SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello everyone,

My first time posting here so bear with me! With my partner 4 years, no affair has taken place and I’m dealing with one isolated incident which happened 5 weeks ago, I went to the bar to pick him up and he was highly intoxicated standing at the bar, few people either side of him, as I walked towards him to me it looked like he was about to kiss this woman that was sitting there, I obviously continued to walk towards him and you can imagine I had a few things to say! I could tell he was out of it drunk, didn’t even know what planet he was on, obviously many arguments and discussions have been had since then, he said there’s no way he was going to kiss her as he has never has and would never do anything like that to me, for info I trusted him 100%, he has never ever gave me any reason to doubt him, I’ve never questioned anything, very open with our phones, we work together, know each others family and friends very well, I was friends with him for 5 years prior to being with him and even then he wasn’t that sorta guy! I think he’s genuinely as confused as I am as to what the hell he was thinking to even put himself in that position in the first place. He feels confused and ashamed and has even spoke to his father about it. I also explained the incident to my mother, she said I can’t live on the "what if I walked in 10 seconds later" for the rest of my life, because nobody will ever know what would or wouldn’t have happened, she said to just make sure he knows what way this looks and to never put us in this position again.

He has apologised profusely for compromising my trust in him, but maintains he has never and would never go near any other woman in that way as he only wants me, and to be fair he’s showed me that every day for 4 years so I had no reason to suspect. He’s great to me, we’re best friends and we had ultimate trust and loyalty towards each other.

I’m putting this down to a stupid moment of madness whatever it was that he’s learned a very hard lesson from. He’s swore it won’t happen again, and I believe he really means it.

ANYWAY!! Haha! The reason I am here is to ask about feelings in the aftermath, so I’ve stopped crying daily about what happened, it’s not in my thoughts 24/7 and for some reason I’m asking myself if I love him anymore because I’m no longer crying over this? Can anyone tell me is this Normal? Weird? Or is it a sign I’m beginning to accept and move forward?

Thank you in advance :)

When someone experiences a betrayal, which is what you are feeling, it is normal to cycle through many emotions, sometimes minute to minute. Can you explain further why you believe he was about to kiss another woman? Were they facing each other? Were they leaning into each other? Does he know this woman?

Sorry to clarify above, it was a random female, he was not there with her, he had called into the bar to have one pint, his brother was also supposed to meet him but couldnt make it, But one pint turned into another turned into another, it was a Friday night, there was live music, I have no issue with that but that’s why I went to pick him up because he obviously would be able to drive home.

To also clarify I said to the girl "was he about to kiss you" she said she thinks so, I told her it was partner of 4 years what was he doing, she kept saying to me "he was fine, honestly he’s fine" I took from that she was telling me he wasn’t doing or saying inappropriately. All while he was standing beside me crossed eyed lol!

I’m obviously very annoyed at him, but it’s something that i think in 30 years time I’ll not even remember, hoping so anyway haha!

She was sitting on a bar stool, he was standing at the bar, I had eyes on him for a good 10 seconds while walking towards him, he was swaying all over and I could tell he was very drunk and talking crap, I was actually laughing to myself thinking oh god how am I getting him in the car lol but In those last few steps he began to lean in towards her and what was about to happen we will never know.

Feels like "almost cheating" which is different than actually cheating.

Drinking feels like more of the base issue here than loyalty.

Yes it was more of an almost situation, nothing happened, we don’t know if it ever would have had I not walked in although hes adamant he wouldn’t do that to me. he doesnt use social media at all so I’ve never even had to worry about what he does on his phone, all his apps on his phone are all sports apps or games for his son, I have all his passwords and have always had full acesss to his phone whenever I want (never felt the need to look through it). i believe he has never went behind my back in any way before. And while im not here to blame alcohol I can’t help but also blame alcohol, I feel like he had toooooo much to drink and it affected his judgment terribly, he feels this is where he went wrong and feels so bad for putting us both in this position. He has reassured me countless times that this will never happen again, this has petrified him and he’s annoyed that his integrity is being questioned.

Do you think I will be able to get past this "almost" one time situation? See it as his one and only mistake that he learned from and just hope that he never does this again?

Considering everything you wrote, it sounds to me he might have been swaying, on his way to face plant the bar floor.

Face planting the floor would have been a wonderful alternative haha but I just can’t shake the feeling of knowing what my eyes saw, he leaned in towards her the way you do when you’re going to kiss someone. He won’t accept or admit this because his sober mind knows he would never do that and he isn’t out there wanting to or looking to cheat on me in anyway. so it’s a confusing one. So im just trying to figure out where I go from here. I’m sorry it seems trivial compared to what some people are possibly having to deal with but it’s shaken my whole world to think, was he about to cheat?