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I was wondering if anyone had any ideas or help on dealing with triggers. I know everyones triggers are different but just look for general advice. It seams like nearly everything makes me think about what has happened and I need help, I have no friends and very little family to ask.

Thank you

BrokenDreams,

What are your triggers, your house/bedroom if they had sex there, your WWs ring if she wore it during sex with OM, etc?

Triggers are very difficult to ignore or suppress, our minds are very good at pattern recognition and we intuit things we can't even put into words. We recongnize wasp nests easily.

For me when my WW passively allows someone to hug her or kiss her on the cheek without blocking it's a bad trigger. My WW was trained in her family to be gracious and socialable while at the same time being harshly critical of family members.

Do you still live near the OM, same house, drive past the OM house, your kids go to school with OM kids, sometimes you don't even realize triggers that create a dull unease. For decades after my WW left the workplace where she had an affair with OM1 she was friends with the daughter of the business owners which kept the affair on a sub-concious level in my mind.

Depends on the trigger. The first couple of years are just full of them. The majority of them lose their big punch with time (I promise!) so you'll probably just have to ride them out. This too shall pass.

Triggers during sex are a little more difficult. We often had to stop because he could feel me emotionally going away. Sometimes keeping the light on and looking into each other's eyes helped to stay in the moment.

This sounds kind of crazy, but the thing that really helped the most was imagining that the OW was spying on us. I pictured her getting upset that he was so into me.

Also, getting tantric with it helped a lot. Get out of your head, be in the moment, and focus on breathing and physical sensations.

Early on I experienced triggers in everything. I think of them as hiding in the shadows and popping up from the most seemingly insignificant things (for me that would be commercials) to the most obvious like a name, place, song, etc.

Honestly time will lessen the sting. Things that at once sent you into a spiral will not even register or may just be a quick fleeting pang and then it's gone. Even dates associated with Dday will begin to blur eventually. As with every other aspect of your personal infidelity recovery patience is key. Your healing will happen, I promise.

My most pervasive trigger as my old SI peeps know is Raos products which are in every grocery store. The AP has ties to it and there was a time, for a long time, that I wanted nothing more than to knock every jar of that stupid sauce off the shelves. I've accepted it is a trigger that will be in my face each time I shop and now it just induces an eye roll and if nobody is around I'll flip the bird.

Thank you very much for sharing, I really appreciate you taking time out of your day to offer me some support and help. This whole situation is still very new (lea than 6 months) I am just having a really bad couple of days. Again thank you so much for your words of support

I concur with Sacred:

The first couple of years are just full of them. The majority of them lose their big punch with time (I promise!) so you'll probably just have to ride them out. This too shall pass.

I am 6.5 years post d-day 1 and 4.5 from the end of the A altogether and I can tell you I RARELY have them - and by rarely I mean like maybe 1 every 4-6 months and even then, it's just a blip. I don't dwell and it certainly doesn't ruin my day, or even my minute. It comes and then I easily banish it in a flash.