Newest Member: Elise1


M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

Trip to Fiji and Australia next year - suggestions? Scuba sites?

Soooo. - looks like I'm going to Fiji, and given the time to get across the globe, want to go to Australia too.

1st question is that diving the barrier reef is on my bucket list (for like 40+ years). I have really enjoyed scuba, but my last dive was >10 yrs ago (I think. - had hoped to do so during a 2018 trip to Roatan, but it was mere weeks after dday and I honestly did not feel safe w/in my own body at the time). So, I'm going to take the full course again and probably do check out here in the states. Any suggestions on best places / what's worth the travel time along the GBR? I know lots of snorkelers, but dunno if I know any divers who have done GBR.

Then there's trying to figure out if it's worth the travel time to go to the central corridor/Ayer's rock. I can fly US to Sydney then catch a flight to ayers area, then have a day or so before having to head to Cairns or Brisbane to dive for a day or two and then will have to head to Fiji (will be meeting a large group in Fiji). I'm just not sure it's worth the time and $$$ to see the central country. I've explored similar geography in the US (Utah, NM, NV, AZ, etc). I'm thinking I may rather try and find things to explore along the Gold Coast (not so sure I wanna add more diving, as I'll be diving in Fiji as well, and will need to consider the 18+ hr "rest" before flying again).

In Fiji, will have a day in Nadi before taking boat to the Yasawa islands for the rest of the week. That was a tough decision, as Suva and that end of Viti Levu looked pretty cool, with more cultural stuff than Yasawa side of things where it's a 3+hr boat ride to Viti Levu, so it will basically be a week of beach/water activities (which is great, but I DO like to try and get some feel for the county beyond the beach). Anything special to see / do in an afternoon & evening in Nadi?

I COULD extend another few days to hit NZ, but I'm just not so sure about that. Another option is to do a week in NZ, then fiji for a week, and then try and hit the barrier reef for 3 days and then back to the US. Extends the time away, and adds $$$ so not sure I could make that happen.

Anyone have any thoughts/experiences/suggestions?

11 comments posted: Monday, June 20th, 2022

Editing posts - no quote or image buttons plus posting image issues

When I try to edit a post, the options for quote/bold/italics/img are not available.

Also, I can't seem to get images to work (I've used imgur in the past w/o issue... not sure what other free hosting sites are out there). My images are in my imgur account, but when I post them on SI, I get a box saying they aren't on the original server....

0 comment posted: Friday, August 20th, 2021

No scroll bar w/in a thread?

Just noticed the scroll bar on the right side of the site disappeared in a thread.
I'm seeing it's still here as I write this post, but it wasn't on the last thread I was in

0 comment posted: Saturday, July 31st, 2021

No more simplicity or simplicity-like format?

I'm also having a font issue - I can adjust the font using that icon at the top, but that only makes the font smaller - not all the screens (I'm using a laptop, not a tablet). If I change my browser, then I can read SI, but every other page I open is tiny, so we'd have to be always switching back & forth on the browser's zoom function.

Is there a way to view all threads in a list like we had with Simplicity (which I assume is being discontinued)? Or even the non-simplicity interface (which IIRC listed all forums)?

When I click the link to use the old format, it takes me to accept cookies and a welcome page, but as soon as I click "forums", I get the new interface that requires clicking an individual forum to then see the threads (which also takes a ton of scrolling bc the text is huge).

ETA: and even when I adjust the font size w/in SI, as soon as I make a post it goes back to the larger/default size.

ETA again:
Also - I can hardly even get to this forum. Because all the text (not just posts, but the interface) is all so large and this is the last one on the dropdown, as I try to scroll down to it, I lose the dropdown bc it's larger than my laptop's screen.

Finally, there seems to be an endless "loop" on the accept cookies. As soon as I accept the cookies (or click the x to close that pop up window), I get returned to the new site. Then click the old site link, get the cookie acceptance pop up (again), click accept or close, and right back to the new site's landing page.

14 comments posted: Friday, July 30th, 2021

Complex Ptsd by Pete Walker

Anyone read this? My (trauma experienced) IC recommended it. ​

I'm only a few pages in, but wow!

One tidbit was basically that if the powers that be were to recognize CPTSD, the DSM would go from an encyclopedia to a pamphlet (which is similar to some of Van der Kolk's stances).

It's kind of blowing my mind... and ... there's something that feels a little "off" that I can't quite put my finger on.

6 comments posted: Thursday, July 15th, 2021

Stan Tatkin's books / Helping Couples Heal

Over the weekend I listened to the Tatkin interview of HCH's podcast. I thought it was very helpful, with several "money quotes" that I'll try and post about later. One of the "biggies" for me was Tatkin saying (around 53:35 min) that:

The greatest prediction of a successful outcome in any betrayal case is the willingness of the victim [BS] stand their ground. If they do not stand their ground, the prognosis gets poorer and poorer. Everything hinges on [the BS] saying "it's this or goodbye" ... they are unwavering and they are watching to see whether the [WS] is behaving in accordance to these ideas and these terms.... full stop. That changes everything, and that will bring anybody who is a wrongdoer [the WS] to their knees if they care, they don't want to lose the relationship and they will do their work. But everything hinges on [the BS] saying "you do it or you're gone"

Ms. Breecker chimed in, saying that the goal in therapy and in healing is moving the victim to a place of empowerment. That in order to move from being a victim and to become empowered, the BW "must be able to own that power and make their needs known"

Tatkin: "That's what attachment security is about.... otherwise the person can do whatever they want, living in a boundaryless world, which is bad for them [the WS]. We're not supposed to get away with everything."

"we are talking about a set of behaviors for which [the WS] is accountable"

As I type this, I may post in general to relay my thoughts about the above, but also wanted to post here as the interview made me wonder if others have read any of his books and were willing to share thoughts.

1 comment posted: Monday, March 29th, 2021

Out of the Doghouse

Anyone read this? My WH's new CSAT suggested it. I'm listening to it and so far not finding much of anything to criticize, other than I get a tad irked by saying "in the doghouse" too much, and the imagery that conveys (to me, it's not so much in the doghouse as it is in a doghouse that you shit & pissed in over & over & over again, that stinks of the putrid lies and deceit of your selfishness... but something tells me that title may not sell so well )

Seems to be written in a pretty straightforward/informal language. So, curious if others have any opinions - a part of me wonders if this is just a more straightforward way of getting to the points of "Not Just Friends".

Maybe the BS blaming comes later, but about 25-30% through I'm not feeling it...

3 comments posted: Friday, December 27th, 2019

Carol (the Coach) Juergensen Sheets workbooks

Anyone done any of them?

Looks like she has one called "Help. Her. Heal" (which also has a video workshop)

Another called "Improving Relationships. A Couple's Workbook"

"Group Work For Men In Sexual Recovery" (she calls it a "manual"

Curious if aanyone has experience here....

1 comment posted: Wednesday, December 18th, 2019

The Unspeakable Mind: Stories of Trauma

Anyone read this (by Shaili Jain)? It's new (May '19) and not available at my library, so wondering if anyone has any thoughts before I shell out $30.

3 comments posted: Wednesday, December 18th, 2019


I found my WH's phone backups going back to 2011. I bought a refurb BB Curve 8530 on ebay


now I cannot find any of the old versions of the software to restore from the dozens of backup files I have in .ipd and .bbb format.

I did download the newest version (i think 7), but it won't even recognize the old file formats to do a restore to the phone :(

This could be a goldmine, if I could just get my hands on some legacy software - any ideas?

[This message edited by gmc94 at 2:18 AM, October 28th (Sunday)]

2 comments posted: Sunday, October 28th, 2018

Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton

Anyone read this?

I do not agree with all of his premises (esp that morality itself is bad - which may be why he's been married FIVE times), but his concepts of honesty and intimacy really ring true to me.

Just curious if anyone else has read this and their opinions.

0 comment posted: Friday, October 12th, 2018

Cookies on®® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20240523a 2002-2024® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy