Topic is Sleeping.
crazycatlady ( member #12849) posted at 9:59 PM on Tuesday, June 18th, 2024
When I got the "I never meant to hurt you" line I replied "no, you meant to kill me." That sure shut him up. 
Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.William Shakespeare "All's Well That Ends Well"D-Day: Nov 30, 2006"For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright, who art as black as hell, as dark as night." William Shakespeare
Stillconfused2022 ( member #82457) posted at 2:05 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2024
I completely banned use of the word "WE" in these discussions.
I said that it was because I didn’t give a flying f#$@ what the Other Person thought, felt wanted, believed etc.
At first I think I just wanted them separated from the Other Person by banning input about the AP in these conversations. But as I would completed lose it if he said the word "WE" he pretty quickly dropped that. I think that made it easier. You don’t need extra pain and that word will most definitely cause extra pain.
Later, I realized it was actually TRUE. I don’t give a flying f@#$ what that Person thought, felt, wanted etc.
If you spouse wants to say that they as a spouse did not want to hurt you then fine, they can say that. It doesn’t really help much but it may be true.
I agree with others that they the cheating spouse acts with callous disregard for your feelings. It is no less cruel because they did not intend to hurt you.
[This message edited by Stillconfused2022 at 2:07 AM, Wednesday, June 19th]
Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 2:13 PM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2024
"(actually, they are so self-centered that they don't even consider the BSs), the real problem is that they don't want NOT to hurt the BSs."
This ^^^^
Saying I never meant to hurt you is in my opinion a way to deflect responsibility for the tremendous pain and damage caused by selfish self centered unilateral actions taken in the course of an affair. I no longer interact at all with exwh but if I did him saying this to me would not work for me. It would be the same to me as him abdicating responsibility for cheating by blaming me or anything other than himself for his damaging actions. Any competent adult knows not only that cheating is wrong but that it would hurt the betrayed. If they didn’t cheaters would not hide or justify it.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this.
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 2:12 AM on Friday, June 21st, 2024
Nope I did NOT get that comment. I was told I wanted to hurt you. I didn’t care. I was angry.
Not sure which is worse. He got what he wanted.
Topic is Sleeping.
