DDay 2/12/2024
B - female 55 years old
W - male 62 years old
Together since 9/2010
Living together since 8/2013
Engaged 12/2016
Found a private email address used for sites such as Seeking Arrangement and Sugar Daddy Meet.
Has been conversing and meeting with women (mid 20’s) since approx early 2016 possibly 2015. Drinks, dinner, conversation. No gifts, no long term relationships or arrangements that he has admitted to or that my digging has dug up. He is not overly sexual and has said everything was non sexual and I do believe that to be the case. I do suspect he might have had someone join him on a business trip or 2 (back in 2018) as a companion.
There has been ZERO behavior since DDay. He does show remorse and takes accountability but is extremely reluctant and refuses to have more transparency and disclosure regarding the frequency, money spent, and any other details to provide reassurance.
He is a TRUE dismissive avoidant. - seeks validation, avoids intimate conversations, can be transactional with people. He has a tendency to throw money at problems and does have the money to do that.
I lean more anxious.
He wants to work towards reconciliation but is still holding on to secrets. I would like to also stay together but feel as if more disclosure is needed.
He believes exposure will lead to more questions from me and that I will always believe the worst even if that isn’t the case.
I believe the secrets will allow me to free myself and move forward. I also believe I will know when he is not lying anymore. We are at an impasse in our personal beliefs.
I’m looking for insight into this specific type of activity and insight as to how to move towards full disclosure.
Please no negative comments as I do still love him and think he is a good person who did a lot of bad things.
