SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Has anyone had their teens claim that "this isn't affecting them" but yet have been going through huge life changes since DDay? My oldest child(18) has decided that she's straight and is in a relationship with her brother's best friend(17). While I trust this boy, I'm in utter disbelief that she didn't go deeper into her anxiety instead of jumping headfirst. She's always had her dad on a pedestal, so I expected this shock to make her not trust anyone. Middle child(16) recently broke up with his girlfriend of almost 2 years, (toxic relationship although I liked her as a person, so I'm a bit relieved) and has started talking to someone else. They both insist that it's not affecting them, besides the obvious worries about the both of us...but I'm not sure if this is just normal for their ages or if I need to be worried.

It sounds very normal. Being a teen is a tumultuous time. Did your daughter identify as LGBT before this?

When my wife and I sat our kids down and I told them I had something to tell them, they listened. It was a huge shock I'm sure for them to be hearing it. They both left the house together and went somewhere to talk. When they left, they were very quiet. They called my wife to confirm a few details. The following days they seemed to be more quiet around me. I would check in with them individually from time to time and ask them how they felt, if they had any questions for me. Each time they both said they were fine and didn't have any questions. I think that was there way of telling me everything was OK with them, but I really didn't believe them. I don't recall either of them going through huge life changes since then.

I don't believe them either, but I think they believe it. We've always been extremely upfront with them about things, since we were kind of sheltered growing up and believe it has somewhat to do with of our struggles financially, and his mentally.
I've gotten them both set up with counseling already. Also asked my oldest today if she wants to go see about birth control. Nothing's happened yet, but she later told me that last night it almost did but there were no condoms. I'd also already asked the boyfriend to get tested, because he's had a very large history and I know his last girlfriend and would definitely think he'd need to, he agreed to do it without hesitation.

Coffeelove, good idea on the birth control. I think for me I try and do the same kind of activities with my kids. They were both in high school when I told them. My daughter is now a senior in high school. I need to check in on them about how they are feeling about my affairs. We get along just fine, or as fine as you can with a 17 year high school senior and a son who is in his freshman year of college. I think and hope they will ask me if they have any questions on anything.

Teenagers are probably the most self-centered, self-absorbed people on planet Earth and often have skewed priorities… so I can totally believe that they are nonplussed about Dday because they’re fully immersed in their own personal soap opera.

I’m not familiar with your history; are you getting divorced or has their just been tumult since Dday? If the former, your kids might not start to feel it until they feel they are effected or impeded personally. If you’re staying together or currently in limbo, they might see the affair as your problem, not theirs.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 2:22 PM, Tuesday, January 2nd]

Currently in limbo, but he's not living at home. Part of the reason I suppose it's not bothering them much is because this is pretty much the same amount of time they've spent with him for years. He used to just work the 4 10 hour shifts a week, but once covid hit, the place he works has been almost non stop 6 days a week. (Definitely confirmed by his check stubs, he's never even bothered to access them before moving out)