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Newest Member: chickenchicken

Reconciliation :
5 years out

Topic is Sleeping.
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 SaddestDad (original poster member #69800) posted at 4:31 PM on Friday, January 26th, 2024

Hey everyone, hope you're all doing as well as you can be.

February 4th will be 5 years out from DDay 1. I've cone a very long way thus far.

On January 6th, I was dark for a long time but I couldn't figure out why I was. That was the anniversary of the last DDay we had 4 years gone. I actually forgot about a DDay date!! Granted, I was still dark but omg!

I'm unfortunately still looking for a job. I think that was one of the biggest repercussions I've dealt with. The confidence-killing is real, regardless of R or D.

A lot of you told me that I should D my WW... that she wasn't R material. I'm happy to say "told ya so." She is a totally different person now than she was back then. In the best possible way.

If not for her having stepped up and taken accountability for her actions, I'd probably be dead by now.

It's sickening to know that had it not been for the DDays we probably would have gotten D'ed because her affairs had thrown not just a wrench but a sledgehammer between the two of us.

Am I fully healed now, 5 years out? No, I don't think I am.

I am, however, present for our infant and the older kids. I've come far enough to be responsible enough to take care of all 3 of them so that my wife can work. It doesn't bother me knowing that she's currently the breadwinner as I know that I'm contributing as best as I can. I work per diem and also do a lot of dogsitting to help make ends meet.

Again, I'm not 100% there yet, but I expect to be within the next 2-3 years.

To all of you newly betrayed spouses, I just want to tell you that there IS hope for a better future for you as soon as you relinquish control of the situation. Remember that you are a badass motherfucker with brass balls (or bosom for the ladies lol) the size of watermelons. You're a strong, passionate and capable individual. You're going to see it yourself one day soon. You just need to open your eyes.

Life is a wheel. Sooner or later everything you'd left behind comes around again. For good or ill, it comes around again.

For what profit is to a man if he gains the world but loses his own soul?

BH 32
WW 34 Change4thebetter

Working hard

posts: 603   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2019   ·   location: NY
id 8822551
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 11:12 PM on Friday, January 26th, 2024

Good news, SD, except on the job front. Being unemployed does a really bad job on one's self-esteem.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30400   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8822612
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Copingmybest ( member #78962) posted at 11:16 AM on Saturday, January 27th, 2024

Thanks SD for those words of encouragement. I'm just about at 3 years post DDay and haven't really found myself yet, but I'm getting there. The days of me thinking I'm going to be OK are slowly outnumbering the days I don't. It's a boost in the confidence bank to hear a positive story like your. I'm sending you as much good juju as I can in hopes that a solid job opportunity pops up for you very soon.

posts: 316   ·   registered: Jun. 16th, 2021   ·   location: Midwest
id 8822638
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Ladybugmaam ( member #69881) posted at 11:45 AM on Saturday, January 27th, 2024

SD…thank you for posting. I’m on about the same timeline as you. Totally identify with not being completely healed. But, I’m grateful for where we are.

EA DD 11/2018
PA DD 2/25/19
One teen son
I am a phoenix.

posts: 488   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2019
id 8822639
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hikingout ( member #59504) posted at 4:32 PM on Saturday, January 27th, 2024

Good to hear from you saddest dad, always like to hear an update.

7 years of hard work - WS and BS - Reconciled

posts: 7597   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2017   ·   location: Arizona
id 8822668
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fhtshop ( new member #83337) posted at 4:38 PM on Saturday, January 27th, 2024

Am I fully healed now, 5 years out? No, I don't think I am.

I thought I was to for so many years. But with the big 40th wedding anniversary that was coming up last August all the triggering has come back now it is almost always constantly on my mind.

Infidelity never stops giving.

Again, I'm not 100% there yet, but I expect to be within the next 2-3 years.

I thought I was 100 percent there for a very long time. Sorry if I am sounding extremely negative and I really hope when you get to that 100 percent you say that way for ever.

[This message edited by fhtshop at 6:00 PM, Sunday, January 28th]

posts: 34   ·   registered: May. 12th, 2023   ·   location: New Zealand
id 8822670
Topic is Sleeping.
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