I was your age when my H had his first EA affair. I have come to suspect it was more than an EA but I have no proof so I have to accept I will never know the full truth.
And this was an EA I knew about from day 1 which he REFUSED to admit. This was in the 90s and before texting etc. but I knew it was happening. From the moment I met this "friend" of his I told him to watch his back.
The affair finally ended and was rugswept. Never mentioned.
Now it’s our 25th wedding anniversary and he’s been cheating. Typical midlife crisis affair and he wants a D. Sadly I had to call the OW to learn what was going on.
I’m 2 minutes I found out all I needed to know. I also learned my H approached her in a bar (I was led to believe she approached him).
If I knew back then WHO and WHAT my H really was, before we had kids, I would have D him. I would have avoided his second affair, his disrespect, his years of flirty behavior AND the disconnect in our parenting style.
And yes so many things revert back to the choices they make, cheating being an indicator of selfishness, inability to cope w/ stress or life, need for an ego boost, etc.
Take this for what it is. Please put yourself first and ask yourself where you see yourself in the future. I can tell you that every person I know who was cheated on by their BF/GF and then married the cheater, ended up being cheated on by their spouse.
At least 20 of my friends have all suffered at the hands of the cheater. Some did not find out about the cheating until after the marriage, but they all wish they had another chance to make a better choice and not marry the cheater.
Point is some cheaters will NEVER change. In your case I think you should really evaluate WHY you want to stay in this situation.
I can tell you on dday2 I kicked my H out, told him I was D him and did the very hard 180 on him. He pushed me to the edge and saw a side of me he wished he never encountered. I no longer “play nice” and I am no longer a doormat. I hold him accountable on everything and there are no second chances.
[This message edited by The1stWife at 5:50 PM, Tuesday, October 17th]