Please see my past post for more history of my situation.
I found out yesterday that my husband has been engaging in deeply sexual conversations for the last five years yesterday. With multiple people online. With one of them it was somewhat emotional as well as sexual, and they had hung out in person once, but "just talked". He told me that nothing has ever happened physically in any of these interactions, but I don’t necessarily believe that. This is because he would ask to meet up, tell these people our general location, then the conversations would move to other apps like kik and snapchat and I don’t know what happened there because he deleted all of it.
I feel conflicted. He told me he didn’t do anything physically, and I want to believe him but I don’t really know. He said that asking to meet and making it sound real was part of the excitement, but that these interactions never went outside of the internet. When I spoke to him about it, he kept saying that I shouldn’t forget what I did, and that what I did was much worse. I agree with this, if it’s true. But I can’t help but feel hurt. Is this karma? I feel like I don’t have the right to feel betrayed or angry but I do feel this way.
Up until now we’ve been doing well. I have been open to all his questions, I have been constantly reassuring him, I’ve been doing my best to make him feel wanted. I thought we were on a good path, one that would come with more turbulence but that we were on the right track at least. Let me be clear, I do not think any of this absolves me and I continue to live with the guilt of what I have done. I don’t think him doing what he has done makes me any less guilty. But now I feel betrayed. I don’t know what to do. I want to be with him, I love him, and I’ve been fighting for him since my affair. Five years is a long time. We’ve been together for seven. That’s a majority of our relationship. I’m at a loss.
He had left his ipad while at work, and had confessed to me to speaking to a woman who was interested in him, post- my affair. He told me that I could read their conversation, which I did, and it was emotional amd sexual in nature. It lasted for five days, and he told me he didn’t want it to go any further and had not been responding to her for the last two days. He told me he couldn’t do that to me, and that I should feel reassured that he had this opportunity and never took it. I wasn’t happy, obviously. But ultimately I was just relieved it didn’t happen. With this specific incidence. I asked him to tell her that the conversation was completely over, and he did, and blocked her. This confession is what ultimately lead to me to check his ipad. And what I found disturbed me. Sexting, asking to meet, sharing nude pictures. It wasn’t every day for five years, but it’s been happening for five years.
He keeps saying what he did he doesn’t find serious because of what I did. He didn’t seem very remorseful, and kind of angry actually when I spoke to him about it. He gave me a dry apology when I asked for one, and a more sincere one later, only after I had gotten outraged at his apology. Today he seems more remorseful, but we began the day with him standing over me and saying "I didn’t cheat," in a confrontational manner. Every reponse to my questions of his actions is answered and ended with a "but you.."
I keep telling him I don’t think I’m absolved at all. But I’d like to see remorse from him too.
I don’t know, I’m rambling now but my head is spinning.
[This message edited by gentlemango at 8:14 AM, Sunday, September 17th]