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So it is officially my 1 year anniversary today.

Exactly 1 year ago I found out about my partners betrayal which had been going on for 4 years up until that point. He told me because the OW fell pregnant (although he claims he was going to tell me anyway as he couldn’t cope with the lies anymore but I’ll never know if that’s true). My partner was at her beck and call for pregnancy related emergencies etc and she miscarried a month later. He has stopped all contact with her but not sure if that makes me question him as well because can you really be with someone for 4 years and drop all contact after that?!

Anyway as soon as confessed to the affair he said he wished he hadn’t done it, worst time of his life and he had suicidal ideation. He said he wanted to rebuild and for us to work it out and stay together.

We had 4 months living separately as I immediately kicked him out. We then went on holiday together and he slowly moved back in.

Things with us now are pretty much the same as they’ve always been (affectionless and same lazy habits) which I think might be red flags as surely it’s meant to be better than ever and he should be showing me waaaay more love and affection (even if I’m not doing that toward him)?

I don't think he’s even clocked what day it is today. If he has, he certainly hasn’t mentioned anything. Maybe that’s a good thing - does it even need to be acknowledged?

I don’t feel any rush of emotions at all, I just feel nothing actually. Just empty/numb which isn’t anything new - not sure if that’s normal during (a limping attempt at) reconciliation or not? Are we circling the drain?

What are other waywards doing at this stage of reconciliation and during these d-day anniversary dates?

How are other betrayed people feeling at the anniversaries?

What I would most like is to message the OW! I keep stalking her insta for profile picture changes or blurb updates which is clearly unhealthy and I know I won’t achieve anything by contacting her but honestly I really feel such a deep urge to! Has anyone else done this and do you regret it or did it bring you closure?

The main point of this post is:
Are people normally triggered at a d-day anniversary?
Why am I not more bothered about it?

Happy d-day to me I guess! 🤣🫠

[This message edited by LittleRedRobin23 at 2:40 PM, Monday, June 3rd]

Triggered at 1st d-day anniversary? Not me.

I triggered on the probable date of 1st sex 8-9 months after d-day (12/22/10), and I was more and more of a wreck every day between then and my actual 1st anniversary (12/22/11). The actual 1st antiversary came as a relief. I was less of a wreck in 2012 and much less in 2013.

For the last 6-7 years, I'd have to check the timeline doc to remember the date of 1st sex. On my d-day antiversary we make sure we do something nice.

My recos:

1) By all means, do something noce for yourself.

2) Talk with your H about your thoughts and feelings about this day.

3) Tell your H he's not doing enough and be prepared to ask him for what you want.

4) If he won't agree to give you what you want, develop your plan to make your life better. Do not settle.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:11 PM, Monday, June 3rd]

I do get triggered around this time of year, not necessarily the day of.

It honestly doesn't sound like a relationship you want to be in the way you describe it. What do you want from this marriage? What do you want from him? What will you do if you don't get that?

Sorry you are hurting. It really sucks.

I feel like I’ve been more triggered by talking about past memories than todays d-day anniversary, like "oh remember when we went on this trip" and my head goes straight to yea the same year when you started your affair.

You are definitely correct the relationship as it currently is, is it not one I want to be in long term. I want a family and I want someone who I can have fun with, who I can love out loud and be loved out loud and who I’m a ‘team’ with.

I’ve been pushing him away - probably a protective mechanism to not be hurt again but it doesn’t feel like he is trying very hard to pull me back to him. Not sure what he should be doing though to be honest and maybe I’ve got unrealistic expectations but it does feel like he should be doing more.

Just trying to put one foot in front of the other at the moment and understand what I actually want for myself and if I want to continue being with him or not. I don’t know why I’m struggling to determine my own mind and feelings. This is the worst part.

What are other waywards doing at this stage of reconciliation and during these d-day anniversary dates?

We don't discuss it at all. Have not for a long time. I observe them silently. This serves as a reminder of the most glaring character defect I have, and its consequences, and I feel grateful not to be all up in that any more.

How are other betrayed people feeling at the anniversaries?

I don't know the extent to which BW recognizes these. Since she is very anniversary conscious in other ways, I GUESS she remembers.
But with us it's DADT, along with rug-sweep and spackle.

It has been 6 years for me, now single.

The day that hits me is my anniversary date. It is more a sadness for what it is not. This year it would have been 30 years, but I am truly glad not to be with him.

From what you said it seems your husband has not learned very much. I think you need to protect your marriage by investing in it. Counselling is a good approach.