IDK ... I notice women. I see something really attractive in somewhere between 1/4 and 1/2 of the women who come into my field of vision. It was after our wedding that I really started to notice them. My W didn't even start to worry until she hit her mid-50s.
Then she accepted my truth - that younger women had advantages in looks, but she had many more advantages in the length of our M and in the character that showed in her face. (That meant she started worrying for real after d-day - but now I don't notice so much, since almost everyone looks like a kid to me. )
If I checked out both women and men, I think she'd be at peace - the fact is, I'm faithful, even though there are so many attractive people around (and even though I tend to notice the women, not the men.)
So I don't understand why the possibility that your H is bi-sexual is so uncomfortable to you - there's so much opportunity to be unfaithful even for straight people! I'm not arguing - I just don't understand. You're under no obligation to help me with this, BTW.
Wouldn't you rather be with a faithful bi than an unfaithful straight? I sure would.
Having said that, the way you report your H's talk about cheating with men makes me wonder if he 'protests too much.' Just wondering - you know him better than I do.
Also, even if you come to accept bisexuality as I do, being betrayed is horrendous. Is it possible that you focus on the sexuality issue as a way of insulating yourself from the pain of being betrayed? (Again, that's just a question, not even a suggestion.)
There IS a history of straight men having sex with men under at least 3 conditions I can think of. First, British (and perhaps North American) boarding schools were scenes of sexual exploitation of younger and/or weaker students by older and/or stronger ones. Second, navies saw enough sex between sailors - young men with raging hormones far from shore for long periods - to make the penalties very severe. Third, prisons.
Depending on the messages your H sent to himself, it's possible he's straight, even though he chose to cheat with men.
Finally, I believe good science is telling us that sexuality is a spectrum from straight to gay through bisexuality, and pan-sexuality and low sex drive fit in there somehow.
Given our fear of homosexuality, it's reasonable to think men who have slight bi tendencies might choose to make themselves totally straight - I consider myself totally straight, but if Paul Newman came on to me, what would I have done?
(PN doesn't turn me on, but I wish I looked like him - I think that may say something about my sexuality.... )
Anyway, keep posting, HITR. You raise questions that are meaningful to many people, not just to yourself.
[This message edited by sisoon at 1:39 PM, February 1st (Wednesday)]