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WH and I have been doing well. Still bad days but in the whole doing well. We have been living our new normal with me having fewer and fewer meltdowns etc

Then a couple of days ago I was at a local market just minding my own business waiting for my coffee when AP just walks past with her boyfriend. I have seen pics of her and seen her in her car but I have never seen her in the flesh so to speak.

I’ve often thought I’d seen her but was always mistaken but not this time. It was definitely her. I was close enough to punch her in the face like I’ve always wanted to (😂) but instead I just watched her walk by. I stared at her the whole way.

It hasn’t made me angry like I thought it would but it’s made me so sad. I’ve asked my husband to not physically touch me and that’s weird for me for this long. I don’t have anger for him but it has bought up al the feelings of WTF again.

Whilst she is just a normal looking person I just can’t believe how ordinary she really is. If there was no emotional attachment what the fuck was there to want to blow us your life.

I’m just flat - feeling nothing but blah right now.

I am sure others will be along to comment soon. I just wanted to say how sorry I am that this happened and you encountered ow.

Sending positive thoughts and ((virtual hugs))

One of the things that I did when I was processing through the emotions was to pretend like I was watching a movie. Imaginary soda, imaginary popcorn, figuratively sat on my couch and pushed play on the imaginary remote. I watched (replayed) their interactions that I knew about.

She fed his ego, and he took the ego kibbles like Scooby eating Scooby Snacks. He thought he would be so smart and never get caught. He didn't think about the M or our relationship. It was all about what he wanted. It didn't hurt that it was also one of his fantasies. He flat out didn't care what effect his actions would have on anybody else but only how he would be gratified.

Doing this helped me to realize that I wasn't even a blip on the radar when it came to his cheating. He didn't care. The A really had nothing to do with me - the family & I were collateral damage. He's a POS who is extremely selfish.

She wasn't anything special. She was willing and broken.

If you had to see her, I'm glad you were able to make it through without going bonkers and doing something to her physically. Mentally, feel free to go all (insert your favorite MMA fighter here) on her behind.

Ugh that sucks. But look how well you handled it! You didn’t punch her! (You should get an award!)

How has your WH responded?

BearlyBreathing….. well he told me he was sorry but in honesty I’m sick of hearing that. So we went all weekend ok, getting on etc but he just kept trying to hold my hand or rub my back, cuddle me and I just kept pushing him away. I had explained to him after I saw her I did not feel like being touched by him at the moment because of it.

Well this morning he tried to touch me again and I just snapped. I told him to stop trying to touch me if he didn’t want to actually talk to me about it. And then we got in a big fight blaming each other for who has the worst communication. He also told me I was just winding myself up.

As I’m a bit of a fire cracker you can imagine how well that went down and now I have bombarded him with angry targeted messages. So I guess to answer your question - not well!!!

You are less than a year out from DDAY, is that correct? Yeah, his AP being in your life wound you up- you didn’t do that. He did that.
It’s important that he understand what a terrible trigger this was. Firecracker or not, he needs to support you. It will get less impactful over time, but first time? It’s a big deal.

It’s actually been just over a year and sometimes I feel like I over react. But this time I thought I did well. I saw her (first time) and it made me feel icky. So I asked him calmly not to touch me physically but other than that we were pleasant and normal.

I was angry inside but I was just trying to sit with those feelings and wait for them to subside as I realised this was just a trigger and I was sure my negative feelings would pass. But he would not just stop trying to touch me in little ways like holding my hand or rubbing my feet. I kept pushing him away and not reciprocating but he just kept trying.

I do not know how many times I have told him to not ignore problems but to talk to me about them. I honestly thought he was improving but this just shows he hasn’t. He only can talk when I instigate it would seem. And I am so sick of that.

No, you're not overreacting. He's not listening to you and what you need. He's not working on becoming a safe partner and that should concern you. It's still about him and him not realizing that you have agency.

Has he read How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair by Linda MacDonald? He needs to treat it like a Bible.