To all the new members here, I'm sorry you find yourself in this club. Its certainly a unique niche, within the infidelity club. My exWW (divorced now for over 4 yrs) was caught by me, and soon after, she made plans to move out leaving our children with me, but retaining 50/50 custody. She knew then, and still does, that what she did was so very ugly and shameful, and she couldn't at all reconcile it at the time. She was scared shitless of what I was going to do, to both her and the OP b/c I was not going to sit tight. I went to their work and filed a report.
Now that I'm 5 yrs plus out from Dday, and remarried, I want to let you all know that it gets easier and better. I too, had hope early on that she would wake up and come crawling back, that she would realize the follies of her ways, and the big mistake she was making discarding our marriage, kids and everything. We had a very good marriage, and from all accounts internal and external that was my reality. IF she was unhappy, she never fucken bothered to tell me. Now when I look back, just like everyone else said, she made up most of that bullshit to serve her narrative so she wouldn't look so bad. My biggest regret, was not divorcing her sooner, and wasting the additional 3-4 months sitting in hoping after Dday. I wish I had it in my to divorce her on day 1 and not look back, and that's what I want to share with you new members. Stop wasting your time, hoping they will some how realize they screwed up. The fact IS, they royally FUCKED UP. NO amount of your wishing, and waiting will change that.
I too realize that my pompous ex was wavering if she should stay or leave, choosing between me and her AP, and hoping it was me back then was a weak move. I should have sent her on her way, and helped her pack. You see, her AP is a serial cheater, and on top of that, his OBS told me that he has had inappropriate relations with many other women, including underage girls at his school. My ex did not win any prize, and she has to live with that now. She may never admit it to me, but I'd bet a fortune that she's not as happy as she envisioned.
I, on the other hand remarried a wonderful gal. She is in a different league then my ex. She's hotter, younger, has a better family, and a much better person. She is great with my kids, and my kids love her. That can not be said about my exes AP, who has moved in with her along with his brood. My life and relationships have improved like someone else said. I've learned a ton about myself, gotten stronger and am now happier than when I was with my ex. And if you read above, I had a pretty damn good marriage by my accounts.
Don't waste more of your days wishing your ex can return. Go NC, it will save you from heartache and pain. Don't go surfing their social media pages, that will just make you miserable. Work on yourself. Move yourself ahead and don't look back. Make improvements to yourself, b/c only you can. And when you get back on your feet, and feel fabulous, that might be when the ex wants to come back, and its too late. Or they may never want to come back, but that's okay too, b/c you would have moved on. YOu're a better version of yourself, and YOU are all that matters.
DailyGratitude- I hope you can change your way of thinking, and are able to shift your paradigm. Who fucken cares who your WH loves going forward. Love yourself enough to let that MFer go. You deserve so much more.