SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have always made important decisions based on facts and not possibilities. I have always tried to give everyone the benefit of the doubt matter who they are.
For those of you who have read this entire post and have read the things that I believe my wife has lied to me about but don't have the proof of her actually lieing even with it being unbelievable in my head, what do you really think? Has my wife fooled me since the beginning and a true narcissist cheater? Or did catch my wife in an affair and she told me the truth after I had proof of the affair and consider the possibility that she has been honest with all the other things I have accused her of? I am totally stuck.
One side of me says that I have been fooled and betrayed by someone who I truly love and believed was my best friend and that she is a narcissist lieing cheater and telling me to trust my gut and intuition and telling me to accept it, divorce her and try to find happiness and true love with someone else.
The other side of me is wanting proof of what I am accusing before I can accept she is lieing no matter how hard it is to believe and consider that she has been honest with me and accept that she is not done the things I have accused her of and to try to focus on our future instead of digging for proof.
I have basically spent my life with my wife and want to be happy with her and try to have a happy marriage with her.
What I don't want is to be a doormat to her for the rest of my life if she is indeed a narcissist cheater.
If I have been fooled and betrayed I would love to find out what real love and happiness could be with someone before I leave this world. I am 50 years old but I am clean well built and have been told by many that I am a handsome man and people who know me believe I am a very kind person who has a good spirit for caring, thinking about and helping others and being polite and well mannered. But I am not getting any younger.
This is such a burden on me and just want to find happiness.

What was the result of her written timeline followed up by the polygraph confirming the truthfulness (in her mind anyway) and completeness of it?

You have every right to be fine with "mutual masturbation" but not "vaginal intercourse" but there’s no getting around that this relationship is adulterous since it went physical.

I have always made important decisions based on facts and not possibilities.

I'm not sure I understand. Facts have to be in the past; they have already occurred.

Decisions are about the future. How can you make a decision without thinking about possibilities?

None of us here has any knowledge of your W. We have knowledge that you've shared in your posts about you and her, but you've written only a fraction of a fraction of what you know. We also have some knowledge of patterns in infidelity.

You DON'T know your W, except for what she tells you verbally and non-verbally.

You DO know yourself. You DO know what you think, feel, want, don't want. You know your strengths and weaknesses. You know how you respond in many situations; you know how you respond to many people.

No one, not even you, knows what the future will bring for you.

You've written some abut what you think WRT your W. What do you think is your best course of action?

Are you willing to take those steps?

If not, what do you need to do to start on the path you think best?

What support can we provide to help you do what you need to do?

Sorry if I miss it , but have you done a polygraph on her ?
Polygraph might be the closest from the truth if you don’t have other evidence such as texts or photos .

If you haven’t already find a good polygrapher and have her tested. It will be less a waste of money than the fraud MC.

If OP believes there is still ongoing infidelity then, surely, a Private Investigator would be the first process he should go through?

OP has been given this advice several times so I can only hope that he uses all resources possible to prove or disprove an ongoing affair.

If a PI finds nothing then a polygraph based around historic behaviour could glean the truth.