sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 10:57 PM on Sunday, January 14th, 2018
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
minusone ( member #50175) posted at 2:28 AM on Thursday, February 8th, 2018
"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 12:18 AM on Saturday, February 10th, 2018
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 3:03 PM on Wednesday, February 21st, 2018
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 6:48 PM on Saturday, March 3rd, 2018
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
sassylee ( member #45766) posted at 6:39 PM on Monday, March 12th, 2018
My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor
squid ( member #57624) posted at 8:38 PM on Thursday, March 15th, 2018
BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18
This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.
minusone ( member #50175) posted at 2:13 AM on Tuesday, April 24th, 2018
"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 6:31 PM on Sunday, May 13th, 2018
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Tesoro321 ( member #63500) posted at 5:00 PM on Monday, May 14th, 2018
This is so helpful. Thank you for posting! (& bumping)
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 7:44 PM on Saturday, May 26th, 2018
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
heartbroken_kk ( member #22722) posted at 6:58 PM on Friday, June 15th, 2018
FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 11:42 PM on Thursday, June 28th, 2018
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 7:42 PM on Wednesday, July 4th, 2018
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 5:38 PM on Saturday, July 14th, 2018
fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!
You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 6:51 PM on Tuesday, July 24th, 2018
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 7:15 PM on Monday, August 6th, 2018
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:03 PM on Thursday, August 23rd, 2018
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
Aoife620 ( member #63480) posted at 3:54 PM on Friday, August 24th, 2018
I have a question about this...
After doing a lot more reading here, it seems remorse is not a usual immediate occurrence after DDay.
After reading the four pillars here in comparison to rug-sweeping I was afraid that my WH is more inbetween the two or even more leaning towards rug-sweeping.
I had him just read those 4 things last night and before I could even ask him, he said, "I'm more like the rug-sweeping"
So...I'm concerned. But then I think, he's aware of it at least. And again, we're only a few months out. Years of pent up angry feelings he is now finally trying to work through and I'm also working through my anger for the A.
So, should there be concern in this situation? I recently read here where it was 8-9 months out before the WS really became remorseful. So, it seems real remorse comes later rather than earlier? Just would like some opinions.
And thanks for posting this again or bumping it! It's very informative and helpful.
Me: BS
Him: WS
Separated
Headed towards D
Many D-Days....
Married 10 years on DDay#1.
sassylee ( member #45766) posted at 5:04 PM on Friday, August 24th, 2018
Aowife- excellent questions. My concern is that this thread is no longer used much for discussion - it is bumped for the clarity of the initial post. I don’t know how much traffic your questions will get here on the last page of this bullseyed thread.
I suggest you ask this in general or JFO or even reconciliation (your choice) and mention you’ve read this thread and ask your questions again. 
My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor
