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xpos pulled every dirty trick he could think of during the D. He was angry that I wanted the house (on the sound advice of my financial adviser), because he wanted his half of the sale in hand to spend on the slut and their wedding. He was even angrier when he saw that I ended up with some of his money even after giving him half of the house's value. So angry that he kept taking me to court for money (didn't get any).

He is very controlling and even tried to control the judge's orders; was in contempt of court for 6 months on one order, then told the judge the date he would come to the house to collect his belongings - a different date and time from the judge's order.

When he got his things (on the day and time the judge ordered), he refused to do anything about a bunch of big things that were less than perfect or downright broken. Told me "You wanted the house, deal with it".

D was years ago. I am finally getting through old papers and finding ones that I would prefer to shred - a pile of them things of his. Some may have importance to him, but I am still inclined to shred. I do not want to see him nor have anyone else go between, nor spend to have them sent.

He had told several people (that I know of) that he had almost left two years earlier. I learned he had a girlfriend then, too. Soooo, my thought is that anything he left goes with what he said I need to "deal with" since he had known he planned to leave for those two years, so had lots of time to gather anything he valued.

I have sold most of the things he left. I still have several boxes of a collection he had yet to sell. Only other things are those papers.

Would shredding them (in view of his actions and words) make me as bad as him? What would -- or did -- you do?

Shred the shit.

It's not mean at all. It's your house and you get to deal with the things in it how you see fit.

I might be a bad judge of that tho. The things I found after xwh moved out got sold, smashed, burned, or put on dog shit and river danced upon.

I would shred it without a second thought, for two reasons.

This-

Told me "You wanted the house, deal with it".

And this-

D was years ago.

He's had plenty of time & opportunity to collect his crap.

You are not a bad person.

Shred them, burn them or whatever you want to do with them.

If they were important to him, he would have gotten them.

Not your problem.

What they all ^^^^said. He chose to not take them. Get his nasty mojo out of YOUR house.

After years consider it abandoned property. You have no obligation.

Get rid of his left behind stuff however you can.

Shred,burn his stuff like everybody said. Your house your rule tell your x to pound sand

Papers important to him?

Don’t burn them! Think of the environment!

Cut the papers into convenient squares and use imaginatively…

Max Reger is supposed to have sent a critic the following:

“I am in the smallest room of the house. I have your review in front of me. Soon it will be behind me.”

Paraphrasing Reger send your ex the following:

“I am in the smallest room of the house. I have your papers in front of me. Soon they will be behind me.”

Here's what I did.

My ex had 45 days to collect specific items from the house. He chose to wait 293 days before dealing with the issue. He didn't get the things he wanted, as the paperwork was very specific in that after 45 days, ownership automatically reverted to me.

When I was cleaning out the basement storage area preparatory to moving, I did come across things like photographs of his father, etc., that I thought he might want to have. So I did make arrangements for him to come and get what he wanted before tossing the rest of it. Since they were things that were important to him and irreplaceable, I thought it was the right thing to do. I know he wouldn't have done the same if the shoe were on the other foot, but I wanted to look in the mirror without guilt.

Does that make sense? If the papers are irreplaceable, perhaps you take a different course of action. If they are not, well, why should they be your responsibility?

Cat

Video tape whatever you do to/with them! Make sure to time stamp them. Perhaps send a ransom note. Or maybe a bill for storage letting him know that you now own said items but for the low, low price of______ they can be his again. Then put in a safety deposit box until you either DO sell them back to him or shred them. Again, I'd video me shredding and send it to him, but hey, I'm pretty like that!

Let us know what you decide to do.

might be a bad judge of that tho. The things I found after xwh moved out got sold, smashed, burned, or put on dog shit and river danced upon.

My vote is for "put on dog shit and riverdance upon" the ex's things.

I have used an ax, a chainsaw, a wood chipper, and a grinding wheel to get rid of some of my "excess" baggage. Ooh, don't forget the sledgehammer.

It's very cathartic. For me. Pls ignore if it's not your style.

Oh, I do wish I could Riverdance - that sounds like a great solution! Thanks for all the affirmative responses. That is exactly what I would love to do with it all. Except that there are photos that include some of his family that have passed and some papers about family land.

I really hate myself for hesitating or caring one little bit about this because of some things he did to things of mine that he knew I care about. Not to mention that he tried to kill me. I also hate that I have that little creature on my shoulder that makes me consider him at all. But I have a box for shredding that still isn't full....

And, darn you, Catwoman, for writing what that little creature keeps telling me.

[This message edited by thebighurt at 9:36 PM, May 12th (Wednesday)]

Your ex has shown that he doesn't want and certainly doesn't miss whatever it is. If he had any interest, he would have asked. Clearly, from his personality, anything important WAS HIS. His lack of care shows all you need to know. Nor is it your responsibility any longer to inquire whether or not he may have any need of it. Dispose of it in whatever way is convenient for YOU.

Yes, Tigersrule77, that creature on my other shoulder keeps kicking me and saying exactly what you and *almost* all of the others have said. (Darn you, Catwoman!) Thanks everyone.

I am inclined to agree with people here that they are yours. If he's had sufficient warning and time to get them, don't waste time telling him again.

Maybe not make a ceremony of it. Somehow it feels he still has power over you if you are burning them or river dancing them into dog poo. Just run them through the shredder and immediately turn back to your life.

I still believe that if these things are irreplaceable, consider being the bigger person and giving them to him. Even though he'll probably be a turd about it (mine was), I know I did the right thing by giving him the opportunity to have them. Even though I know he would have destroyed my things if the shoe were on the other foot, I can rest more easily knowing that I am a much better person than he will ever be. And THAT is the example I wish to set for my children.

Cat

I agree with Cat. I've tried to model both boundaries and being a bigger person for my kids.

If things are irreplaceable, put them away and forget about it for now. But if it's not, burn baby burn.

Shred the shit.

^This.

I wouldn't worry about whether there was anything of importance. If there was, it was his responsibility to get the documents of value. He didn't. It's no longer your job to have to worry about such things when it comes to him.

Well, it's done - GONE! I shredded all but a couple of things that are possibly legally related and a few photos that may go to the kids, not him.

And he will only get the papers if he remembers and requests it in a couple of years or it will be in the next shredding purge. Even things I had in my "proof file" for the D that were in the papers are out of my life now.

I thank you all for your input. I took what I thought the "best and most prudent" about it all and went from there. So much less paper around now!

I noticed that the title still says "long". Lol. I had deleted a bunch of my musing before posting so it wasn't all that. I knew with all the great minds here together, all aspects would be represented and I wasn't disappointed. You rock!