Hi all,
So many of you will know when it comes to reconciling with my BS I have made a fatal error in that I have subjected her to TT and essentially whilst the foundations of the A were laid out to her some of the more graphic details have had to be dragged out of me along with some other of the more relevant bits big and small.
I recently put up a post though in the WS section and one thing that came out of it has been how I seem to really talk Ill of myself and put myself down.
The state of my relationship now is in total tatters, I am often called many things, have had doors slammed and rings thrown across the room and it is generally a really toxic environment....When I say names, if it were just simply "your a cheat and a liar" I could live with that but it's been more than that and has been absolutely horrific at times which has been a real challenge to deal with.
I have snapped back and yes have said some nasty shit too in response to these comments however I have made a commitment to myself that this shouldn't happen and am trying to avoid such things recognising that this is not what my BS needs sometimes this doesnt work.
This isn't all day, everyday we have periods of greatness and we are close and affectionate but after having read one of our A related books its evident tht it's just part of the cycle.
Now, this leads to the last week or two, my BS has been telling me how we are done, not that she doesnt think she can do this anymore but physically done. That she cant see a future for us anymore and that she will never trust me and will never be happy. As a result I have tried to be as honest as I can be to her, I have explained to her how I understand, how I recognise that she has every right to walk away and how she has given it her best in trying to fix the marriage which I soooo easily destroyed.
I have even told her that I don't know if I can be 100% honest yet. I know I can be about daily life and my feelings but as so much has been dragged out of me, now there are just no more thoughts swirling in my head about the A.. she just finds it baffling I even say that but honestly the amount of shit I have spewed out my mouth I can't actually sit here and say that I am now cured and honest!!! I want to be clear I am determined to better myself because I am sick of the burden that is carried within and I want to be a better husband for her given all the crap I've put her and my kids through...
I understand her issue mind, she believes I need to give full disclosure and that I am still holding back stuff in my head and she cant get around this belief that there just isnt anything left.
Anyway last night I told her how I am struggling with this all, how I dont know if I can do this because we are at each others throats and it's becoming horrific. This following another argument about how she cant do this etc...I believe I am being honest to her which is fair and what she has asked me to do, she seems to believe however that this is a sense of abandonment and that I'm not fighting for her (I did leave during her during the A!!)
So to my question, what is to be expected as a WS and how do you deal with a BS that says some horrific things and constantly tells you that they are done and not want a relationship with you anymore?? I suspect my BS is at a place where she is too afraid to pull the plug as we have children and a life together but we keep going around in circles right now and there is just no progress...
[This message restored by Webmaster at 10:16 AM, Sunday, November 26th]
[This message edited by Tinytim1980 at 2:00 PM, Sunday, November 19th]