SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

A confession update! The last 10 hours have been rather mad and unexpected.

She came in late last night after going out drinking with friends (confirmed).

I unexpectedly felt it was the right setting to confront her on what was going on in the background.

I did it so very gently, no raised voice, no throwing evidence at her. I initially asked about it being the end for us, and if so wanting to move it on quickly and swiftly.

I explained how our friendship was so precious to us and I don’t feel we have that, we don’t have the trust and integrity and if anything we need it for the kids.

I said I know what is going on from what I saw on her phone. She resisted a number of times though I reinforced with further pieces of evidence.

I continued being calm and asking how it would feel if the roles were reversed. Saying that she had more than a friendship with him.

I said how I have no one else in the picture, though indirectly said that wasn’t the case for her.

If she wants a separation to know what she wants then it’s need to be a level playing field.

I again said about needing honesty and being open.

I feel if she carries on with anything now that it is on the table, then we are done.

[This message edited by thoughtpoet58 at 2:52 PM, Monday, September 2nd]

I always say there is no chance of reconciling and rebuilding while the cheater has another man in her heart. So for me, best to lean into it.

Make sure she knows she has broken your heart. But also be firm that if she has him in her life, heart, mind and body than he is more her spouse now than you are and you won't be in a relationship where you have to share any part of her with another.

A separation where the cheater gets to try on another man for size is NOT a separation where she is working on your marriage.

So best course of action is to make sure she knows that you can support her request to try with another person but it will be simultaneous with you working through the divorce process. That can be stopped at any time but while she's pursuing another man you need to be working to get out from under her infidelity.

It takes a dedicated wayward partner to even have a chance of rebuilding a destroyed relationship. If she's still involved with her AP there is no way for her to be dedicated to you and the reconciliation process.

I'm sorry.

By the way if you are not legally married but together for 12 years you should still be working with a lawyer to ensure proper separation of assets and custody of any children.

Make this very real to her.

Need time and space for what exactly?

No seriously?

What Stevesn said. Make it very clear if she wants a shot at reconciliation going no contact with her AP is a must.

No matter her decision please tell the other betrayed spouse. She deserves to know the truth of her marriage as much as you did.

Thanks for everyones messages.

I have much more clarity and feeling much more grounded and at ease with things changing now I have some truth and honesty on the table.

We've done more talking, and this is the end of the road for this relationship.

She seems remorseful though not in a way of wanting to reconcile.

She is seeming more emotional since this chat, I assume with the reality of it setting in.

Right now the trust is completely broken with what she's done, and she knows she needs to work at it to even get our friendship back. We have kids, so we need to make it work somehow.

I have been getting legal advice and sorting out finances and working out my next steps. Now focusing on looking after myself and making sure the kids have the best Dad they can through these times.

Some texts I was able to oversee were quite a few racy messages, suggesting she has been intimate with a guy from the local gym. Over the weeks I have seen and captured significant evidence that backs up my thoughts of physical stuff going on (he is married with 2 kids).

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Sorry u r going through this shite storm my man. You definitely are doing right ending this relationship with this sorry excuse for a partner.

STD checks? Inform the POS's wife of what her H is up to feed her as much evidence as you have. She deserves to know.

No one can predict the future the only thing you can do is to clean the slate & start fresh, and for that start meet someone who has integrity, loyalty & morals, none of which your WW possesses.

Sending strength my man