Well, I’ve been gone awhile but now I’m back. In case we haven’t met, roughly 18 months ago I discovered my WW was having an affair with her work superior. She broke it off upon discovery, he responded by destroying a bunch of my property while we slept. As my WW’s AP faced criminal charges and job loss, he committed suicide. A truly shocking story I still can’t believe I got pulled into.
My wife and I have been reconciling. For awhile things went pretty well. We read books together and talked more openly. Processed a lot of very intense emotions together.
Now a year and a half later, progress feels stalled. We get tired after dealing with our kids and fall asleep instead of deep talks and reading. Sex has gotten less frequent and even less energentic.
While my emotions are not as intense as they once were, depression can be pervasive. I’ve not yet been able to regain the personal confidence I once had. This experience really crushed me and I’ll be forever changed by it.
The sense of injustice is always on a slow burn. Virtually everyone who got near this mess paid a heavy price, except my wife. She got to have an affair, quit her job and become a stay at home mom like she wanted. I suppose she lost her reputation and dignity, but given all the other fallout, it seems out of balance.
And yet, there’s no way to right it! The thought of having a revenge affair turns my stomach. I can’t imagine knowingly doing what was done to me. I don’t want to be lowered to that, and I cannot stand the thought of more drama being put on our kids.
And with that, there’s no recourse. I told my wife a long time ago that I forgive her. I meant it. I’m trying to continue to choose to mean it but damn it is hard. And I also realize that my own resentment probably doesn’t help our relationship in any way.
Those of you who have had successful reconciliation, what helped to keep progressing at this stage? I know it’s a five year recovery. The first year was awful but I knew the direction to go. It feels kinda lost right now.
