SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So after nearly 6 years after keeping his infidelity to myself…. my family was noticing that something was "off" with me.
From the beginning of "d-day", I vowed that I would rather die before telling my kids, from a previous relationship, that he had helped raised.
After realizing that they detected something was not right, I came to terms with them (whom are both now adults), that i HAD to tell them!
So I did….
It was awful and everything that I feared!
I have filed for divorce!
We were together for 15 years, 10 of those years we were married!
Fast forward 3 months or so, still in the mist of the divorce, I find myself mad…at him for single handedly destroying our marriage and our family!
I am struggling with getting over this!!

Sounds like infidelity was a dealbreaker for you. It is for many. Even with a truly remorseful spouse (a rare unicorn IMHO), the marriage is never the same. Something at the core is forever broken.

You are angry, and you have every right to be angry. The emotions will be up and down. You’ve taken a HUGE step toward getting your life back; an authentic life where you don’t need to "hold it together" or "keep up appearances." That was the worst part of my 2 years of false R /unremorseful WH: I felt like a fraud. Going to parties as a couple while I was screaming inside, "This is faaake! He’s a POS!"

Divorcing him was the greatest thing I’ve ever done for myself. Finalized 1 year ago yesterday. My life couldn’t be better.

Feel all of the emotions. You will get through this. Keep going!

WhoTheBleep,
Just the words I needed to hear/read!!
Thank you!
You give me hope 🙏

D is not a magic bullet, but for me it was when healing was able to ramp up exponentially. Anger is part of it, and totally normal. You are grieving the death of your M, the future you had planned, and the years you had to recalibrate based on his cheating. And grieving means you may experience anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (any or all, and in any order, sometimes looping back around on them). So feel the anger. Accept the anger. Just don’t let it consume you and stick around too long. If you feel stuck with it, talk to an IC about it.

AND recognize the moments of peace, of calm, of excitement about a future and celebrate those. As you feel, process and release the anger, then you will find more positive emotions taking its place.

You should be proud of yourself for doing what you need and for not protecting him from the consequences of his own actions. I think that it’s important for children - adult or young - to see what real relationships look like. Sometimes they fail but not for the reasons that Hollywood and pop culture tell us. And they need to see that there is life after relationships if they fail. They need to see that hard times happen and you have to work hard to maintain them (even without cheating). My parents presented the fairytale image and I did not learn (through modeling them) how to fight, argue, set and enforce healthy boundaries — all of which are part of healthy marriages if handled well.

I know this is super scary. Read and re-read the pinned post at the top of this forum. And post here as you need to. One thing about this group is I can’t recall a single poster who regrets filing for D. Doesn’t make it easy, but at the end of the road, we find peace and happiness, albeit a different one than we had hoped for when we married.

The emotional roller coaster ride continues for awhile. I found myself mad, grieving, sad, and let myself feel all the feels.

You will get to the spot where you think, "FREEDOM!"

WTB and BB have hit the nail on the head.