One day, hikingout and emergent are going to disagree about something, it’s going to be epic....
I'm sure we've disagreed in the past, though I can't remember anything specific. Like Hiking said, we've both been here a while, and certainly when we joined, we were in very different places. I know I've said it before, but when I first joined, I mostly lurked and didn't really feel confident enough in where I was to have fully formed opinions so even if I did disagree with her, I probably wouldn't have voiced it publicly (I know, that almost seems inconceivable now. 
). I will say that Hiking has always been nicer, more patient, and more eloquent than myself. 
If our opinions on things sometimes converge somewhat, it's probably because I have taken a lot of the things she has said over the years as starting framework for how I've come to think about my husband's affair and my own recovery. In those first years post d-day, I used to read and read and read and sometimes people would share insight on posts that would blow my mind or expand my brain a bit, or would word things in a way that precisely described a feeling I had experienced that I did not have the words for. Ever the teacher's pet, I would write these little notes down in a notebook, like a student preparing for a test, and think about it more or take home to discuss with my husband. I eventually started writing down the posters names so I could go back and follow their stories or look out for their comments on other posts, and I can tell you that my notebook was full of things written by "HO" (which I disliked at the time because "ho" felt like an unfortunate moniker for a WW who was clearly doing the work).
I do distinctly remember hearing her - and other WSs that posted regularly at the time - discuss their "whys" at a time when I was working through the same thing with my husband. I recall getting enormous benefit from her willingness to share that part of her journey publicly and in doing so, express in words that made sense to me (or at least were less loaded for me), concepts or themes that were similar to what my husband was (less artfully) expressing. It led to conversations between him and myself that led to breakthroughs for us both, and helped me realize he – and we - were probably on the right track, regardless of how it FELT at the time. I am grateful to her and to this place for this place in helping me noodle my way through all of that.
As such, this…
I believe that dear woman has a handle on things in such a deep way that it wouldn’t be her I would question.
In the meantime, I read her posts with a whole lot of emphatic head nodding. And I learn something or she articulates a feeling I have many times in each post. We are lucky to have her and the many wise folks here who have found their way through.
…feels incredibly kind and a little unwarranted. Maybe it's a touch of imposter's syndrome or perfectionism speaking, but I still think of myself as someone who just shoots from the hip, and would probably do better to not spout off so much. So Hiking (never "HO"), thank you, genuinely. Unsurprisingly, I feel the same way about you. I will also say that you commented something kind about nodding along with my comments on a post of mine many years back (I had to go back and check, it was a post I made in early 2020 noting my 3 year antiversary) and reading this today this made me think of how validated I felt reading that then. It makes me realize how I should really make more of a point to acknowledge other posters here who I find myself nodding in agreement with, because sometimes posting can feel intimidating, and maybe it shouldn't be.
Finally, and most importantly, I also genuinely don't actually see anything wrong with disagreement. I’m a huge proponent of the Socratic method being the best way to develop critical thought, and as much as I would love being told I’m right all the time (seriously, words of affirmation are my jam! 
), I cant imagine anything more boring or soul sucking than living in an echo chamber where I was never challenged. Yes, part of my motivation for being here is to help others, but I also know myself well enough to know that if I wasn’t still learning or growing, I probably (selfishly) wouldn’t be here. Respectful disagreement is an excellent starting point for growth. When someone I respect says something I disagree with, I’d probably be intrigued to know more. At this point, I certainly have enough respect for Hikingout and the way she approaches things that if I viscerally disagreed with something she wrote, I’d assume I was missing something and I’d probably have to stop what I was doing to learn everything I could on the topic to make sure. So yeah, maybe it’d be epic – but probably in the literary sense (ie. long) not in the cage match sort of way. 
End threadjack.
But at the same time, you need to have someone in that chair that you trust and that is helping you make progress. I’ve heard a lot of people here talk very highly of their MC’s and that they have successfully gotten thru to the WS, and to the BS, and helped bridge the gap.
I think this is true. I do want to highlight something that ThisIsFine (another poster whom I respect ) posted earlier in this thread however and that is that I think the most important thing you can have if you want MC to be successful is two honest dealers who are there for the right reasons and who are committed and open to the process in good faith, and are on a similar page regarding the goals of treatment. In my view that is way more important than the individual counsellor.
I say this, of course, from the perspective of someone who overall saw MC as a net positive (despite actively disliking the process sometimes). My own MC was fine I suppose – I have nothing to compare her to - and I certainly acknowledge I got lucky that she wasn’t actively doing anything that hampered our R (I know not everyone is that fortunate), but I don’t necessarily attribute the progress we made in MC to her necessarily. She wasn’t some wise miracle worker that delivered truth bombs from on high and who was able to wave her wand and transform my husband from a foggy, remorseless, obstructive Wayward who refused to do any work, into a model spouse.
OP, I suppose that is why I was asking about what brought you to MC now. Are you and your wife on the same page about it?
