This is a venting post. I need to just vent my state of mind right now. I didnt even know where to post this.
You ever feel like you are going to have a total breakdown. I don’t know really what that entails…but I imagine it feels like you are completely helpless, overwhelmed and just can’t do it anymore. Thats how I feel right now.
Single mom of divorce. Ex is a classic cheating narc. Two kids, one is in HS the other freshman in college. Both kids in therapy because of the divorce and actions of their dad. Have a very stressful job. Just trying to raise my kids basically on my own and just survive.
I have had so much stress pile up on me lately. I feel like I can never catch a break. It just gets worse and worse.
My son chose a good college. Very specific to his major. I had a very serious talk with him about his major before he left. Wondering if it was a good idea. It is a major that does not have much job security. And explained how much he will have to pay back in loans. I was thinking maybe it was best he go to community college for 2 years. So he has some time to really decide what career he truly wanted. He refused to listen and said this was his dream. That he needed to get away and start over. So off he went. And I am thinking I am being a good mom…seeing him off to start anew and be happy pursuing his dreams.
Well now after a couole weeks he decides…he no longer wants to pursue this major, which would require him to change schools after this semester. This isnt horrible or tragic. It happens. But why couldn’t he have figured this out…BEFORE!!! Before he accepted two loans. Before he used all his 529. Before Before Before!!! Why can’t we all just catch a break!!!!!
I thought all the stress that led up to all this was over once I moved him in and I could finally breathe. But no…now it starts all over. Have to figure out how to transfer him to another school…how do the loans transfer…how to pay for first year of room and board since the 529 is gone. Oh and he will only have 2 gen ed classes to transfer since the other classes he is taking were related to his major.
One one end….I am glad he is switching majors. He honestly would need to in order to truly survive in our world, sadly. But I wish this was realized after at least a semester. After truly experiencing this school/major and then realizing it. But not after just a couple weeks. Come on!!!!!!!!!!!
I tried my very best to avoid this from happening. I try so hard to be a good supportive mom who provide everything she could. I feel guilty for not being honest right away, that maybe his dream wasnt truly a good idea in reality. Demand he go to community college. But how could I do that. He already has one crappy disappointing parent.
The years since the divorce have been so hard. It has affected all of us. My ex is just such a bad person. He tells my kids he will kill himself or tells them things like his cheating wasnt really that bad. Both kids went into therapy which helped. But it has been so hard trying to be there for them, absorb there stress and keep on surviving on my own.
My health and state of mind arent the best. The stress has brought on alopecia which is so hard to deal with especially as a woman. I dont get good sleep. I have gained weight even though I watch what I eat and work out. My job is beyond stressful but I cant change jobs cause the salary is hard to find elsewhere. I just feel trapped in this non stop circle of stress and hopelessness.
I am sure most of what I have said sounds like someone complaining about trivial things. That there are much worse things I could be experiencing. But I am just starting to really feel like I am doomed to live a life of sadness and stress. That maybe this is just plain karma. Karma I didnt think I deserved. That I should just accept it. That this is and will be my life.