Topic is Sleeping.
seeker16 (original poster member #57059) posted at 9:22 PM on Thursday, June 24th, 2021
I think it has been well over a year since I've visited here. A few ups and a lot of downs and heartbreak over the last 4 years, but my silver lining came at the beginning of last year.
I met an amazing woman and everything just clicked into place. We are married now, very much in love and happy as ever.
It really makes me question why I moped around for 2 years and put so much time and effort in my former cheating spouse post the first DDay. Of course, during that time every thing just felt so bleak and hopeless. I would also cling on to just about any woman that gave me any kind of positive attention because I craved it so much after being betrayed. I don't regret having a little fun but emotionally I was not ready and tried to get serious too fast with a few people before meeting someone who was actually good for me.
My new wife went through an almost an identical situation with her ex and during a similar time frame. It was surreal how similar our situations were and we really bonded over that. That's not all we bonded over by any means (I'd be here typing for hours), but I am very blessed to have connected with someone so much like me and I truly feel our past experiences with infidelity will actually benefit our relationship. We are still very much in our honeymoon phase but I don't plan to leave it. The only problems we have are still having to deal with narcissistic controlling exes because we both have kids.
I'm not sure why I felt compelled to logon and post this. Maybe it will give someone hope that it will all be ok. Don't be like me and cling on to just anyone that gives you attention post D. Make sure it feels right and genuine before getting serious. If you have a remorseless, habitual cheating ex, do not waste your time with them either.
stubbornft ( member #49614) posted at 9:31 PM on Thursday, June 24th, 2021
I am so happy for you! I love when people post these - those of us still in the thick of it need to know there is happiness in the future.
Me: BS 40 Him: WS 51 He cheated with massage parlor sex workersDday 01/19/2021
Kicked him out in 2021 - life is better on the other side. Moved on with the help of a wonderful therapist.
Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 11:25 PM on Thursday, June 24th, 2021
So happy for you!!
That comment about letting go of remorseless cheating spouses is so spot on.
Please do consider dropping in here. Your wisdom and any strength, hope and encouragement can light the path in the darkness for others.
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 6:21 AM on Friday, June 25th, 2021
fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!
You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~
DictumVeritas ( member #74087) posted at 9:11 AM on Friday, June 25th, 2021
Keep looking forward and never back with your emotional eye, but don't forget the lessons learned. I am glad you found love again. I wish you a long and happy life together.
Your life is but a flicker to the cosmos and only the brightest flickers are recorded by history for good or bad. Most of us just want to live our lives without being interfered with.
sillyoldsod ( member #43649) posted at 9:33 AM on Friday, June 25th, 2021
Congratulations Seeker16.
Forgive me but this sentence jumped out to my slightly cynical eye 
.....
...We are still very much in our honeymoon phase but I don't plan to leave it.
Whilst that's a great ideal to have in a marriage I think it's important to realise that the honeymoon phase is just that, a phase. Relationships, like everything else, change over time.
Wishing you both all the best for the future. 
I've never met a sociopath I didn't like.
WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 10:10 AM on Friday, June 25th, 2021
Yup, I needed to see this today. I'm so happy for you! Thank you for sharing.
I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural
Karmafan ( member #53810) posted at 2:53 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021
Lovely! We need more positive stories like this on NB! Congrats and well done for not settling on just anyone.
Me 48 XWH Irrelevant D-day 23 Feb 163 amazing, resilient kids
You are not a drop in the Ocean, you are the entire Ocean in a drop
seeker16 (original poster member #57059) posted at 4:22 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021
Glad many of you were happy to see this post :)
Please do consider dropping in here. Your wisdom and any strength, hope and encouragement can light the path in the darkness for others.
Shehawk, I certainly will! Thank you!
Whilst that's a great ideal to have in a marriage I think it's important to realise that the honeymoon phase is just that, a phase. Relationships, like everything else, change over time.
Absolutely sillyoldsod and no offense taken.
JJ777 ( new member #74326) posted at 4:31 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021
Funnily enough I logged on today after almost a year to look and see if there was an update/ recovering happily section/ post. So really happy to see you post, seeker 16
Whilst I can honestly say that the folks on here and their support stopped me from losing the plot many times in the early days,I needed to take a break from reading and try and figure it all out.
To summise I tried to give my WS another chance and he repaid me by lying to everyone, including counsellors and eventually admitted he had lied so much he could no longer remember who he had told what. Oh and he was still seeing the MOW!
I learnt that I had been with a covert narcissist for over 2 decades and had no clue who this person really was. In some ways his evental diagnosis and continued behaviour, helped to give this former blubbering wreck, the strength to leave, move alone into a rental and return to full time nursing- all in the middle of the pandemic,
oh and then divorce him.
I was supported through this by an old school boyfriend who was also getting divorced after a long marriage and lives 300 miles away from me.
That moral support we gave one another, first on line, then over the phone and then over meetings whenenever lockdowns allowed- we have over time and our first weeks staycation together, realised its become a full blown love thing.
Cant describe how happy I am -
want others to know that there is light and life at the end of this infidelity nightmare, and not just for you youngies- I have just turned 55
Topic is Sleeping.
