Hoping that someone here with more experience in the R process can help me out. I'm still very early in R, a few months, and for the last 3 weeks the parinoia that my wife was still in contact with the AP was my primary thought/feeling, along with dealing with the hurt/sadness of the betrayal as a secondary emotion.
Over the last 5 days, my WW and I had many good conversation about the A, and that, along with my random phone checks, have helped convince me that the online affair/EA with her EX is pretty much done. I also believe her when she said she wants nothing to do with him anymore, and the thought of talking to him again terrifies her (she had a panic attack when thinking about the A the other day, so I know she looks back at it with a lot of anxiety).
So now that the parinoia is greatly subsided, all I feel is the hurt and sadness. I know a lot of people recommend doing a 180 and building yourself up. Which I have done by going to the gym, picking up old/new hobbies, but its not really helping these last few days.
All I think about is how for the last 6 years I've felt deprioritized by my wife compared to how we were the first few years, and how since we got a dog almost 4 years ago I've felt unsupported as she put all of her effort towards him, and how for the last 2 years she didn't like me or our marriage. And most of all I think about for 11 months straight she cheated on me 100s of times with inappropriate flirting, sext messages, and videos/pictures of herself nude for an ex-BF who, from what I hear of his behavior, has a sex/porn addiction and was clearly just pretending to give a shit about my WW so he could masterbate to her at the end of the day (which she recently told me he sent videos of a lot).
And yes I neglected my wife, drank too much and played video games a lot for the last 3 years. But at no time before the affair started did she vocalize how much it negatively affected her. She also offered no support to help straighten me out.
A little torn on how to deal with this. My wife has really helped me believe she is remorseful and has done a lot to improve her efforts in our marriage, both with her development and paying for MC. I don't want to derail any progress.
I guess I'm looking for advice as to how you all were able to deal with this part of the R phase and not let it hurt your recovery?
[This message edited by Tav3n at 8:45 PM, Friday, July 7th]