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Newest Member: bluecoaster

Divorce/Separation :
Thoughts on going back to maiden name?

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Lsja (original poster member #74526) posted at 2:07 AM on Monday, June 12th, 2023

I finally made the decision, and the paperwork is beginning. On one of the forms I saw a question about a name change. I'd love to open up a conversation about going back to my maiden name. Do it? or Don't do it? It's a personal choice, but I'd like to hear other's experiences and thoughts about it.

posts: 90   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2020
id 8794876
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:46 AM on Monday, June 12th, 2023

I decided to keep my married name. I didn't want to have to change my name on all of my stuff, like Social Security, car title, utilities, etc.

A co-worker of mine got married around the time I was dealing with D papers. She described the mess it was trying to get her SSN card updated and it helped me make up my mind.

I was married longer than I was single, and not really attached to my maiden name. My kids are adults, so keeping the same last name for them didn't factor into my decision.

Basically, I kept my married name because I'm lazy.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3134   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8794883
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:49 AM on Monday, June 12th, 2023

I thought about it too. My kids were upset by it. So I am keeping it.

At least it is easier to spell

To be redefined

posts: 2205   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8794884
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DebraVation ( member #51156) posted at 7:22 AM on Monday, June 12th, 2023

I'm going straight back to my maiden name. It's an easier name for other people etc, and I never really was accepted as one of his family. One of the first things I said after DDAy 2 was, "Im not dying with that stupid name on my headstone!"

posts: 1609   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2016   ·   location: UK
id 8794900
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Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 2:59 PM on Monday, June 12th, 2023

I would love my EXWW to go back to her maiden name. My last name is rare and I am very well known in the city, so she will always be associated with me. Thus, she is like the turd that just won't flush.

I'm an oulier in my positions.

Me:55 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced 20

posts: 1701   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8794923
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Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 3:43 PM on Monday, June 12th, 2023

I was planning to answer this soon as I read the responses, but I had to stop laughing so hard! DebraVation, whoo hooo. 😆

Justsomeguy, ouch!!🚽

Yes, name change was part of my D, it was a no-brainer. Even though my maiden name was a little hard for people to spell (if they didn't know English surnames they'd spell it phonetically or ask me to spell it), XH's name was rare, 3 syllables long, and archaic Scottish origin so most people struggled to even pronounce it. No children to consider, but deep down, just association with him was enough for me to reject it!

[This message edited by Superesse at 3:44 PM, Monday, June 12th]

posts: 1950   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Washington D C area
id 8794935
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 3:51 PM on Monday, June 12th, 2023

I had going back to my maiden name put in my divorce decree. I just haven’t started switching things over yet, because of a recent trip involving my passport. Now that I have some time before my next travel, I will take care of it, even though I am dreading it. What a hassle…

I don’t want to be associated with EXWH’s name. He never treated me as a wife. That coupled with the fact that every single person butchers it, and I miss important emails because of it…bye stupid name. My kids don’t care either way.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4501   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8794942
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HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 6:42 PM on Monday, June 12th, 2023

Yeah, that was a no brainer for me. I took my maiden name back in the D, and had my son's name changed as well. Now THAT was a hassle because he was born in Germany and has a US Consulate birth certificate. Didn't care one bit. It was worth every bit of hassle involved in changing both our names. And my maiden name was awful. Kids are cruel and my last name was made for teasing and nicknames. I. Did. Not. Care. I wanted no association with Superturd or his name. Fortunately he abandoned us completely and I was able to get his parental rights terminated along with the name change for ds.

Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4924   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8794975
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SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 7:41 PM on Monday, June 12th, 2023

My mom went back to her maiden name when she and my dad divorced. I was little - like 4-5, so I never knew anything different, and it never bothered me.

Let the world feel the weight of who you are and let them deal with it.

posts: 969   ·   registered: Mar. 10th, 2023
id 8794984
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 Lsja (original poster member #74526) posted at 7:47 PM on Monday, June 12th, 2023

Thank you, I'm enjoying reading your replies. Some gave me a good laugh. I'm still not sure, but giving it a lot of thought.

posts: 90   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2020
id 8794986
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 5:22 AM on Tuesday, June 13th, 2023

You can pick any last name you want. It doesn't have to be your maiden name. For the LOLs, Lsja Sparklepants (because Squarepants has already been done.)

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3134   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8795030
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foxglove ( member #21791) posted at 6:45 PM on Tuesday, June 13th, 2023

I did return to my maiden name after my divorce. My children were in college at the time and were very supportive of the change.

I did remarry five years ago, and kept my maiden name. It has caused minor confusion with health insurance from time to time, but overall, I'm very happy with the decision.

Me (BS) 57
XH (WS)
Married 21 years
Divorced 2/19/07
Two grown sons
Remarried 9/18

posts: 1563   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2008   ·   location: Southeast Michigan
id 8795082
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Helena67 ( member #80506) posted at 6:53 PM on Tuesday, June 13th, 2023

First thing I did when I learned he was cheating. Changed my email adress too. The only thing is that my maiden name is very long and so is my email adress laugh . But I'm proud of my name and my email adress.

BS (me) 56 years. Divorced!!!

posts: 127   ·   registered: Aug. 10th, 2022   ·   location: The Netherlands
id 8795085
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AnnieOakley ( member #13332) posted at 7:18 PM on Tuesday, June 13th, 2023

I was 100% certain I would go back to my maiden name, 9 years later I still have not. I love my maiden name and always liked the married one too.

Meh. Lazy has factored in. Plus as I climbed in my career, I was only known by the married one. No kids to consider.

I would like to get married again some day, if….maybe then I would go to maiden instead of taking a new one. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Me= BSHim=xWH (did the work & became the man I always thought he was, but it was too late)M=23+,T=27+dday=7/06, 8/09 (pics at a work function), 11/09 VAR, 6/12 Sep'd, 10/14 Divorced."If you are going through hell, keep going."

posts: 1708   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2007   ·   location: Pacific Time Zone
id 8795089
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 4:00 PM on Wednesday, June 14th, 2023

My first wife changed her name back.

My second wife (the one that brought me to SI) kept my name, which I think was her final "fuck you" to me. I mistakenly asked that she change it; I should have gone reverse psychology on her.

My third (current) wife... she took back her maiden name after her first divorce (no kids) but then kept her second husband's name after her second divorce and she's kept it even after we got married. Her logic was that she has various licenses (cosmetology, teaching, driver's, etc) and that she didn't want to deal with all of the work of changing everything.

My opinions? One: I totally respect my wife's "lazy" approach. Path of least resistance! Two: I would personally pick the best name. My last name sucks (it's a misspelled Italian name such that it's always mispronounced -- most people think that it's French because of the misspelling). In contrast, my wife's maiden name is a really cool name... so that's the one that I thought that she should have picked. Her second husband's name is okay, so that's a safe choice too.

Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.

posts: 5417   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8795201
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aramarien ( new member #82618) posted at 11:24 PM on Monday, June 19th, 2023

I kept my married name after my first D because the kids were little and because of I was known with that name in the profession I had at the time.

With the second D, I want to change it, but there will be so much hassle to change it: Driver's license, bills, etc, etc. My kids are older, and they have no problem with me changing it.

I don't think it's so much a point of laziness per se, but the craziness to change it.

posts: 1   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2022   ·   location: NY
id 8796020
Topic is Sleeping.
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