Stages after betrayal

Hello everyone,

My first time posting here so bear with me! With my partner 4 years, no affair has taken place and I’m dealing with one isolated incident which happened 5 weeks ago, I went to the bar to pick him up and he was highly intoxicated standing at the bar, few people either side of him, as I walked towards him to me it looked like he was about to kiss this woman that was sitting there, I obviously continued to walk towards him and you can imagine I had a few things to say! I could tell he was out of it drunk, didn’t even know what planet he was on, obviously many arguments and discussions have been had since then, he said there’s no way he was going to kiss her as he has never has and would never do anything like that to me, for info I trusted him 100%, he has never ever gave me any reason to doubt him, I’ve never questioned anything, very open with our phones, we work together, know each others family and friends very well, I was friends with him for 5 years prior to being with him and even then he wasn’t that sorta guy! I think he’s genuinely as confused as I am as to what the hell he was thinking to even put himself in that position in the first place. He feels confused and ashamed and has even spoke to his father about it. I also explained the incident to my mother, she said I can’t live on the "what if I walked in 10 seconds later" for the rest of my life, because nobody will ever know what would or wouldn’t have happened, she said to just make sure he knows what way this looks and to never put us in this position again.

He has apologised profusely for compromising my trust in him, but maintains he has never and would never go near any other woman in that way as he only wants me, and to be fair he’s showed me that every day for 4 years so I had no reason to suspect. He’s great to me, we’re best friends and we had ultimate trust and loyalty towards each other.

I’m putting this down to a stupid moment of madness whatever it was that he’s learned a very hard lesson from. He’s swore it won’t happen again, and I believe he really means it.

ANYWAY!! Haha! The reason I am here is to ask about feelings in the aftermath, so I’ve stopped crying daily about what happened, it’s not in my thoughts 24/7 and for some reason I’m asking myself if I love him anymore because I’m no longer crying over this? Can anyone tell me is this Normal? Weird? Or is it a sign I’m beginning to accept and move forward?

Thank you in advance :)

7 comments posted: Wednesday, October 23rd, 2024