SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

No, I would pass. Why lie about something you don't have to and especially can't hide in person.

Side not, I actually AM 5'10" and I'll display it as such

I think there are a couple things here. Blatant stupid lies — I’m 40 and 6’ tall when you are 55 and 5’7 “ are silly. But a little filter, saying your 20 lbs different... that’s someone trying to put their best foot forward. Maybe their weight fluctuates (raises hand!), maybe they truly photograph like a troll (raises hand). I’m not unattractive in person— I know this. But seriously folks I use light filters cuz I really do look like a troll in 99% of photos of me— not my opinion, but even my closest friends agree. NO ONE would bother to get to know me by those photos because it’s about your looks (and c’mon- you read the profile but it’s the looks that grab your attention). I put on weight -I’m working on getting it off. So is my weight for the 5 years prior really me or my weight now?

So if it’s minor, I’d say judge by their reaction to calling them out. Do they open up about the insecurities? Or do they double down on the lies? They are trying to put their best foot forward.. have a little sympathy. If they lie more- then you know. But not all of us are beautiful or fit or thin or young or tall. And many of us have insecurities. Don’t judge solely on that. Judge on their actions.

Brb.. changing my user name to BearlySwipeable....

BearlyBreathing, ahhhh!!! As if I couldn't love you more. I photograph like a troll too. And whereas I don't use filters, (by the way, light filters don't count. I'm talking about the ones that remove every single wrinkle from your face) I have very few photos of myself. And the couple that I do have on my profile, were the only ones out of about 75 attempts where I did not look like a troll.

In fact I just got home from a first date. (We will see each other again 😁. He was very blunt and said my profile does not represent me at all. That I was quite beautiful in person. So I'm guessing he thought I was somewhat attractive, but liked in person better. I'm totally with you there. In fact, I had skipped his photo initially because his profile picture was not "my type.". Turns out, now having met him, it was just an unflattering photo.

This is why I hate online dating. You're picking someone based on photos. I think I am attractive in person, but I am the farthest thing from a model in photos.

I'd give a liar a pass, too. BTDT.

By the way, I meet the statistical average in just about every measure. But no longer in height,

At 18 I was five feet ten and one-half inches tall. One year and one motorcycle wreck later I was down to five nine and one-half. Forty years later I'm a little shorter and a little heavier. I honestly do not care about my height as long as I'm tall enough that my feet touch the ground.

And I haven't mentioned the maiming that left me with an eye patch.

But my GF, who I met in Real Life, doesn't care and neither do I. v)

When I was OLD, if someone lied about something, no matter how small it was, I did not see them again. Dating is a trial period, lying is a character issue, and not something I want in my life.

As an aside, what are the height-liars thinking? I don't care about a man's height. I'm only 5'6" and when I was OLD, a guy told me he was 6'. I wore some very short heels on our date, and I towered over him. WTF?

Quick plug for the book "The Science of Happily Ever After" for anyone who is actively dating or looking for a partner, which summarizes various studies that have been done on dating and partnering up. I got it out of the library back in 2015, and it was immensely helpful.

That book helped me figure out what was important in a partner, and I credit it at least partly for having me stay with my SO in what is the best relationship of my life, despite some initial things I found irritating about him.

Best of luck to everyone as they are searching!

I have had a few of those weird "why lie???" moments when I was dating--like I wasn't going to know that you're in fact 5'6" when you said you were 5'11"??

As an aside, I've always thought I was 5'5". Dead average height. But my middle daughter is slightly taller than me and my youngest a good two inches taller and one measures 5'5" and the other 5'6.5" so... it turns out... I'm 5'4"!!

I had to text my boyfriend the last time I was in the pediatrician's office to say that I had to come clean about the truth about my height...

Sometimes a person has a distorted view of themselves. Maybe they are putting up the best possible version. Then there is just a straight up lie. You know how old you are and how tall you are.

So he lies to get more dates and then the date doesn't like him since he lied. Someone else who lies probably would not care but an honest person does. He needs to date another liar. You know, the one that says they are 125 pounds and shows up 200 and 6 years older. They would be a good match.

The second red flag I see is the fact that he is not comfortable with himself. I have been scarred by my H's midlife crisis times and how he was looking for outside validation to feel better about himself all the time. He loved to put up a false front, He isn't owning who he really is and I see that as a red flag myself.

He needs to date another liar. You know, the one that says they are 125 pounds and shows up 200 and 6 years older. They would be a good match.

Exactly, Jesus. Your entire post is spot-on.

I had my meet yesterday with the man who claimed to be 5'9". As I predicted, he is 5'7". I am exactly 5'7" and was looking directly across at his eyes as we walked. Mehhh...it wasn't a match anyway, so moving on.

Interestingly, I have a second date, tomorrow, with a man who was honest about his age, height...and the fact that he's been sober/in recovery for nearly 30 years. He made very poor decisions as a teen and young adult. (I noted how he owned everything, and blamed no one but himself). He was very candid. On paper alone, a woman might run, but his honesty was refreshing and appealing. And his accomplishments since then (verified via Google), assure me he has gotten his act together. Honesty is huge. It really is.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 6:25 AM, May 4th (Monday)]

What else does it not bother him to lie about?!

Honesty is down right sexy. He can be a decent looking guy but if he is honest and faithful now now he is a hot guy. Way hotter than that 'hot' looking guy that lies. Now not even a consideration. Gross. He is not not hot at all.

I did date a guy who lied about his height on his profile.

He said he was 5'5. He show up in cowboy boots with a really high heel and was still shorter than me (I am 5'2). So I am guessing he was really 5 foot even'ish.

I never said a word because I assumed he was sensitive about his height. Height was not a big deal to me so I left it slide.

We dated for a few months. I really liked him - funny, smart, hardworking, very involved with his daughter, etc.

Then {poof}….he ghosted.

I did not hear from him for MONTHS after constant daily texting and dates. His text said "I know you probably think I am an asshole....blah, blah, blah".

The dude was blocked so quick!!!!

I should have paid closer attention to that little lie on his profile. It showed a glimpse of his character in his case.

EvenKeel, yes there are some crazy/rude people. I think a lot of times people ghost bc they’re seeing someone else. Then that falls apart and they circle back “hey how have you been?” As if they can just pick up sheer they left.

Quick follow up about the guy I met who lied about age n height. He asked me out again and I said no thank you, I’m just not comfortable that you misrepresented yourself already. He said people think height is important but once they meet the person they can find out it doesn’t matter. I said I don’t agree. People should be honest. ( I didn’t bring this up but his pics are also old, when he was fit. Now he has kind of a big belly. I take good care of myself and this is not attractive to me. But I didn’t want to be unkind so I didn’t mention).

He got mad and said well his eyesight isn’t perfect and he didn’t put that on his profile, so that must be a “huge obstacle” for me. Also he’s a veteran and didn’t mention that, and maybe I have something against veterans. What the hell? See how he tried to deflect and make it somehow my issue that he lied? I just said I wish him the best, and blocked him.

T/J to say this...

changing my user name to BearlySwipeable

is NOT accurate. You are freaking adorable.

/T/J

[This message edited by wildbananas at 2:41 PM, May 5th (Tuesday)]

Staystrong101, yikes, his response to your polite decline says enough. Good for you for handling it the way you did.

I totally agree, I would not date someone who lies on their dating profile. I have some other red flags listed, too, things I missed in my relationship and will definitely be on the look-out for in any new beginnings.

See how he tried to deflect and make it somehow my issue that he lied?

You dodged a big bullet here!!!! Just his reaction to you speaks volumes!

Then that falls apart and they circle back “hey how have you been?” As if they can just pick up sheer they left.

I agree, I think that is exactly what happened as well.

I'm not going to respond to if you should or shouldn't but I've got to say that this is kinda hilarious, and only in the world of OLD.

As a guy, if I see a women with only pictures of herself from an above angle, meaning she is holding the phone higher up, and shooting down on her face so that you only see a very little portion of her body that tells me she's over weight. Nothing against overweight people, but its a dead give away when you only see photos like that.

Also, if the gal only has pictures of her face, which could be cute, but never her body, also, another give away of weight issues.

Another dead give away is if you only use filters. Ladies, please stop with the filters. No one expects you to be perfect, but damn, if you don't represent yourself truthfully on your profile, and you show up and you're not recognizable, it aint gonna work. We've been fantasizing about A, and you show up as C, and that just killed it. Filters should be illegal on OLD. Its like a bait and switch and aint no one got time for that.

I know this all sounds so shallow, but there has to be some sort of attraction. Its human nature. As a BS, I'm def looking for sincerity, honesty and other attributes that are just as important, if not more so than looks, but to think that looks are not a factor is just not being honest. IF that were the case, all the Sephoras and cosmetics stores would be out of business, and people wouldn't be chomping at the bits just to get back to their stylist and or salon during this pandemic.

As an aside, what are the height-liars thinking? I don't care about a man's height.

Probably because he has been rejected by many women over the years because he was a few inches too short. Many women care. Some even shame men for something they cannot change.

OP, I don't like people lying because if you end up with them it's not going to be a secret anyways. I'd probably be a bit wary to be honest. It depends on how they react and their reasoning though. Probably because of vanity or fear of getting older. I'd be more worried if it's the former.

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 5:27 PM, May 11th (Monday)]

He said everyone lies a little on their profile and it's not a big deal.

There it is. He thinks lying is not a big deal. How does he know that "everyone lies"? Did you lie? I can understand something like he started his profile a few years ago and didn't update it, but his explanations are evasive. The red flags are billowing in the wind. Heed them.

OMG. This is a huge thing for me. I am shocked how many of my friends who suggested I LIE about my age and said that everyone does it.

The first guy I dated did that, I rug swept it but it bothered me the entire time we dated. I decided after that to actually put that in my dating profile that I am not comfortable lying about age in a profile and would not date someone who does.

As far as height, I expect men to add an inch unless they are tall. It's just a thing with society in general so I don't have a problem with it.

Lying is the new black.