Topic is Sleeping.
luvedmypbear (original poster member #25690) posted at 5:11 PM on Wednesday, March 6th, 2024
I’m reflecting on continuing to explore my inner joy, capacity for giving and receiving love, and the beliefs that allowed me to accept the unacceptable in our marriage.
I’ve been on SI for many years and read daily. WH suffered traumatic brain injury in combat 20 years ago and has cycled through layers of disordered intimacy, illicit affairs and other addictions since.
I have reacted, attempted to argue him back, and lived in emotional turmoil for much of this time.
A year and a half ago, everything changed. He told me he didn’t love me, likely never did and never would. He took the engagement ring he had given me in 2004 and I had worn since and barred me from our shared bed.
All of a sudden, I stopped arguing and I set out to understand why I had accepted the unacceptable for years. I am worthy of love and have given him love. I honored our marriage.
During this time, I have explored and come to understand the patterns that needed to shift and have deliberately worked through them.
I’ve never felt happier and stronger. I’m connected with our children more closely and am enjoying improved relationships with everyone in my life.
And WH? He doesn’t matter. He will either get better or not but it’s not my focus or concern to fix him. I explained and excused him for so long I stopped mattering. Never again.
luvedmypbear didn’t care what you thought. She knew she was a badass.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 6:08 PM on Wednesday, March 6th, 2024
Excellent update! I'm so glad you're focusing on you and your healing.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 6:21 PM on Wednesday, March 6th, 2024
What a beautiful post! 
Gasping for air while volunteering to give others CPR is not heroic.
Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.
hikingout ( member #59504) posted at 6:42 PM on Wednesday, March 6th, 2024
Awesome! I think this is the goal for ws and bs alike. When we become responsible for our own happiness, no one can take it away. If we base it in internal benchmarks, external doesn’t effect it as much. And when we are complete and whole on our own, the relationships we keep or attract are going to be the healthier ones. Everything in our life is a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves. Bless you on this journey, it will continue to allow what is worthwhile to float to the top!
7 years of hard work - WS and BS - Reconciled
Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 11:03 PM on Wednesday, March 6th, 2024
So, what's your favorite food now that you don't hafta consider what he likes?
Me, I love nachos. It's a superior dish, with refined elegance.
[This message edited by Notthevictem at 11:04 PM, Wednesday, March 6th]
BH
DDAY Mar 2014
Widowed 2022 - breast cancer
luvedmypbear (original poster member #25690) posted at 5:04 AM on Thursday, March 7th, 2024
Thank you all so much.
Healthy attracts healthy, you are spot on! I am committed to staying on a positive path forward.
Now that I don’t ask WH what he wants to eat, our kids and I enjoy more soups and salads than ever before which are my favorite. Nachos are pretty great too though.
luvedmypbear didn’t care what you thought. She knew she was a badass.
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 6:52 AM on Thursday, March 7th, 2024
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
Topic is Sleeping.
