. He wrote to her to tell her that even though what THEY had was REAL...I was the one who made him happy . He went on to write that he wasn't going to communicate with her anymore so that he could concentrate on OUR M. That HURT to read those words about THEM having something REAL . I knew though...from my experience with my XWH...that NO feelings like that in an A are REAL. However...I didn't expect that my H would find out so quickly...and that I would be there to witness it .

At that time...when I read those words in his NC message...that part that said that I was the one who made him happy...it didn't FIT with what he was writing. I didn't understand WHY he would write that. When I asked him about it he told me that the adultery co-conspirator always told him that ALLLL she ever wanted was for HIM to be happy...even if it wasn't with HER. He said he wrote that part to let her know WHY he was going to work on OUR M. SHE would understand what he wrote...of course...because that was what she wanted for HIM . Well...I KNEW that wasn't real either!! The next morning...when he read the reply she wrote to him after his NC message...her TRUE agenda came out!! He got so ANGRY at the part where she wrote that he was an idiot for believing ANYONE else could make him happy. Didn't he realize only SHE could make him happy???!!! That A fog...feelings...fantasy bubble...whatever people describe it...just VANISHED at that moment! I thank God that He let me witness that revelation !

A few months later we discussed his anger from when he read her reply. I had learned how anger is a secondary emotion...brought on by a primary emotion...and I wanted to know what his primary emotion was at that point. He told me that he was embarrassed when he read what she wrote because he knew right then that he had been USED...just as he had used her. That was an AHA moment for me because I remember to this day how the adultery co-conspirator wrote in a later message that my H made her feel like a USED...USELESS...NOBODY because he never replied to her continued attempts to try and contact him. That sums it up very clearly to me. An A is truly just two selfish people USING each other.

Hurtmyheart...yes ma'am you do . My XWH and I were only married 4 years. I found out he cheated on me the 1st time when we were only married for 3 months . He probably never really stopped cheating...I just was able to catch him those 2 times. I was so NAIVE back then...thinking true love would win out !! I started out thinking that I would NEVER divorce the man I married...WE could work things out. I cringe just writing that !!!

I went to counseling with my Parish Priest for a bit...but I never really got closure from how my XWH abused me...and the trauma that being with him caused me. I always knew my worth...and I guess I rugswept those feelings for those 30 years.

My lizard brain didn't forget though . I STILL am impressed with how my limbic system took over on Dday with my H . No groveling...NO PICK ME DANCE...no emotion whatsoever. Just a matter of fact statement..."The marriage is over". An hour later we were discussing R...but that's a whole other story !!!

Taking life one day at a time seems like a pretty good idea . That's pretty much what Jesus told us to do...and you can't go wrong with His advice !!

Besides, I'm pretty positive that he is waiting for me across the vail and I'm not so sure that I want to go down that path again.

God abhors adultery so much that it made His Top Ten list!! I doubt that there will be any of that where we are going. I can picture adulterers going through a type of regimen to retrain whatever part it is that led them to go down THAT path!! Hell Week will have NOTHING on THIS !!!

BraveSirRobin...thank you for your kind words my friend . Hmmm...I hadn't thought about it...but if this post is inspirational...maybe it belongs in another thread !!

Love this!!

W2BHA I just wanted to tell you, you are such an inspiration for all the work you put in and the positive attitude towards healing yourself.

I found myself, during the rare moments when I may feel negative or low these days, reminding myself of how determined you are to not allow this event in your life to conquer and rule it. And that’s when I get up and dust myself again and remind myself that this doesn’t own me, I own it! Thank you!

zebra25...thank you !!

Luna10...you're welcome !! Your post made me tear up...that was so sweet...thank you for that . You definitely have OWNED several things yourself !! I think we both get inspiration from each other's posts .

Very beautiful post. Thanks for sharing.

Mustache...you're welcome !!

Love when you share your positivity on here! Great post. :)

Underserving...thank you ! You have had some pretty positive posts yourself!! I am looking forward to seeing even MORE !

Thank you for the positive post. After the fog cleared my W realized the amount of deception it took to maintain an A. They have to fulfill this fantasy image in their head.

It’s such a fake relationship. It’s like taking a crayon and drawing a $1 million dollar bill and then dream about all the ways to spend that money.

It’s like taking a crayon and drawing a $1 million dollar bill and then dream about all the ways to spend that money.

GREAT analogy Tanner . I feel we are Blessed in that our Waywards came to see the reality of their A rather quickly. I've read...especially on other sites...where the Waywards keep on believing the deception even after their A is over . They don't see their A for what it was...two people USING each other for their own selfish desires. They are in a hellish place of their own making...and they can't even see the devastation they are causing to themselves.

Once my H turned that page...he never looked back with fondness at that chapter. This allowed me to keep him in my life's story...and me in his . I am so looking forward to what our next chapter holds !!