SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I follow an attorney on TikTok called lauren_thelawyer. She's a family law attorney in Dallas. She posted a video yesterday about crazy laws.

One of them is that, per the Federal Wire Tap Act, it's unlawful to intercept any wire, oral, or electronic communication. It's unlawful to disclose the content of those communications, meaning don't take a screenshot and share them with anyone. Even if your spouse gives you the passcode, it's illegal to go beyond what your spouse would reasonably expect you to be doing with their phone.

Snoop with caution.

We always recommend "complete electronic transparency" as a demand for R. There is no expectation of privacy once that is established. If you don't get complete electronic transparency, I don't recommend R.

I have consent to search, and I would think that law would mean doing it to gain something from a bank, business, or individual. Like emptying my own bank account or breaking into my own house isn't a crime.

[This message edited by Tanner at 11:03 PM, Tuesday, October 15th]

Good information to know, but early on -- if someone is trying to figure out whether it is safe, safe to stay or if an A is ongoing, I would say asking for phone access is still important.

A lot of the law focuses on utilizing that information outside of the M, when for post dday, it's more than fair to ask for transparency within the bounds of the relationship.

Most important, reasonable expectations can change, especially with two people agreeing on transparency.

And I agree with This0Is0Fine -- anyone can refuse phone access, but if they do, R is pretty much off the table.

I haven't checked my wife's phone is YEARS now, and doubt I ever will again, but I really appreciated how much she was willing to share early on as a way to try and rebuild trust.

So then how are you as the betrayed supposed yo get info about the affair?

What if the phone is my name but my H uses it? Is it legal to snoop then?

Technically it’s my phone.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 11:31 PM, Tuesday, October 15th]

While I understand the premise of the law, along with the consent to record that varies by state…. But I’m fairly certain that at the time of discovery a lot of us were legally married and that little technicality didn’t stop our WH or WW….

So I certainly did not give one second of thought to looking at his phone or years later using a VAR. They threw the rules of engagement out the window. I just closed the window.

I think it would be fairly difficult to get underpaid and overworked police officers and prosecutors to investigate and bring charges in that situation. 😂😂😂 perhaps if one spouse beat the crap out of another and was pressing charges that could be thrown in as well, but has anyone ever heard of one case where this was prosecuted in the US?😂😂😂 Most states have community property laws anyways. I only look at my half of the phone he uses 😂😂😂😂.

Yeah, I imagine that was a thought exercise. I bet the number of wives convicted of going thought a husband's messages stands at Zero. There are real crimes out there that take up resources.

Ya - ?

Well, speeding on the Blue Ridge Parkway is a "Federal" offense. So?

Ever driven the Parkway - especially around commute time near Roanoke, VA or Asheville, NC?

"Federal" doesn't bother ANY of the lead foot drivers - which constitute 99% of the crowd of yahoos.

So you get a ticket? Well, you will pay a much higher fine in 'Federal' - court. and?

Next day you will drive the same way. UNLESS YOU SEE the blue flashing lights.

Surreptitiously recording your Cheater? WHO CARES other than the cheater? Cops, Gimme a break. In CA they don't arrest or stop shoplifters! Similar in most states. Not enough police/district attorneys to bother with victimless crimes.

Only way to get the attention of a policeman in my neck of the woods is shoot somebody or create a wreck on a road that blocks traffic.

Look up SpyCentre - there is a BOOMING market for "recording" surreptitiously.

Next, go look up public records for court cases. Let us know how many find for for "wiretapping."

Ever read/hear "All's fair in love and war." ???

or "He who has the Gold makes the Rules."

There are (can't type it out) people who would PUT A GIRL IN JAIL for getting pregnant. While the penis perp goes free.

jeesh

[This message edited by Hippo16 at 5:46 AM, Wednesday, October 16th]

I am with This0is0Fine.

100% transparency on phones, emails, FB, etc.

My passcode is known to my wife, and mine to hers. I can access her emails at any time. She can access mine as well.

If you are innocent, sharing your electronic life is no big deal (with your spouse). I know the argument about "privacy", but think how stupid that sounds. You share bodily fluids with your spouse, but won’t share your phone?

Really?

Don't shoot the messenger!

Lauren cited a case where the plaintiff shared screenshots of her H's phone to prove that he was having an A, and the cheater's attorney got all snarky and said, "Perhaps the plaintiff would like to remove those from evidence before they're charged with a crime." (Or something like that.)

If your state allows suing for divorce on the grounds of infidelity, just know that you can't use anything you find in email, text, or PM as proof. And if you have a particularly nasty WS, they could come after you for going through their private communications.

However, there are legal ways to receive the information that will be held up in court.

I live in a state that allows one to sue for alienation of affection, and I work in IT.

We have been subpoenaed to provide work emails and DMs between two of our employees to prove they were having an affair. I am happy to say the wife successfully sued and won her alienation of affection suit, and the evidence we provided on our employee helped her.

Excellent. I'm guessing that it was admissible because it wasn't personal email?

I work for a public agency. Every email we send has a tagline:

"Email correspondence to and from this address may be subject to [public records law] and may be disclosed to third parties by authorized state officials"

That's warning enough for me that my work email isn't private. It wasn't for them.

We recently had a poster on this site who states he hid cameras ("spy cameras" was the wording used) in the privacy of the home and listened in on his wife strategize the coming divorce. He also shared how he used a recording from a hidden camera to prove to law-enforcement officers how he beat up the OM in self-defense. While several posters seemed to encourage him in his actions, I pointed out that in his state this was illegal, and that if the cops were semi-competent at their jobs there would now be a public record of how the OP broke the law. To quote my own post on that thread:

Bluntly: The WW has a very strong case to have the OP removed from the home, a restraining order, and due to how judges frown on illegal wiretapping, a very strong case for prime residency while the divorce goes through.

In light of the discussion on this thread here I feel it appropriate to post another part of my response in the epic thread I indirectly refer to above.

We often suggest using some form of eavesdropping (VAR, spycams, spouse’s social media, email etc) to find out what’s happening. However, we should follow that advice up with a warning about how you USE that info. Most states/countries have laws about expected privacy, and laws that prevent wiretapping. I don’t know of a single place where you could use a recording that breaks those laws to your advantage in court. In fact – it would have the opposite effect.
If you record your spouse, it’s only to discover what’s happening. Are they cheating? You use that info for yourself to confirm or refute that suspicion. You don’t share that recording with anyone – least of all the spouse. If the discovery leads to legal action such as divorce you immediately STOP ALL recording or wiretapping. If your spouse’s attorney can show that you are possibly listening in on their calls or communications, you can be in a serious legal situation or have a very compromised position to negotiate from, and any data gained from such methods has no real value for the divorce anyway.
If there is some info that could have legal implications – get a PI. Could even feed him with what you know and have, and they can then use that to get a legal source for the information.

cost to get info surreptitiously?

10 Bucks or so

more useful:

cost to get info via PI?

50-100 bucks and hour - and likely a $1500 retainer to start

All: best digest last part of Biggers post.

and this often repeated advice: NEVER reveal your sources

Lemme tell you, if I suspected my H of cheating again, you bet your ass that I'd be snooping in his phone and planting VARs. But like Bigger said, it could really backfire.

I honestly didn't know that it was a federal crime. Did y'all?

Anyway. Snoop carefully!

So cuff me and stuff me.

He gave me his password. I really dont care. 🤣 Good luck defending that!