HopeToHealSoon (original poster new member #84876) posted at 4:56 PM on Monday, September 16th, 2024
Hi All,
Well, our mediation date is September 24th. I am still in the depths of pain here and wondering when this will subside. Will the actual agreeing on divorce help? The finality of it leaves me with a huge weight on my chest. I never wanted this for me or for the kids, but feel I had to file because my STBExH never did anything to reconcile, and instead strung me along with fake reconciliation. I am now second-guessing myself. Did the 180 backfire?! Should I have tried harder? I feel I did everything I could be he did nothing. It's just so hard to accept the fact that he likely checked out long ago while I was still so invested in the marriage. I guess I'm just needing some encouragement as I lead up to mediation. That I'm doing the right thing. That this was irreconcilable.
It's a funny thing that I think I'm on the upward trajectory, and then I'm leveled again with sadness and anger and second thoughts. I know in my heart of hearts, I couldn't go back to someone who treated me and his family with so little regard, but it still hurts like hell. I hope this gets better after the divorce is final.
BW, 49 (kids 10, 13, 14) D-Day: April 10, 2024Separated: April 12, 2024Divorce Filed: July 11, 2024 (after STBXH couldn't do NC and continued to lie about A)
"I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become." — Carl Jung
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 11:16 AM on Friday, September 20th, 2024
I think you should not have guilt over D the STBXH as you stated, you did everything you could.
You will be sad for awhile but it won’t be permanent.
You did your best. That’s all you can do.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:33 PM on Friday, September 20th, 2024
You are doing the right thing. For R to work, you both have to be in it 100% because it is hard work and you can't R by yourself. You're showing your children that it is safe and smart to establish boundaries in relationships.
The emotional rollercoaster is real, and it will pick you up for a ride at any time. It's ok to grieve for your M and the future you thought you had. It does take time and healing, but it does get better.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
