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Reconciliation :
Thankful Thursday

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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 9:38 PM on Thursday, November 16th, 2023

I’m so sorry about your sister, W2B, but I’m glad you have that gratitude and the gift of a life with her.

I actually thought of this thread today. I have a little a Friday club with my students, so I spent an hour planning out a gratitude activity for us to do tomorrow. They are sweet kids, and I’m grateful for them.

I’m also grateful for a change of pace over thanksgiving break, when we’re going out of state to be with my in-laws. I’m looking forward to it!

Husband had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Married 20 years at that point; two teenaged kids. Reconciling.

posts: 595   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8815356
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Ladybugmaam ( member #69881) posted at 7:06 PM on Friday, December 8th, 2023

Today I'm grateful for where we are. Unfortunately, IF the timeline I received was truthful....today was the day of their first hook-up. It's there simmering in the back of my mind, but nowhere near the intensity of years past. FWH is taking me on a date tonight. Our relationship is fundamentally different. We had no clue before the A. I'm grateful that we've both done so much work and now can reap the rewards of it.

On another note, inexplicably I'm suddenly not running into OW nearly as much as I have. Maybe she's found something better to do than stalk me. Haven't really seen her or had her pop up in nearly 3 months. I'm still doing my workouts to train for upcoming races, but she's no longer putting herself in my path. Super grateful for that. The lack of interaction is making me realize that for 23 years of our relationship, she was a stranger. And, in the future, she will be a stranger. In my mind, she's becoming more and more insignificant.

EA DD 11/2018
PA DD 2/25/19
One teen son
I am a phoenix.

posts: 459   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2019
id 8817792
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:25 PM on Saturday, December 9th, 2023

Late, but ... my Thanksgiving meals included Paxlovid. I'm very grateful none of the few people around me got Covid-19. I'm very grateful for my quick recovery. And I'm very grateful for the vaccines and Paxlovid.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 29580   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8817868
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ff4152 ( member #55404) posted at 10:12 PM on Thursday, December 28th, 2023

As I do not want this thread to disappear, let me just say that I am thankful for the person who started this discussion. I know she hasn’t been around these parts for a bit and is missed.

So W2Bh, I’m raising a glass to you and hope to see you back very soon.

Me -FWS

posts: 2096   ·   registered: Sep. 30th, 2016
id 8819595
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Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 5:22 PM on Sunday, December 31st, 2023

Another belated Thankful Thursday here on New Year’s Eve, but I do love this thread and visit it every time I drive by the old SI and see thoughts from members building back from the trauma and finding ways forward.

About to head out soon, my wife and I rarely get out and about on holidays, but we are celebrating our lives and have set up a number of adventures coming up on the calendar.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy as possible New Year!

Married 35+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived. M Restored.
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca

posts: 4698   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: Home.
id 8819897
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ff4152 ( member #55404) posted at 2:03 AM on Friday, January 5th, 2024

I’m thankful that my sister from another mister popped in to say hi today.

Me -FWS

posts: 2096   ·   registered: Sep. 30th, 2016
id 8820291
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hikingout ( member #59504) posted at 4:33 AM on Thursday, January 18th, 2024

Technically, it’s not Thursday for another 40 minutes or so. But I had an epiphany tonight while I was making dinner for H and I.

Some of you may remember at the time I began the A, it was during a very stressful time in a business start up for us. There were lots of other things going in then too. Our youngest was heading to college and it was hectic to say the least.

My H and I have just settled back down and he is in the midst of starting another business that kind of dove tails on the other one. He spends a lot of time on education and Is in his office a lot.

The old me would have taken it personally.

As I was making him a plate so he wouldn’t have to leave a weekly conference call, I found myself kind of fussing over it. And I realized I have been doing that a lot lately.

The old me would have been doing it to win his attention back. I would do very nice things but for the most part I think I wanted to be perceived a certain way so maybe I could win his love.

Tonight I realized that my motivations these days are because he works hard, he is a really good person, and I just want him to have something he really enjoyed for dinner even if he had to have it up at his desk.

No expectations, nothing in it for me. And I realized this is what really loving someone is all about. Giving with a generous heart rather than a needy one brings joy instead of the anxiety I used to feel.

There was so much shallowness and chasing and hustling. This is so much easier, more natural, and good. Wholesomely good. I am so thankful. There were so many days, weeks and months, that things were precarious at best. Not just with each other but within ourselves. To be able to let that struggle go and just love is the greatest peace I can imagine.

I do have regrets that I couldn’t make it this simple so long ago. The time, space and energy wasted is staggering. A much older woman stares back at me in the mirror today, and as I round out the end of my forties I still have hope that my fidties are going to reflect a lot of the wisdom reaped. So I try and not look back so much anymore and instead enjoy these little moments and look forward to what’s to come. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

7 years of hard work - WS and BS - Reconciled

posts: 6712   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2017   ·   location: Arizona
id 8821485
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Salthorse ( new member #84347) posted at 11:14 AM on Thursday, January 18th, 2024

Hi,

First post for me!

I am thankful that I found this site and the generous human beings sharing their pain, wisdom and hopes on here. Perhaps to serve as a purpose to others who would come across this sacred place and the treasure of information, suggested advice and guidance offered by the hurt, the lonely, the betrayed and the recovered. The knowledge shared has contributed to lighting up several paths and journeys for those of us who seek to be more, to understand, to act and to be healed.

I am grateful for my WW and her A that made me revisit me, to heal from my childhood intergenerational trauma and from PTSD gained across a near 30 year military career. The experience has given me the opportunity to look inward and see what I could change to be better for me and then how I could be better for her, us and our journey to creating a new marriage.

I understand many of the phases I am going through because of you sharing, we're now in year 2 of R. Let's see what the future holds.

Regards

Salty

BS(54) WW (49) DD 24 Sep 22R 25 Nov 22M 17Y Reconciliation in progress, 1 tween

posts: 10   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2024   ·   location: UK
id 8821498
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 2:19 AM on Friday, February 2nd, 2024

Welcome to SI Salty. I hope you are finding all the help available here.

Hello fellow SIer’s I had to drag this from page 2. Things have really been crazy in my world. I am thankful that just as things are getting back to normal we have another setback, my W broke her ankle and will be down for 8 weeks. Everything works together for good.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3303   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8823224
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 7:19 PM on Saturday, February 10th, 2024

HAPPY THANKFUL THURSDAY on Saturday grin !!! Bon Dieu...y'all have kept this thread alive...by a thread I see laugh !!

I came on here and was happy to see what everyone in Louisiana has seen since January 6th...or Twelfth Night which is the beginning of Mardi Gras Season...purple, green, and gold smile . Thank You MangledHeart! EVERYTHING is in FULL Mardi Gras mode now...parades going on all over the place in towns all across Louisiana EVERY day until Fat Tuesday...otherwise known as Mardi Gras grin . I am so THANKFUL to live in a place that is so RICH in a culture like what we have smile .

The day after Mardi Gras begins another extension of this culture...Ash Wednesday...the start of Lent. The last few years I have done some things that included NOT doing stuff concerning the A. THIS year though...there is nothing left to accomplish smile . I have successfully OWNED this A for a while now...so now it is time to get back to normal stuff again. NORMAL. What a NICE place to be in smile . One more thing to be THANKFUL for grin .

I have been out for a while...and I have missed being on here...but I haven't missed it either...if that makes sense. I feel like such a hypocrite!!! I just couldn't understand at first why people wouldn't STAY on here to assure the rest of us that life DOES get better after an A. Whether R or D is chosen...surely people could help those of us to navigate these rough waters we were suddenly thrust in???!!! I get it now.

I know...I am a broken record laugh . I now totally understand WHY they don't come back blush . It can be discouraging to be saying how GREAT life IS...when someone else is saying that things can't possibly be that great because you have been manipulated rolleyes . It's just like how many of us couldn't understand the PAIN that betrayal brings until we were betrayed. Well...the JOY that R can bring is just as TRUE when BOTH parties are ALL IN grin !!

So...TODAY...I am THANKFUL for JOY as well grin ! My sister's death cut me deeply...and I will grieve for her the rest of my life crying . As a Christian though...I KNOW she is experiencing a JOY that I can only imagine feeling...and I am so THANKFUL for that smile . My WISH is that all of us here can have a little JOY sprinkled on our day today grin !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6566   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8824182
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 10:26 AM on Thursday, February 22nd, 2024

HAPPY Thankful Thursday grin !!

Being able to to give THANKS is such a GIFT isn't it?! I can remember when I first saw the post that the BW posted on here about how her MC sent homework home for her and her WH to come up with three things that they were thankful for concerning each other for their next counseling session in a week. I was NOT in a mindset to be able to be thankful for anything concerning my H at that point! Apparently she wasn't either...at first laugh !

Some time after that I learned another nice little nugget...how our thoughts dictate our feelings. Combining these two things fit so nicely in helping my healing process smile . When my thoughts turn to gratitude...my feelings turn to PEACE. Peace is truly the ultimate feeling EVER grin !!!

I had to cut my grass yesterday. The grass was actually still dead from the freeze we had a few weeks ago...but that danged clover wasn't!! Those little patches here and there were getting pretty high!! As I was doing it though...I thought about how thankful I was that I was still ABLE to cut the grass...and all those calories I was burning by still using a push mower grin ! I might not like it this weekend when my sinuses start acting up though laugh ! But for TODAY...I am thankful when I look out at my beautifully manicured lawn smile !

I am also thankful that today is what I like to call Friday EVE grin ! We have Spring festivals now and there is a cool one happening this weekend that my H and I are looking forward to going to smile ! YAY for nice weather and warm sunshine!! I LOVE our new life and our Mv2.0 grin !! Another thing that I am so thankful for!!

I am very thankful for new seasons too smile . This is an uncharted territory...AGAIN...with another loss...AGAIN crying . But I KNOW my sister wouldn't want me to wallow in this grief. As a faith filled Christian...she KNEW where she was going...and our siblings and parents were there to meet her in Heaven and enjoy her there until it is my turn. What a GLORIOUS day that will be grin !!! I thank God that He has given us ALL that chance at redemption!!

Until then...I live to face another day here on Earth. I can CHOOSE what I make of it. My THOUGHTS will dictate my FEELINGS. TODAY...I choose to be thankful smile .

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6566   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8825551
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Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 4:43 PM on Thursday, February 22nd, 2024

Being able to to give THANKS is such a GIFT isn't it?!

Yes it is W2BHA!

And as you noted, we couldn’t imagine getting to a place in life where we could be grateful when we first arrived at the forums.

Until then...I live to face another day here on Earth. I can CHOOSE what I make of it. My THOUGHTS will dictate my FEELINGS. TODAY...I choose to be thankful

Ah, the power to choose. That’s a concept that vanished as well on discovery day and I think it was almost three years before I had processed enough and healed enough to be able focus on the gifts of the day and appreciate them.

It sure is a good day when that happens.

Glad to see your updates again W2BHA in the positive mindset thread that you launched.

I’m thankful today for so many things and so many amazing souls who helped me here and the life my wife and I worked so hard to rebuild.

I’m taking the grateful tour on the road, my wife and I are headed out to Florida to catch some rays, some waves and little bit of spring training baseball. Then a family gathering upon our return and back on the road. It could be a while before I get back here to the ol’ Thankful Thursday thread, again, but I know it will be here when needed.

Married 35+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived. M Restored.
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca

posts: 4698   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: Home.
id 8825587
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 9:09 PM on Thursday, February 22nd, 2024

Great to see your awesome contribution on here again Oldwounds grin !!

It could be a while before I get back here to the ol’ Thankful Thursday thread, again, but I know it will be here when needed.

ENJOY y'alls time my friend!! Thank you and the rest of my sweet SI family for being here to keep this thread going for others who needed to read a little positivity on here smile !!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6566   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8825658
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