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Andi filed for D, I was served Saturday. I've had all day to process it and I feel relieved, actually. I'm glad it was her decision and not mine. I didn't want be the bad guy.

IC told me two sessions ago that I was a conflict avoider, maybe that's why I'm glad Andi made the first move towards D.

I'm not going back to the OW, she looks less interesting all the sudden. I'll try to understand why in IC next week.

Andi will have to buy me out of our house if she wants it.

She said she had a lawyer who would draw everything up for both of us if I'd agree to it, I'm a little hesitant about that.

My sisters are saying "absolutely not" and that I should get an attorney. They never really liked Andi, but they always treated her kindly for my sake.

MA,

I agree with your sisters. You need your own attorney to look out for your interests.

Andi's attorney is working for her, not you.

Best of luck going forward.

Your wife had 2 affairs that you know of which defines a serial cheater. You were honest she wasn’t. I don’t see where you’re losing much.

It’s pretty typical in these cases when the shoe is on the other foot its a different ballgame for the original wayward.

Lawyer up and protect yourself is your only smart choice.

Agree with getting a lawyer, they are there to remove the emotional side of this and to simply make sure you are getting a fair deal.

I'm glad it was her decision and not mine. I didn't want be the bad guy.

is she now the "bad guy"?

^^^^^^ exactly, FD.

The general rule for madhatters, is each of you are entitled to your own pain,and feelings about how they were betrayed.

From your wife's perspective, because you immediately went back to the OW, when you separated, she has no reason to believe anything you said to her about the affair, or your feelings surrounding the affair, and OW. She has no reason to believe you had an ounce of remorse.

And, though you claim the affair wasn't out of revenge, she has every reason to believe this latest dalliance with OW, was out of revenge.

She is not the bad guy. That title belongs to both of you.

[This message edited by HellFire at 11:19 AM, May 23rd (Sunday)]

Hellfire, never for a moment do I not accept and understand the pain I caused my marriage. And I do not discount or minimize Andi's pain for a second.

Forgettable, I wanted it to be Andi's decision. No, she's not the bad guy at all.

The revelations of Andi's other OM that she hid from me for years, and my recent hookup with OW, I think did it in for both of us.

I'm ready to move on and Andi's D filing says she's ready also. This is the best decision for both of us.

[This message edited by MyAndI at 3:46 PM, May 23rd (Sunday)]

My default position will always be... Do what Marz said...