AB5151 (original poster new member #45885) posted at 11:26 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2024
I am a BS from years ago in a working healed marriage. We worked very very hard to save our marriage. I have a friend who I have confided this information in and they are supportive of me as a person and in my healed marriage. They also have a current struggling marriage that has a past filled with good times, tough times, family hardship along with kids and everything else that a family comes along with.
They confided in me that they are currently having an affair and want to leave their marriage. They know I am a friend of the marriage and will encourage counseling which I am doing along with listening— but I am also kind of unsure where to turn. I am supportive of them and want them to be happy but I also feel that this new relationship is lustful and just an easy way to turn away from a marriage that is currently hard and stressful. They feel this is the connection they’ve been waiting for but also know it is wrong.
I am not against divorce in any way shape or form and I am not against healing a broken marriage either. I want my friend to find happiness wherever it may be and feel love as they deserve. With as much counseling as I’ve been through I wish I had the right answers or words to help guide them …
What I want to know … What do you wish a friend had told you before your spouse found out about your affair ? As a BS I have said to pause their other relationship and work on your marriage … but there is a huge part of me that wants to tell them to never tell their spouse bc I know how much it will ruin them. I also know from counseling that isn’t the right answer. Seeking advice from healing WS/BS
[This message edited by AB5151 at 11:42 PM, Thursday, October 17th]
ME: 30 WS:31 DDay 12/6/14
Sky Above me. Earth Below me. Fire Within me.
SI Staff ( Moderator #10) posted at 1:11 AM on Friday, October 18th, 2024
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:25 AM on Friday, October 18th, 2024
If you're covering up her A, then I would say that you are no longer a friend of the M. My advice? Tell her she needs to tell OBS by a certain time or that you will. And follow up. Your friend has already done the ruining, and OBS needs to know so he can make an informed decision with how he wants to live.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
heartbrokeninaz ( member #40779) posted at 3:40 AM on Friday, October 18th, 2024
Put yourself in your old shoes. How would you feel if a friend knew and didn't say anything? I personally could not do that if I were a friend of both or even one. While you want her to be happy, she needs to do what is right. If she can't, then you can no longer be her friend.
BW 51(me)WH 51DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with whorenado DDay 2 05/09/14 texts to another woman (not returned)Dday 3 06 15/18 texting to meetup with a mutual friend not reciprocated. I live a real life fairy tale.
This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 4:02 AM on Friday, October 18th, 2024
I'd give them two days to come clean then tell their BS.
Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.
WontBeFooledAgai ( member #72671) posted at 4:13 AM on Friday, October 18th, 2024
I agree w ThisIsFine ^^. Your only option is to give your friend say 48--72 hours to tell BS or you will have to do it for them.
Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 5:00 AM on Friday, October 18th, 2024
You are watching someone get scammed, they are being robbed. My advice is they need to confess or else you are going to tell the BS.
Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years
