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So I started IC a couple weeks ago. It’s taken a bit longer as the first therapist said she felt ill equipped to deal with my amount of trauma and so she passed my case in to a more Sr trauma therapist

So we have identified a few issues around decision making and boundaries. The first week she was trying to get me to identify when I was feeling anxious and then identify the thought that lead to it. Well my coping mechanisms have coping mechanisms so by the time I could identify I’m anxious I was already singing in my head to self soothe.

So now we are at working on mindfulness. She has given me a couple of exercises to work on to help me catch my thoughts. The ones she gave me are body scans and mindful eating. I am wondering if anyone here has any others they would recommend?

My sessions are all 2 weeks apart and I’d like to make faster progress and get to the part where we can actually start working on my screwed up thought patterns and boundary issues. But we can’t do that without first dealing with this issue.

Its interesting you say this, I had to do similar with my IC and then my Hypnotherapist and I found the whole mindfulness thing a real chore. Like you I had my own coping mechanisms so I found it a real struggle to write down the thoughts and feelings, when I got into the groove though I then discovered that I couldnt stop writing so had to pick and choose the best bits so to speak to present at my session.

Most of my issues I identified stemmed from imposter syndrome and the need to feel validated and liked....which came from some childhood stuff (nothing horrific, just the usual middle child syndrome and being flanked by a much younger sibling and a fucked up one) so I was always begging for attn and this came either in misbehaving or simply being the good child.

As I grew up, this attn seeking just never went away.

Good luck on your journey, it can be eye opening so just buckle up and make sure you dig deep.

No stop sign, BS posting.

My betrayal trauma specialist had me go through The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Neff and Gremier.

Through work, I have access to Headspace, a meditation app. Doing the 30-day intro to meditation really helped with thought spirals.

The two tools were so instrumental to helping me to catch my thoughts and bringing them back to the present.

Have you read Not Just Friends by Dr Shirley Glass? There's a chapter on windows and walls that helps understand boundaries.

Thanks for the replies!

As it turns out I get Headversity through work for free so I have started to use that app

I ordered "Not just Friends" last week after a significant breakthrough in my boundaries issues with BH rather that with the therapist so that should be here next week. Thanks for the recommendation though as I would really like to work on being a safer partner while making me a less f’d up person in general

Unfortunately I have significant childhood trauma and an attempted rape to work through so it’s going to be a while before the therapist is going to get to the safe partner goal but I hate to leave BH waiting. There is so much work to be done so I am trying to prioritize both healings as much as I can

I know I am BRAND new here but I listened to the meditation "When We Must Endure" by Sarah Blondin last night and it was incredibly helpful (but emotional). It is on the app Insight Timer, along with several of her other tracks, which are also wonderful.

[This message edited by PleaseBeFixable at 5:14 PM, Monday, January 1st]

Mindfulness has deeper meaning than just a protocol to follow. Mindfulness came from Buddha's teaching. Read what mindfulness means in Buddhist literature. It is a way to soothe out attachments, regrets, self criticism/anger and worrying about the future. Which lead to the practice of four sublime states

I am working with my therapist on DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and the first step of that program is mindfulness.

A couple activities she has had me try, which I have found useful have been "box breathing"- it helped me calm and ground in a moment of panic and overwhelm--and "wise mind" breathing in which you say to yourself "wise" on the in breath and "mind" on the outbreath. Wise Mind in DBT is the place/way of being where your reasonable mind and your emotional mind overlap.

Hope you're still practicing the mindfulness and finding it useful.

Thanks for checking in PBF
I am working on mindfulness as well as grounding. The therapist introduced the box breathing just yesterday in therapy. I am finally starting to catch my thoughts, which are frankly awful so I’m working on feeling like I don’t deserve the things I say to myself

How's the mindfulness going? One I did today reminded me to practice when I don't actively need it so I have it as a tool when I do.

Thanks for checking in PBF

Mindfulness is going well I have an app on my phone that I use at work on my morning break every day so I have practice for when I need it

Didn’t even need my feelings wheel at IC today to name some of my emotions so there is progress there. We’re now working on decatastrophizing. Once I’ve got that down we should be able to dive head first into my childhood sexual abuse. Yay me…

While honestly it is good to be making progress and I honestly do want to be a better person and a safer better partner for my husband… it is exhausting having to actually have emotions. Therapist wanted to tell me suppressing them is also exhausting but honestly I’ve worked that muscle so much I don’t even notice

An interesting drill is to ask yourself whenever you start communicating with someone, am I communicating or am I manipulating? Am I just passing information along, or is there some outcome I am steering them to, blatantly or subtly? Trying to get them to do something? Put them in a certain mood or feeling state?

If you pay attention to it, I bet you’ll see that you do a lot more manipulating than you’d think at first. It makes you mindful of some things going on below your normal radar.

it is exhausting having to actually have emotions. Therapist wanted to tell me suppressing them is also exhausting but honestly I’ve worked that muscle so much I don’t even notice

I can relate so hard to this. I definitely think mindfulness can help here too. Letting the emotions come up and kind of wash over you and noticing the way it feels in your body, then trying to soothe those bodily sensations rather than suppressing the emotions mentally if that makes sense. It is much easier said than done.