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New Beginnings :
Celebrate Divorce???

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 Newlifeisgreat (original poster member #71308) posted at 1:13 PM on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2020

It has been two years since my divorce was finalized. I’m not sure if anyone other that ex and maybe kids remembers.

My life is going very well right now, and seeing someone for a relatively short period of time. Have minimal contact with ex as kids are both college age, but living at home. She is still living with her parents and really just beginning to rebuild her professional life. I don’t think she ever has had even a short term relationship with another person since separation. And she has asked/begged repeatedly for another chance whenever she knows that I’m not dating anyone, which is not going to happen.

I was just wondering, does anyone do anything to celebrate/commemorate the anniversary of their divorce being finalized? If so, what?

Thanks, and have a good day.

Betrayed Spouse. She cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being Adultery. Divorced: Sept, 2018. VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets

posts: 694   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2019
id 8590577
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JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 1:36 PM on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2020

I haven't but thats a great idea.

posts: 9505   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8590583
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lieshurt ( Administrator #14003) posted at 1:42 PM on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2020

My divorce was finalized a day after my birthday, so I celebrated both at the same time. My friends and I went out of town and partied all weekend. It was fabulous

No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.

posts: 22643   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2007   ·   location: Houston
id 8590587
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 2:26 PM on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2020

I was just wondering, does anyone do anything to celebrate/commemorate the anniversary of their divorce being finalized? If so, what?

I plan to have one hell of a divorce party whenever my never-ending divorce is final.

My first divorce was uncontested and in a state that had a 60-day waiting period after the paperwork was filed. I asked my lawyer to file on a certain date in December and he did so. Ergo, my official divorce date was February 14, so yeah... I tend to remember and celebrate that day.

Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.

posts: 5419   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8590611
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Alonelyagain ( member #32820) posted at 2:31 PM on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2020

It’s coming up on two years for me, the day after Christmas! It was a long overdue Christmas present for me! Last year, I celebrated by taking my kids away skiing ⛷. I don’t have them that week this year, so I’ll have to make some plans!

posts: 414   ·   registered: Jul. 18th, 2011   ·   location: New Jersey
id 8590614
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twicefooled ( member #42976) posted at 3:02 PM on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2020

I got a tattoo! It's 5 little butterflies on my thigh, to represent the other strong women in my family that had moved on from bad marriages and thrived in life :)

May 29 2021 ***reclaimed myself and decided to delete my story with my ex because I'm now 7 years free from him and mentally healthier than I've been in years.

*********When you know better, you can do better*************

posts: 492   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2014
id 8590632
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J707 ( member #63778) posted at 8:20 PM on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2020

My D was on official on 7-11 (free slurpee day) of last year. Guess who gets a free slurpee Everyone but mine taste just a little bit better. I got a bottle of champagne on the one year anniversary. I toasted with a buddy to my new life, drama and infidelity free. My one time a year I drink champagne and slurpees!

posts: 1113   ·   registered: May. 14th, 2018   ·   location: Ca
id 8590750
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 Newlifeisgreat (original poster member #71308) posted at 1:15 AM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

Today is the actual anniversary of it. I invited 7 friends out to dinner tonight., because 8 is the max you can have in the restaurant. We had a great time laughing over the most foolish things. I was repeatedly asked why I had invited everyone out on such short notice. I just said that we had t gotten together in such a long time. And I picked up the tab despite their objections.

I went home in a fantastic mood. That was mood was quickly destroyed after walking in the door and getting the home messages. Yep, you guessed it. The ex left a message saying

- how I probably don’t realize what today was

- how she has been absolutely miserable for last last 2 1/2 years. (It’s actually 2 years, 5 months since she was served. 2 years, 6 months ago she was still screwing pos)

- now she lost everything of any value in her life and her suicide attempts

- how we were great together and can be again if I just give it a chance.

- that she will do whatever it takes, wait however long until I have gotten everything out of my system (DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!?!? ) so we can get back together!

I was tempted to delete it at multiple points, but it was like driving by an accident.... I had to look. I wanted to see just how much of a train wreck it was going to be!!

Well, I’m now ticked, but have a drink in my hand and decompressing!

Betrayed Spouse. She cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being Adultery. Divorced: Sept, 2018. VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets

posts: 694   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2019
id 8591095
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SallyShrink81 ( member #50219) posted at 3:14 AM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

I don't think I've done anything official on the exact day it was finalized but I also didn't know the exact date because after we went to court the lawyers had to fix some typos in the decree and then it was finalized on June 6, 2016.... the last digit of the day month year was 666 the irony was not lost on me. I think I'm too busy being supermom to do anything but now I want to do something special next year because it'll be 5 years I'm officially divorced. I like the idea of going out and doing something special with loved ones.

FBS now surviving and thriving
2 kiddos born 2011 & 2014
"If a woman steals your husband, she might as well steal your shoes too, because one day she'll be walking in them." #karma

posts: 909   ·   registered: Nov. 4th, 2015   ·   location: Michigan
id 8591124
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Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 7:33 AM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

Indifference is a great place to be. I just don't care about that date. Granted, it's been almost 7 years, but even in the direct aftermath it would come and go without even realizing it. The fact that it is the day after my youngest's birthday also means I have other, more important, things to think about.

Meh, it's just another date on the calendar. My kids don't care either. 🤷‍♀️

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9059   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 8591164
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 1:42 PM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

I went home in a fantastic mood. That was mood was quickly destroyed after walking in the door and getting the home messages. Yep, you guessed it. The ex left a message saying

- how I probably don’t realize what today was

- how she has been absolutely miserable for last last 2 1/2 years. (It’s actually 2 years, 5 months since she was served. 2 years, 6 months ago she was still screwing pos)

- now she lost everything of any value in her life and her suicide attempts

- how we were great together and can be again if I just give it a chance.

- that she will do whatever it takes, wait however long until I have gotten everything out of my system (DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!?!? ) so we can get back together!

That is the stupid shit that just kills me. You only seem to get that sort of nonsense from people who treated you like garbage when you were together, lol. They make it sound like you had the most amazing love story and you broke their heart by walking away and they will now pine for eternity over this terrible loss that you have handed them. Can you IMAGINE cheating on someone and then playing victim like this at them for years after?? Been there on this foolishness. I'm sorry she just had to taint your celebration.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 5083   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8591243
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Thumos ( member #69668) posted at 3:30 PM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

She just confirmed for you why the celebration was in order!

She obviously hasn’t changed a bit. Everything she said was a pity party and all about her. Also her need for validation externally. And finally her entitlement and low morals in saying she’d “let” you play the field (“hey sugar, I didn’t ask for your permission”).

"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."

BH: 50, WW: 49 Wed: Feb.'96 DDAY1: 12.20.16 DDAY2: 12.23.19

posts: 4598   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2019   ·   location: UNITED STATES
id 8591313
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Thumos ( member #69668) posted at 3:30 PM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

They make it sound like you had the most amazing love story and you broke their heart by walking away and they will now pine for eternity over this terrible loss that you have handed them. Can you IMAGINE cheating on someone and then playing victim like this at them for years after??

BINGO!!

I’ve noticed that part of the sickness that *seems* more prevalent among WW’s is this idea of writing the infidelity into the plot as part of the amazing love story and journey you were on. What an adventure it has been!

Yeah, no thanks.

[This message edited by Thumos at 9:32 AM, September 25th (Friday)]

"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."

BH: 50, WW: 49 Wed: Feb.'96 DDAY1: 12.20.16 DDAY2: 12.23.19

posts: 4598   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2019   ·   location: UNITED STATES
id 8591314
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 4:25 PM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

That was pretty prevalent with my XWH too, lol. What a great love story it would be if I could just get over everything he did to wreck the marriage. Crack and prostitutes. Just a little bump in the road, ha ha ha.

[This message edited by DevastatedDee at 10:28 AM, September 25th (Friday)]

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 5083   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8591368
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thebighurt ( member #34722) posted at 2:40 AM on Sunday, September 27th, 2020

Definitely celebrate! my case, xpos walked in one day and told me that he was leaving to live with one of the women he had been sleeping with. Total blindside.

I have a friend whose very public D was on the same timeline and for the same reason. We both thought that it would be very emotional when the time came to sign the D papers, but both of them had pulled so many dirty tricks during the Ds that we were both actually happy to sign to put them behind us.

Mine was official almost the same day as a family occasion we celebrate each year. No one else knows the exact date so I can privately celebrate my occasion while we are together making merry. They haven't seemed to notice I am especially happy!

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

posts: 5033   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2012   ·   location: the Other Side
id 8591802
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ThisIsSoLonely ( Guide #64418) posted at 4:17 PM on Monday, September 28th, 2020

I had a friend a few years ago who had a "divorce party" followed a year later by a "coming out" party (the "coming out" was a bit of a play on words as her daughter is a lesbian and they had a coming out party for her when she finally told them what they had suspected for years). The divorce party I think was more for support and was a low-key meeting at a bar/restaurant with her closer friends. The coming out party was a housewarming party celebrating her new life and her return to the dating world/the world of being single and was a raging day/well into the night party at her house she bought post-divorce, complete with a bartender, food, and music and LOTS of people were there which were not just her closest friends but more like a house party where friends and acquaintances alike were invited. She seemed relieved, still bitter and a bit nervous at the divorce party. At the coming out party she seemed happy and the cloud of divorce was behind her, and aside from the fact it was 1 year post-divorce, her ex husband and the reason behind the new house itself weren't mentioned but in passing.

As you might imagine, the coming out party was a blast. The divorce party was much needed support. Both seemed totally appropriate, and now, in hindsight, seemed like fantastic ideas.

[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 10:21 AM, September 28th (Monday)]

You are the only person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with. Act accordingly.

Constantly editing posts: usually due to sticky keys on my laptop or additional thoughts

posts: 2435   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2018
id 8592120
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Hedwig ( member #74175) posted at 8:12 AM on Saturday, October 3rd, 2020

I love these ideas, will definitely celebrate once my 1 year post-breakup hits.

Dday - 10/2018
Caught them, EMDR helped
Ended the relationship after false R for 1,5 years

posts: 271   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2020
id 8594108
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GraceLove ( member #59212) posted at 7:56 PM on Wednesday, October 7th, 2020

I had not one, but TWO divorce parties! One was an afternoon tea kind of party with friends, and the other was going out to a funky, small, hole-in-the-wall dancing bar with my girlfriends. We danced and had a blast into the wee hours of the night. I remember it still.

I now remember the date of divorce much more, as the date of marriage sluffs off. I like keeping my divorce date in mind (going into year 2 of divorce) because it's such a celebration. Such a successful thing that happened to me. It was and is my freedom day. The day I got my second chance at life. I thank GOd every day for this thing called divorce. I'm so so very thankful that I got out. Am in a new relationship with a man who is trustworthy, hilarious, and deep. Almost 1 year in and we can talk for hours.

posts: 289   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2017
id 8595276
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 Newlifeisgreat (original poster member #71308) posted at 12:17 AM on Tuesday, October 13th, 2020

Love the responses! Glad I started this thread

Betrayed Spouse. She cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being Adultery. Divorced: Sept, 2018. VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets

posts: 694   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2019
id 8596815
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Bleu ( member #14243) posted at 1:43 AM on Tuesday, October 13th, 2020

Yessssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am hoping my celebration will be before the end of the year.

I really cannot wait. It will be low-key due to COVID but it will be!

BS (Me) - 42
WS (It) - 42

Coupled in 1998
DD#1 - 2002
DD#2 - 2003
Married in 2010
DD#3 - 2012
And many more . . .

Divorcing

Two gorgeous, funny and fun little kids

posts: 293   ·   registered: Apr. 13th, 2007
id 8596830
Topic is Sleeping.
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