SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So…. the OP wasn’t asking for enough help so you locked his thread? It’s your board to do as you see fit obviously but, not that it matters to anyone, but I find that decision puzzling.

Think of this from the POV of a new BS who usually can't think critically about their thoughts, feelings, next steps, etc. If the mods think a story fails the sniff test too many times, we have to act one way or another. We deemed the thread to be too likely to do harm (even though it might do some good).

*****

I don't know about 'belong', but as a source of help, SI requires members, staff, and guidelines to work together.

*****

Writing only for myself: with infidelity, one can seem to make a decision ('fire') - to D or to R - and then pull back for the 'ready' and 'aim' stages. I, for one, am going to be skeptical of anyone who fires before they get ready and aim - unless they pull back at least a bit.

I'm the guy who looks at the life expectancy tables for posters and counsel that D/R will impact decades of their lives, so it's worth taking some time before pulling any trigger.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:00 PM, Saturday, April 6th]

We have out tools and methods but I wont share them.

"If I told you, I would have to keel you..."

"If I told you, I would have to keel you..."

No. But we would electrecute you through your keyboard...

No. But we would electrocute you through your keyboard...

Fixed your spelling

So... I had asked about when and why the Woman's Day post was shut down and about how the Mods make those decisions on posts. Bigger said that I should read the guidelines and not question the choices publicly, etc. Then there was a response by sisoon that this "Ask the Mods..." thread was open.

I stepped back to gather my self and my thoughts. I appreciate this site immensely and believe many others find it as helpful. I do understand that I'm not entitled to any explanation of rules or moderation or any thing else in this web forum. Mods can kick me off at any time. I get it. I understand moderated forums.

This is a personal problem for me. It's partly related to infidelity and follow-on issues. I'm not particularly great with words or feelings, so I hope you can follow my thoughts. I feel abnormally hurt by unfairness, lack of transparency, and anything that I think hurts or unfairly takes advantage of others who are raw from the emotions of infidelity, like trolls or fakes. Ugh, weren't so many of us BS hurt by liars and fakes. Why can't everyone be everyone be more direct and transparent?

It did bother to read the Woman's Day post from the start. The OP seemed to unfairly generalize and be rude to others. No mods said anything there except, "You have a PM". That bothered me. The OP also seemed to double down. Why not confront that?

Coming back and reading about the incident with the posting in JFO that the Guides/Mods obviously believed was fake, without calling the person out directly, but still obvious, again bothered me. Honesty and transparency. These are issues in affairs. Again, I'm saying this is my own issue. This triggers me. I understand how hard it must be to moderate a website. There was a discussion months ago with guides/mods about feeling that there were others on SI who were fakes. Some were saying they believed those were the among the most popular posts here. That's harsh. Dead internet theory. Yes, I'm aware. And yet I still believe there are real genuine people here with the same heartbreak and concern I have here. Optimist shouting in the void maybe.

I'm trying to work through my issues. Thank you Mods/Guides/others for listening.

As far as recovering any archived posts, I’m afraid what you see is what you get. I recall MH’s warning about that as well.

2004 was a long time ago!  I know a lot has changed and I don’t have understanding of that level of the interwebs, lol.

This is unfortunate from my perspective. My WW originally came here around 2004. She was a very typical blame-shifting WS at the time. I decided to avoid the place. My reasoning at the time was that it seemed like it might be helpful to her because I was hearing her start to accept some of some things that she had fought against previously. Little things like NC.

I realize now that it was also part of my rug-sweeping. I didn't want to think about these things any more deeply than necessary. I was trying to follow our therapist's advice and "move on." #@!%#@!

All these years later when I realized that I had rug swept so much and never got the full story, I set out to read all her posts here to compare them to the information that I had gotten at the time and the details that I was finally getting. Unfortunately almost everything prior to '08 is missing. It was in those years fresh out of the A that she spoke the most about her experience. By '08 she was mostly preaching the gospel of SI even if she hadn't followed some of it herself.

I know that her earlier posts were more revealing because I was able to find some of them from '04 in the Internet Archive. Unfortunately, '05-'08 are also missing from the Internet Archive.

I just want to apologize to the staff. For a short time after my daughter passed I'm pretty sure I was not too nice in some of my replies to people.

I know you guys gave me some leeway there.

Thank you.

SeekingtoForgive, do you remember her username, and are you willing to share it? I’m wondering if I’ll remember her.

Also, what do you mean by "internet archive"? Is that something separate from SI’s archive?

KitchenDepth5551 you have a PM

SeekingtoForgive, do you remember her username, and are you willing to share it? I’m wondering if I’ll remember her.

Also, what do you mean by "internet archive"? Is that something separate from SI’s archive?

SacredSoul33, I'm keeping her username confidential at least until I've had a chance to discuss all of it with her. I'll decide at that point whether to share that. I'm not looking to publicly shame her.

I don't want to break any linking rules but the Internet Archive is also known as "The Wayback Machine." You can search for those. The Wayback Machine has archived copies of old versions of many web sites including SI. Not all websites work properly in that format so coverage is sometimes spotty. Enter a web site and you can see the date of every copy they have for it.

Is there a way to tell if a user has been banned when viewing their account?

The Wayback Machine has archived copies of old versions of many web sites including SI.

Thank you!

Is there a way to tell if a user has been banned when viewing their account?

Not really, no. You won't be able to send them a PM, but sometimes users turn off that function. If you have any questions, you can reach out to a staff member who can tell you for sure.

Oh, one more question in regard to going back through old posts. Going through my FWW's old posts has been a pain mainly because you have to view archived posts and then page down through the threads starting from the beginning. The problem has been that usually after I get a few years in, I have to restart my browser for one reason or another. Then I have to start at the beginning and page through many pages to get back where I was. Is there any secret to jumping ahead in the list? It would be nice if it were paged with the ability to jump to a specific page.

I appreciate the functionality regardless. Thank you.

I will send this question up the ladder.

Can someone explain/comment or ???

I have "lost" some PMs as when "post message" bar cliked on - screen goes to an "upload" (what I call it) display - all text in PM gone.

Then is just "hands"

Had happen a bit ago - tried different browser - no work
Tried 3rd browser - no work
reboot pc - no work

START A NEW PM (as in a different thread) and it "took" - as in successfully posted.

So I surmise SI servers/software having burp/issue with size or busy and/or ??

Is there an explanation and a "how-to" or a "how to NOT" procedure?

Happy Monday!!

Hi. I made two posts in General last night. One was marked as a duplicate and I don't know why. The two posts are similar in some ways but in no way duplicates. Can you fix this? If this is not the right way to contact the moderators please let me know if a better way. Thanks!

The two threads are similar enough to be considered duplicate. I.e. you are requesting the same interaction in both.

I suggest you freshen up on the Guidelines.
Especially 10:
STAFF ACTIONS: If you have a question regarding a staff action bring it to our attention by using the Private Message feature. Do not question staff actions on the public forums.

And the last sentence in 5:
PRIVATE MESSAGE FEATURE: Please do not publicly post Private Messages that you've received. Also, do not share your Private Messages with other members unless you've received permission from the original sender. Public PM requests/announcements are not permitted on the forums.

You didn't read them if you think they're a duplicate. One is asking about support groups (e.g. analog of a 12 step group, not online forums). The other is asking about the analog of 1:1 sponsorship (similar to AA sponsorship). Somehow I knew someone would jump down my throat as I'm new. Thanks for the warm welcome. I won't ask for help again.

I very much appreciated your first post, razorfish. I thought I wrote that after I read it, but apparently I didn't.

You are very welcome here. If that hasn't been communicated effectively, I'm sorry.

If a staff member notes a guideline violation, it will be confronted one way or another. That's normal in moderated groups.

SI depends on members, guidelines, and staff, IMO. I've been on unmoderated newsgroups and forums, and they've always broken down because people post things that someone viewed as incendiary. Others respond with their own verbal napalm. The group dies of self-inflicted wounds. I don't know anyone who wants that to happen to SI.