Married 11 years D-Day in October 2016 2 kids- 10 and 8

Thanks to you guys, I dodged a bullet!

I posted on here a few months ago about not being sure about my current boyfriend. He still talked about his ex alot and he got a dog (I hate dogs). You guys encouraged me to end it and I did.

Thank you! As it turns out, my suspicions about him not being over his ex and him creating drama was true. Yesterday his ex wife's current boyfriend sent me a facebook message. In the message was a video from 2020 where it shows my ex boyfriend walking around her house carrying a knife, taking photos of everything, calling her "sweetie," accusing her of being difficult, etc...

Now, on one hand, I am so confused why my ex boyfriend's ex wife's current boyfriend felt the need to send this to me. Thats just weird and it creates unnecessary drama. I told him I didn't need to see anything else.

On the other hand. This video was taken at least 10 months after he moved out of her house and was already dating me. Why was he calling her sweetie, when we were already dating? Why was he so worried about what she still had in the house, when he had clearly left?

I can definitely see both sides were creating and adding to the drama. Now I am soooo glad to be out of all that mess and drama.

7 comments posted: Tuesday, May 18th, 2021

Boyfriend still talking about ex

I'm starting to get worried about this. I have been dating this man for 15 months now. His divorce took 2 years so it was not finalized until December. I keep on wondering if he is still not over his ex. His divorce was long and costly (about 90K, mine was 5K). But he also talks about his ex ALOT. Like the two of us went out to eat on Friday and he brought up his ex 5X. I told him that it bothered me and he stated that he only talks about her because he is worried about his kids. But I'm not sure if its really that. He talked about how his ex might get engaged, how his ex doesn't like the name of his dog, how his ex allowed their daughter to dye her hair and he is worried about the chemicals that were used. I get being worried about your kids, but some of this seems like a bit of a stretch. He has also formed a friendship with his ex'es boyfriend ex wife. I can see someone wanting some information on the person their kid is with, but I don't understand why you need to get this involved with things.

Is it time I give him up? He is such a great man. He has his PhD. I honestly doubt I'll find someone as good to me. But I just not sure about this.

He also got a dog. I hate dogs. He assumed that he could bring the dog to my house and is surprised that I won't let him (I have a disabled cat). Any thoughts?

10 comments posted: Monday, March 15th, 2021

Not sure if he is "the one"

So, I've had this boyfriend for almost a year now. He really is a great guy. Cooks for me, brings me breakfast in bed whenever I stay over. Our children love each other (we have 5 total). He has his PhD. My dad has had serious health issues and will die soon and my boyfriend has really been there for me.

One big issue I keep on seeing is with his ex. We met online and he told me that he filed for divorce 9 months ago. I usually don't date guys that are not fully divorced but I made an exception for this guy. I figured that his divorce would be final any day. Maybe he didn't need as much time to find himself as I did.

Fast forward, he is still technically married. It has now been almost two years since he filed. He could have been divorced a month ago, but then both parties decided to go to court because they couldn't agree on the custody for fathers day/mothers day. I mean, this guy spent over $1,000 just so a judge would say if fathers day should be a day or a weekend. Then when a judge sided with his ex, he was upset and felt like the judge wouldn't listen to him.

There have been other issues with his ex. He was upset that she took the leaf blower and after being separated for over 18 months he couldn't believe that he couldn't get it back. He is upset that his ex still has all the toys at her house. This guy makes a decent salary, why doesn't he just buy new toys for his house? Like half of his daughter's toys were from me.

So I'm just not sure what is going on. He is learning that I just don't care about his weekly complaints about his ex, but just because he isn't talking about it as much, doesn't mean he is actually over it.

I know how this sounds, but I'm wondering if we might need a break this summer when Covid is about over and I have other things to do.

7 comments posted: Thursday, December 17th, 2020

The closest I will ever have to an apology

So, I was on the phone with my narcissistic ex last week and he said to me "you are just mad about what happened 4 years ago." Now being on this board has taught me that when a narcissist puts you down, its how they feel about themselves. So by my ex saying that I'm just mad about 4 years ago, what he means is that he is mad about 4 years ago. He is learning that he mad a very bad choice.

My reaction was to start laughing at him. Like, I couldn't help myself but laugh. I'm now with a man who treats me well. He has his PhD, was a college professor at an ivy league before being a stay at home dad for a year. I've done so many things that my ex would never allowed me to do (traveled solo, fixed a vintage camper, gone to a crap ton of music festivals, learned how to fire hula hoop, tattoos, piercings). Yes, that situation sucked, but my life is drastically better now! And my ex still regrets his actions.

Like I said, this is the closest my ex will ever be to actually apologizing for what he did. Yet he doesn't even realize what he actually said to me! Life is so much more better now that I know how to interpret his words!

5 comments posted: Thursday, August 20th, 2020